Today was even worse I have this overwhelming desire not to live anymore. I passed a wreck I even stopped to see if everything was okay.. I got back in my car and cried because I wasnt the one who died in the wreck! I would gladly take the place of the other person.. I cry everyday more today then usual.. No one would care if I died my family would only be worried about their perfert image and what people would say about there daughter killin herself. My funeral would be filled with not close friends and a happy family but with people who had to be there to uphold an image that they are good hearted people when really they are self righteous self serving jerks! Who care only about money and what they can do to get a head in life! Ughhhhh I want out! If I could just find the courage to leave this earth.. If I knew God wouldnt be mad I pray he would just take me as stupid as it sounds.. Peace again is all I want! Rest.. Im tired and cant be “perfect” anymore… Im just done.
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4 comments
If you don’t like the way things are, change it. Life wasn’t written in stone and you have more influence than you realize.
It’s all because of the people around you, right? What I’ll say is similar to what SilverShadow says: Change them.
No, it is not always the people around you. I have no friends or family and suffered at the hands of others I thought I could trust, but a lot of my problems are within me too. I find I cannot live with myself, have not even begun to think how I can co-exist with others.
Isolation doesn’t bring me peace, I travel often and far and that brings no peace and my perceived “tormenters” I have not seen in many months, but the pain is still there, doesn’t go away.
So trying to see if there is something that you can do for yourself is an important step. I have tried, am still trying to find a reason every day to live, but it is not easy. I feel pain constantly and it hurts like nothing else. Can you think of anything that gives you some sort of satisfaction?
Yes and the one and only thing I have left that makes me happy can be taken away if I change the people around me.. my family controls everything and if I piss them off and try to cut them out of my life they will ruin it. And the last hope I have will be gone.. I will have no reason to live no will.. Considerin my past