I miss being a little kid the world was so pretty and I loved life. Now things are not what I expected to be like. I often wonder if I could of fixed it. My life just shattered. My counselor thinks my depression is caused by my past. Maybe it was I’m not sure but I just I want to feel good again not feel so disconnected all the time. I have really bad social anxiety I have no friends I’m alone. I think I like being alone I pushed all of  them away. Yet sometimes I wish I had someone who just understand me. I am weird. a lot of people think I am bipolar, borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia. I don’t believe them I think people judge me to fast. I’m very quite I have days were I am to tired to get out of bed and then there are days when I go do all of my homework and sleeping little and feeling fine. My life’s changed. I really do feel like I’m going crazy. I feel like people are watching me and I hear stuff and see things that are not there. It might just be stress but I’m still alive and I don’t feel to great about that.
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I know how you feel there. Reminds me of the song Jack and Diane, “Oh yeah life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone
Oh yeah say life goes on
Long after the thrill of livin’ is gone”
Unfortunately the thrill of life comes and goes, but like the seasons spring (new beginnings) comes after the winter (old ends). Sorrow sucks and judging words are like blades cutting deep. So learn to love yourself more so even if others don’t show love in this cold world atleast you can always love you. Then your springs of new beginnings in your life can be warm and wonderful. Keep on finding good and let bad die in the emotional winters so love can grow in spring.
Everyday is the same. I take all my pain out on myself I’ve been doing it for three years I have a big problem with thinking that I don’t deserve to be happy I just I feel like the bad stuff in the past is making me feel bad now. I made myself this way. But I don’t know if this will make sense at all. I’m someone else. Not me anymore.