i dont wana live anymore

i dont what to do anymore… when i was a kid i always got beaten by my parents sumtimes for nothing… i always saw my father beat my mother and out of anger my mother beating herself…. my mother once told me she never wanted me and my father says no point of having a daughter cuz i don’t have interest in cooking or cleaning …. my parents got divorced after living with each other for more that 10 years… after their divorce none of my friends wud ever talk to me till today been 10 yrs nw and i dont have a single friend….. i decided to live wit my mother as a girl bt my mother never cared for me and my brother she wud take our school pocket money for her expenses i hate my mother cuz she never listened to any of my problems and if i ever told her i had sumthing she dud shout at me or literally kick me…. once my mother nearly pressed my neck so hard i nearly died… i wish i wud have died that time…. i just recently broke up with my bf after a nearly 5 yrs relation cuz he cheated me by getting engaged to sumone else…. i tried cutting my self many times and taking sleeping pills bt danm nuthing ever works m tired of bein alone and havin taken advantage of for being kind to people …. when ever i am alone i always negative thoughts …. when i talk and joke with my colleagues i feel scared tht i am gona have a fight with them and they shud never talk to me …. everything i have had in life gets taken away why cant god just take away the life i have too…. make it easier i dont have anyone to talk to bout any of my problems i always cry cuz I’m heart broken and nobody cares