Hey
This is my first time doing something like this. Not sure why I’m doing it, but yeah.
I’m 20 and live in England. Ever since I was young I’ve been different. I’ve always had a different outlook on life, and people, and so on. I try to be a nice guy, just like everybody else, but people never seem to do the same. I’m quite an anti-social person, so there’s that, but I always have time for people if they need me and never close the door on anyone – until they walk all over or something equally depressing.
Like most people on here (I imagine), I’ve not had the best life up to now. I don’t see the need to go into details about it but in some respects I’m lucky, as I imagine many people have had it far worse off than me. That’s one of the things that annoy me… how I feel so run down, depressed, lonely and damaged… yet I know there are people out there who have probably had it worse than me and yet are just getting on with it and not complaining or what have you. I guess that’s the cycle really. Depressing, frustration, anger, etc.
So yeah, I’ve been diagnosed with depression in the past, and anxiety. My Doctor gave me Prozac which I took for about 6 months, but it ended up making me feel completely out of control, and I hated that. It did work to some extent… but not enough to put up with the side effects. Â I’ve thought about suicide a lot in the past, though I’ve never attempted it.
I’m not sure where to go with this lol. I think the loneliness is the worst part of it. My family are slightly dysfunctional (christmas was fucking awful btw…) and apart from them, the only person I have is my girlfriend who I’ve been with for just under 3 years now. She’s amazing though, and fills up quite a lot of what I ‘need’ I guess. Aside from her though, I have 1-2 friends (not even close ones anymore) and a few old friends I rarely speak to. When I’ve had friends in the past, I’ve always felt I’ve given more than I’ve received, if that makes any sense.
What annoys me more than my own problems is the sheer amount of misery in the world. I hate to adopt a nihilist approach, but it seems to be more and more overwhelming every time I turn on the news/go on the internet. I plan to go to University in 2013 and begin a Psychology degree, the ‘dream’ (the closest thing I have to a dream anyway) is that I become a therapist with it.
I feel like I’ve barely wrote anything here but it seems to be extremely long already so I’ll tie things up.
James
4 comments
Hi James. I understand how you feel. It’s hard to find people who are similar or who have similar interests, especially if you’re a loyal, caring person. A lot of ‘friends’ don’t put in the effort to maintain a friendship or you find out they’re using you for some kind of selfish gain or you’re too nice and devoted and you end up as their doormat, etc. It’s all really depressing and hurtful. I always try to keep hope alive that there is someone out there (a friend or partner or whatever) for everyone – it’s just finding them is the hardest part. And it often entails a lot of heartache. And it’s especially hard if you’re anti-social or have social anxiety.
About your slightly dysfunctional family – mine is also dysfunctional. I think probably everyone’s is. If that makes you feel any better; probably not. lol But probably everyone on this site can relate to that one.
The only kind of advice I can give to you, has to do with the misery you see in the world. I tend to take the weight of the world on my shoulders, and it depresses me severely. So what I did was I stopped watching the news or reading the news. At first altogether, but then I decided to just limit my time spent reading about the world. Like one or two days per week and only an hour or so. That seems to help a lot.
Good luck with the Psychology degree. I wanted to do the same, but I wasn’t 100% sure, so I opted out of university altogether. I kinda regret that, but there’s always the future, I suppose.
Someone replied!
Thanks for taking the time, means a lot :).
I’m glad someone understands where I’m coming from – I made the mistake of not reading through what I had wrote before submitting it and it seemed to be a bit jumbled and uncoordinated..
That’s a good idea about limiting your intake of news, I’ll be sure to try it. I can imagine it feeling like you’re intentionally avoiding the truth though? Worth a try though.
Yeah, I already dropped out of a Business degree a few months in… it really wasn’t for me, but a big part of it was the social aspect. I was going to the Uni from home, I wasn’t living in student accommodation, and so it seemed that cliques formed before I found my feet if you know what I mean. I made like 3 ‘friends’ over a few months, which was annoying. Next year though I’ll be in accommodation so hopefully it works out a little better.
Thanks for the reply 🙂
Hey Thisismyusername,
Not just somebody…GoodGirl…I am impressed…you must be special. 🙂 She is my favourite soul on SP…bar none…but she is rarely here. 🙁 And it looks like I missed her again….poop…haha
Are you new to SP? If so…know you are welcome here. It can sometimes take us awhile to get back to folks…time differences…real life and such. Have you been reading some of the other posts? Feel free to comment on others if you feel you connect or have something to offer…or just to be annoying like me…haha 😀
We’re here to talk or listen
Peace
Amakua
HELLO James,
We have a lot in common except I’m nearly 3 times as old as you! Yeah the world sucks a lot and there are many people that have it a lot worse than us, anymore to be a truly happy person is like hitting the lotto or something, and how can you be happy while watching all the suffering going on around you? sometimes you don’t want to be around people because you hate to watch them suffer as well, so…I just try to make people smile, be kind to everybody, and that’s really the best I can do, you too unless you have an “S†on your chest, try not to think about all the negatives they are overwhelming, think of positives as well you need a balance of both, and remember you are what you think about! I guess that makes me a *****? ha-ha there I answered your post you see somebody cares.