since i was little, iv been everywere,lived in city after city, putting myself in placements so i could get away from the abuse,even wen noone wanted me,never could fit in,well i started running from treatment facilities and group homes,everytime they put me in a different city, i had the impulse to run,i would run so fast, i felt free, like noone could catch me,most people couldnt,im in my own palce now later on,i still have that adrenalin, i crave it, feeling the rush is like a drug to me,i love big cities and looking at all the tall buildings and everything around me,its like i fear the known more then the unknown,mabey because i dont care about the unknown,but the known,is knowing every street name and every store in the same city for so long, that walking around doesnt give me the adrenalin anymore,i went to the city next to this one, i know it to well now,i am planning on moving to california, even if i leave and get there with nothing,i always found a way to survive,i want to be free from daily life, leave everyone that dispizes me or hates me,i already know what im changing my name to,emma ventura,i wanted to keep my last name an italian last name,but right now i hate my last name, people always call me it,its so annoying,so now i wont be having to first names,last name sounds like a first name,it drives me crazy,im on papers right now, and im terrified, i follow all the rules, but if they keep me on them again at my next hearing, i dont know if i will be able to control my adrenalin anymore,i hate this state and everyone in it,everytime i hear the train go by at night i want to just jump it an see were it takes me, it sounds so fun , and just the though of the rush i would get makes me have to phisically restrain myself, i dont no how much longer i can do that,i want to run right now,i cant take it anymore,but the cops will hunt me down, and then i would never get to live my dream, i just want to be free,an out of the system,mabey if i was, i wouldnt feel the adrenalin anymore
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What do you mean you’re on papers. Is the licence/probation or something.
its called being on commitment ,if you dont follow certain rules they put in place for you, they can lock you up or recommit you, even though i follow all the rules and they still recommit me and keep me on,
Does it ever expire and what are the rules?
You have been let you down. It’s unacceptable. You can keep running to new places but not from yourself and why would you want to. I would sit next to you on a train and go with you because you are an amazing human being.
you have to follow any oppointments, if you even miss an oppointment and it isnt your fault you could get locked up, or something,im not allowed to drink,iv only drink two times in my entire life, so it is just another rule to try and control you,they can keep you onas long as they want, they say if you follow every single rule that you will get off, but every time i have my court date, they change the reason for keeping me on,the cops show up at my door every time and give me papers that say hearing for REcommitment, like they were gonna do that regardless of what i do,or before they know if i even been following the rules or not,iv been on it ever since i was 7, im 21 now,i dought ill ever be able to get on a train and be allowed to leave,but alteast they cant take away my dream ,
I will research it.
PS I like you.
Email Molly Whoppit, she’s really nice.
The closest thing I have come to it in the UK is a community order which is a sentence imposed in criminal proceedings. Sometimes probation can ask for the order to be discharged when they feel it no longer serves a purpose. Breaches are must be marked by making the order more onerous or if it’s unworkable then there is usually no viable option other than custody. I’m not an expert in mental health law, let alone in the US. Surely at the re-commitment your lawyer could call evidence or challenge the local authority.