I realize in two days from now.Its going to be as scary as hell for me.Carrying around a box cutter is going to be scary as hell.Even if you intend to only harm yourself.Authorities get involved and its not pretty cause cops dont know how to handle the mentally ill.They do that thing were they twist your arm behind your back.It hurts cause you think your arm might break off.
My hope is that i dont get shot cause there will probably be police since they dont know how to mind there own business.
The thing is i just cant please anybody here.Im regressing to the old me.Its kind of like relapsing. The old me is not the person who i want to be.I cant be that person.Cause that person makes things ten times worst.I have to go cause if i stay.Im going to explode and the hard part is not knowing what that explosion will look like.
I barely speak to the people i love anymore.I shut them out and i dont want to.I want them to know i love them my family and friends.If i end my life its a possiblity that they will have the good memories of me .As in the last past couple of days good things have happened.If i leave it here thats all theyll have to remember.I somehow have to reconcile with my father before i go.Hes a good dad despite all the mess hes been dealt.I hope it will be quick.When i overdosed the worst thing about it was being able to think as i thought i was dying.I dont want to think i want it over instantly.My family wont be around me when i do this.Which is good cause i would not like to hear there voices as i go.
If i do die from this.I will have to admit what ive done.But my hope is maybe other people will admit to what they have and havent done.It will be my fault but i will still know my death couldve been prevented.
Finally i encourage you all to comment on not just my story but the stories of others on here.If you see a 0 as a comment.Comment maybe that person could be saved by what you say.Ive been doing that lately in hopes that maybe i could help someone.Who possibly can be saved
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You said that your death can be prevented. What is it that you need?
I need people to stop seeing me as some big joke.I need help cause i cant help myself.I need new antidepressants but dont see my psychiatrist till another month.Mostly i just need someone who cares.The people who do therapy with me.They dont listen they dont give great advise and they want to tell me how i feel.My family i cant talk to them i dont want hurt them.And my friends are few and they think by not turning in for suicide is the way to be a good friend.Im scared as hell of hospitals.You would be to ecspecially when they hold you and force this long tube up your nose.What the hell am i supposed to do but kill myself. I admit i need help but why would i want help from people who dont really want to help me.This is about money each time i come there those hospitals get paid so they let me go then im back in a week.they get paid again leave come back paid again
I completely understand, i can’t imagine how anyone manages to trust therapists, luckily some do though. You admit you need and want help that’s awesome, those two things are the most important needed to overcome depression/suicidal thoughts.
I don’t see you as a joke, and i’m sure no one else here does either. If you want to talk to someone who cares i’d be happy to be your friend. <3
I dont have many friends lately. Actually i got rid of most of them because they always wanted my help and id help them but if i told them what they didnt want to hear.I got called a *****.My best friend tried to kill herself a couple weeks back.Its weird cause you think one suicide would make you stop but its just so hard.Even my therapist as dumb as she is.Is right when she says its like an addiction.What hurt the most is the last time i saw my psychiatrist .I wrote her a letter and she basically agreed with what i wrote and say i agree if something doesn’t change i would die from suicide.I felt when she told me that she was condemning me to death.I wrote a suicide note to my therapist.She skips the parts of hopelessness and suicide.And says well i dont think thats true.
I wouldnt mind being friends.Its just with the way i am i truly believe what i said earlier without help without someone who actually cares i am going to try killing myself again and i dont know if ill keep getting a chance to make it right.So if we were friends i dont mind i just cant guarantee itll be a long time
Well i certainly hope it’s more then one day:( lo.l Do you want to talk? If so my email is adamkormelink@aol.com Please, let me care 🙂
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