I hate my kind.
I hate their faces, their ignorant smiles. I’ve grown to hate them indisciminatly. What the fuck is wrong with those people? Hollow minds inside puppets made to walk with rotten strings. Let yourself fall into the bliss of mindless simplicity. Almost life a hivemind, brainwashed and seemingly happy with it.
Go with the crowd or fall with the trash.
I do not claim to be a saint nor have my 21 years of existence given me enough experience in the way of life, but is it just me or everything seems so twisted. What happened to sincerity, kindness, generosity? All those concepts are almost marginalised. To this day I still don’t get this way of thinking. Go with the crowd. Lover are more like the latest intelligent phone. You are still a virgin at 16? What a loser! Just because some company whose name became well known says something, everyone magicaly agrees. Friends are chosen on how well they get drunk instead of their loyalty and so on… What the fuck is wrong with this way of thinking? Please tell me I’m not the only one who find this wrong!
The worst is that they are merciless with anyone who does not think like they do.
I’ve been diminished, ridiculed, harassed, bullied, frowned upon, stared at like I was some nasty thing that came out of the sewers and I could go on for a while. It has been like this to the point where I’ve lost trust in practicaly everything. Let’s be honest here, no one wants to grow up without friends. I was forced to put on a mask because I wasn’t pretty to anyone. If the mask wasn’t pretty enough, I changed it. I’ve got countless of them by now. “You’re weird.” I’ve suppresed myself, being told I wasn’t right for them. To this day I have only two friends I’ve known for 8 years who are only begining to discover who I really am, and that’s on the rarest of occasions where my reflexe of suppresing myself fail. To this day I haven’t found anyone I could love out of dire fear of revealing myself to anybody. I have so much mask that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I can’t even tell how I would react to the most unimportant of events. I only have regrets of being born. I hate people. They tag others with the “freack” stamp. It saves them the effort of trying to understand. If the mask isn’t pretty enough for them, don’t bother.
There isn’t a day where I don’t wish a car would ram me into a wall. A quick end for a short life. I admit that I would rather be put into a coma. Even better, live in some anime or any T.V. show I like. I hate this reality and everyday is dead boring. You know what I’ve been loocking forward to?(And I can’t remember when I’ve been really loocking forward to something) Supposedly an economy study agency predicted a worldwide economical breackdown in around 2030. Call me twisted but I dearly hope this happen so this hate I have can be eased a bit.
Then again, I highly doubt it will ease it. Hate is what basicaly kept me alive so long.