sorry, im a horrible best friend.

i am, its true. you are ALWAYS here for me, when im to fucked, to even think. promise after promise i make to u saying i will not attempt suicide, i will quit cutting, and in a week i will stop taking pills for the hell of it. honestly, im sorry, idk why i make promises i cant keep. i try but my mind out rules me. everytime. im terrified, i dont deserve a friend as AMAZING as u, im scared u will finally understand that, and leave. im still ALWAYS and FOREVER will be here for u. u can tell me ANYTHING. but again im the worst best friend ever, cuz i attempted it again! im sorry, i truly am. i dont do know what to do anymore, i had to watch my dad abuse my puppy, listen to him insult me, ***** at my mom, and scream at my sister, then got beat even worse then ever by my sister, today. im finally seeing: my dad is the key issue! if i can just get away from him. i know i can be happy. i know i can be a better person. i can be a better friend. i dont think u know how sad i am for everything that happened when the night i was so fuckin close to leavin the world forever. this is a never ending cycle. i PROMISE i will try so hard not to let my mind beat me, now that i finally see what my life is giving me. please, just know, i care so much bout u. im only trying to leave my family not u. im still and always will be really sorry.