MY most recent attempt to enter into a relationship with someone ended in bitter failure. As have the last 13 attempts I’ve made in the past few years. I’m 19 years old, have only one friend (that I barely talk to), and am still a virgin.
I am going no where in my life. I’ve never had a job, and likely won’t anytime soon. I’m far too lazy and pathetic to actually accomplish anything. What makes it worse is that I had such high hopes for myself when I was in high school. As I look around my university I notice people who are much more qualified, much dedicated, and will accomplish much more than I can ever hope to. It’d be a miracle if I managed to move out of my parents’ house after college.
Women don’t talk to me, and when I try to talk to them they just stonewall me. The fact is that I’ll never lose my virginity, never have a family, and after my parents die I’ll have no reason to live. People that I’ve talked to tell me it will get better, but it won’t. They don’t know what it’s like to live my life, I know what I’m capable of, how others see me, what my future holds. The only thing my life will bring is more depression and loneliness.
I live in the tallest dorm on campus, 11 stories. I hope that in the next couple of weeks I will get the courage to jump off the top. I’ve been too cowardly to do it before, but now I have no prospects at a relationship, no one to talk to, and my ambition is gone. I hope it doesn’t hurt all that much.
3 comments
I know how frustrating all of this can be. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 22 and I’m embarassed to say so, though I really shouldn’t be. It just is what it is. I felt the same as you and I still feel that way. My attempts at relationships fail most of the time, no, all of the time, and I hardly ever get close enough to someone to even get them interested. I’m working on this, and I’m improving, but jesus, why do I have to suck at it so badly. And it’s the depresion for the most part. It’s the depression that inhibits me from achieving efficacy in all that I do and this aspect is no exception. Just know that I, too, am struggling with this same issue.
Its actually admirable to see a teenager who is not sex obsessed. You’re only 19; you’re still young. I’m a 32 year old virgin, but I dont plan on killing myself anytime soon. I have a date saturday, so you never know? You’ll meet the right girl and it will be much sweeter. 🙂
Why does the whole meaning of life always get simply reduced to sex? I am a 19 yo woman,never had sex either,and i dont see that as a reason to kill myself.Never been in a relationship nor i crave to start one. Ill admit,those same thoughts used to depress me,greatly. To never have anyone to call of my own,start a family and whatever.But i seted my head on a particular goal.To be able to stand by myself, both economically and mentally.
You just cant give up in life just because you cant find a woman.
As for college,there always will be people that is better than you,just like you are better than other folks. But try to find a goal, any, and try as hard as you can to acomplish it