Hi everybody, I don’t want to reveal my identity so my friends or family could not read this (just in case). I’m 18 years old and here is my life story.
At first, everything was going perfectly, I was in the primary school, getting all the best grades and so on, suddenly, my life changed after me being 9 years old. New teachers came to school and fucked me over. They treated me like shit in the way that they restricted me to only 1 grade (C) and I’d get all C’s from every class, even though I’d do something for an A+ I’d get a C. Since I was the kid, all I had in my mind was “I’m not worth for more, fuck it, I won’t even study, I’ll get a C anyways”. That was the moment when my life turned upside down. At high school, when I was 15 years old, I fell 4 classes, had to study for a month like a madman to fix that. I kept falling and falling and barely getting out of deep shit. Today, I’m finishing highschool (not sure if I’m actually finishing it, I’m 18 years old and I’m still uncapable of fixing my own problems). After I’m done, I don’t know what to do. I’m such a useless coward, for example; my friends at this very moment are starting a company, I was in all that till 1 week ago. Why am I not participating as the co-owner anymore? Because I’m a useless, stalling, lazy ****. Snap, in just 2 weeks, I ruined my future. Now, with shit grades I can’t get into any university, I will not get a job since they don’t want me to work with them anymore and my parents will kick me out as soon as I’m done with high school, and that is in a month exactly. So basically I’ll be living in the street, under the bridge or something. I had 2 girlfriends in my entire life, both of them were whores that used me and threw me away, one did not even reach a month relationship. My little brother is scared of me even though he lives me more than anything; he is scared because I sometimes hit him and yell at him because of my own depression. I sometimes yell at my parents when I’m angry at myself and they won’t do anything about it. They just turn their heads away, mom sometimes even cries when she sees what I’m doing of my own life. All I do is sit on the computer, play vidya, talk to my friends on skype, watch some idiotic stuff online and so on…. I’m useless, stalling, lazy and a fucking associal *****. I just want to end my life. How to say goodbye to this world? I can’t buy a gun because you can’t get one in my country, I can’t jump off of high buildings because there is only one building here that I can jump off to kill myself, but they put a huge fense on it because someone already did it 2 years ago… What else to do? Alcohol intoxication? Drinking bunch of pills? WHAT?!