The only star in the sky

I want to die.

I have a gun but refuse to use it on myself because it’s only a .22 and I might survive. If I had anything bigger, I probably wouldn’t be here typing this. I really wish I had that gun, today I found out the girl I REALLY like and that I have been flirting with for the last month has a serious boyfriend, I can never get a girlfriend and I don’t know why. Shit like this always happens.

My family sucks too. I have nobody to talk to and nobody cares. I have been on drugs for about 8 years now. Fuck it, right?

I am in college and doing pretty good, but I have no friends at all, nobody talks to me and in every class I sit alone. Recently this girl has been talking to me and flirting with me, she’s the only one I talk to. She seemed like a perfect match for me and everything about her seemed just so perfect. I haven’t had the courage to ask her to hang out because I’m a hopeless *****. Now that this class is almost to an end, I was going to ask her to hang out, but I decided to look at her Facebook page first and make sure she was single. Of course, she has a fucking boyfriend and they are very serious, so now I have nobody again. It makes me wonder, does she talk and smile at me because she feels bad for me? Because I sit all alone and nobody talks to me; just to be nice? I feel like someone actually cared about me for once, but when it all comes down, she still has a boyfriend that’s more important than me.

I have nobody at all.
Mom is always working, dad is dead, I have no friends. I have nobody. All I had was my little white dog and now he is dead too. My dog was my friend, my only friend.

The only thing I have that makes me feel better is the fucking drugs. I look at all these happy couples and wish I knew how it felt to have somebody that loves and cares about me. I try so hard to make friends, but nobody seems to like me.

I feel like I’m in a crowd screaming for help but everybody just walks right past me.
I feel like the only star in the sky, shining at all my might, but everything around me is black and empty.

I want to die…