shatteredglass

i dont know when the pain forst began, or if it ever did. maybe i was just born with it. stuck in a life where dead ends is all there ever will be. that everytime i leave it, i get something worse. its become the normal. and sometimes, well most of the time i feel like i need it. like it will always be there and i have nothing without it. it seems to me that i am inviting it, that i look for it. im always down and depressed for no reason at all. and maybe the reason is me. maybe i truely am my own worst enemy. i look for love where i know it will not be returned. i procrastinate to the point where when i go to attempt what ive put off, the oppurtunity is not there. was never there…

i degrade myself when i dont need to, i mean everybody else does it. why should i? but what i feel on the inside i reflect in there mirror. i am what i am and thats all there will ever be of me. because i truely am miserable at best. i just feel like everything is so unfair, and thats pathetic because life is unfair. i should just accept that and move on right? wrong its so hard to do, when all you have are hopes and dreams. but they all shatter in the end. just like the glass shatters beneath my feet. but really rthats what it boils down to. we all are very fragile, and when we put ourselves in bad situations we break, just a little at a time, until were just shattered remains, a ghost of our former selves. but really how do we build ourselves back up? there really isnt a brand of duct tape or super glue that can fix the mental breaks. once your depressed your always depressed i guess, you just learn to live with it. there is no getting over it, there is no perfect medication. there is no fix to the fucked up. just a coping method. and even those are not permanant. so in the end once your broke your always broke. and who wants something broken? because in essence something broke is trash. so there for im trash.

im the kind of trash no one goes dumpster diving for, im the slime, the used tooth brush or whatever. im just not good, not good at all.