i dont think i cant do this anymore,i have to phisically confide my self inside my apartment or i will run, i will leave, and the cops will catch me, the only way people wont be able to control me anymore is if i kill myself,they will never let me off commitment,i will never get to move to california,i cant live like this for the rest of my life,all i think about is california, or getting recommited then taking sleeping pills and laying on the rail road tracks,and no the train driver would never know he hit me cause it would be dark outside,im going crazy, i cant wait anymore for something good in my life to happen, i need to face it, im cursed or something,
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Sorry you feel lilke this. Life is bitter terrible and it is so dark and I know you think you want to lay on the tracks. I know what you mean you feel cursed. Cops are lying oath breakers, abusers of the worst kind. Judges and PhDs are a bunch of power monger psychopaths.
Take care of yourself and keep striving for California. You can do it. Surf is up, and when it is not the fishing is good, the beach is nice and you can sleep in the sand while the sun warms you up in the cool ocean breeze. Or you you can hang in the mountains and gleen the timeless essence of pine forests and sage…
im just saying,i was shocked to read that, it sounded like i just read a page out of a book, but you just made me want to get up and leave right now,lol