I haven’t been on in a while. For those of you who care, yes I’m still alive. I hit a new low today. I found myself smoking out a window at 2 a.m. I was supposed to quit on march 1st. I didn’t. I can’t. It’s the only thing that calms me down anymore. My 1st family therapy session turned into a complain about how much of a problem I am session. I hate this. All of this. My girlfriend is unwilling to go any further in our relationship, my parents r suspicious of my habits, I went back to cutting after 5 days s.i. free… Idk anymore. I just want to be done with life. I don’t think I can go much lower at this point. My music is falling apart, I can’t write anymore. My meds aren’t helping, my gf can’t handle my MDD and my parents are ignorant fucks. I just want to be at peace, but the stars forbid it. All I want is peace…
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3 comments
Rock bottom..there’s something I can relate to.
How old are you?
Rock bottom.. huh.. your story sounds like it. I’ve hit it, honestly theres nothing wrong with smoking. I use to smoke. Use to cut. Use to do a lot of things. I got ‘clean’ per say when I started dating my boyfriend. He really has helped a lot.
You have major depressive disorder? That could be a big problem, leading into suicide. What does your girlfriend think about you having MDD? Does she accept your disorder? If not you both should talk about it, or I suggest, if you don’t love her that much and you feel she doesn’t love you back, reconsider your relationship. Although, if you love her. Try to make things work.
What makes your parents ignorant?
You will find peace when you learn to accept.
Don’t try accepting your whole complicated life, that’s impossible.
Just learn to accept the present moment, the tiny slice of time you live in.
The now.
Peace