each morning and evening my thoughts are seized in belief that by finding a reason you became so decieving this pain will ease,and the pressure on my chest relieved making it easier to breathe which is necessary for all human beings
However all the countless calls the miles Ive walked staring up and down the walls have taught me to not expect you to catch my falls but yet you stand beside and watch me crawl
a tiny hole in my heart begins to tear bringing back minutes, moments and memories of dispair. There were times I had nowhere to go and still you left me there despite all the effort put in my prayers. I was alone but finally out of your hair. and its okay because I found my chairs.
I wrote this little short peom one night after experiencing the fact that there really was no love for me from a person I loved with all my heart. I was homeless in this little town in alabama and it was during the winter months. No where to go so I sat in the graveyard next to my uncles grave and cried to myself while eating eminems. I just didnt care and wanted to be in that place where the dead where and where I was wanting to be but couldnt bear the cold for much longer. I have a hard time dealing with the cold and its not a quick way to go. It wouldnt of killed me to sleep out there just pissed me off, so I went to these girls apartment that I sort of knew but not to well and they where gonna let me chill out on the couch. It was all good but I was still trying to get in touch with the person I gave my heart to so I called her on the phone and she was like come on over she wanted to talk. I walked like 5 miles in the cold only to be standing outside her door in the middle of the night with no one to come outside or even turn on the light so I done the only thing I could do and I walked back to the girls apartment and it was like real early in the morning maybe like 3 or four. The girls they where like leaving for work and so I had to go too. I walked down the road to my moms house which was empty. there was some furniture out in the driveway. a recliner and I was dead beat from all the walking so I had a seat in the recliner and layed back. I remember it felt like I was in my bed dreaming and I felt this cold wind blow so I woke up and I was outside in the chair and I was like this shit aint normal. you know how like when you wake up you usually have some sort of thought that enters your head immediatley like I want something to eat or I need a smoke or I got to go to the bathroom….well the first thought that entered my head was I wish I was never born. I had to force myself to get up out of that chair, and I could have stayed there forever. I was so thankful for that chair allowing me to rest during that time of hopelessness