Hi I’m a 13 y/o girl from Sweden that at the moment feel like shit.. My whole life has been hard and so on but now I just want to die. My brother is the main problem, he hits me sometimes but not hard or anything, it the words he says. My whole life he’s been there to tell me that i will fail, I’m nothing, useless. Now those words are the truth in my eyes. He scares the living hell out of me, when he gets mad (and that is pretty much every day) I usually run to the bathroom. Then I will sit there for 40min an hour. It’s really hard when I think about how he ruined my life! When i was younger I would get bullied at school, and when I got home I would get bullied by my brother and, that Â just don’t feels fair.
When I was nine yeras old I told my mother that I wanted to die, I was suicidal. She laughed at me and said “Don’t you ever say that again! You scared me.” And then she left, My mother left me. She just forgott about me because it was so much easier for her, but when she left me alone that day, something died inside me. Since that day everything got worse, I really wanted to die. I stared decided days when i would kill myself, i wrote suicide letters and thought how much better the world would be whitout me. Then i changed school, thought i could get a fresh start! yeah right.. I fucked up, I didn’t havy any friends and i panicked when i saw the people that bullied me the most. I didn’t want to go to school at all and i stared cutting. I even sucked at that, i only did it a couple times on my wrist but then my mom started see the scar. First she would just ask what is was and i would lie, nothing big. I was never really anything big in her eyes. Then i stoped cutting, scared i would have to tell my mom how i felt if i kept doing it. Then i changed school again, things got a bit better, then my friend really got depressed. She would cut her whole arm opend in school etc etc, so ofc i had to take care of her. She got better, but then my two other friends started feel bad. I still didn’t feel good and they knew about it but, i’m not that important. So, anyway, Â i took care of all three of them at the same time as i felt like shit. I then found this guy on the internet. I fell inlove, he said he loved me to but yeah, it was a lie.
Present time, I got my heart broken, I’m taking care of three people that i really can’t take care of, i started cutting again, my family still haven’t noticed how i feel, my brother still abuses me mentally and I’m scared.
I do not want to die, but it feels like i deserve it, not even my own mother could love me, so why would anyone else?
I’m pretty sure nobody read this far but if anyone did, thx i guess. The decision i must make now is, can i think about myself for a while and just try to get better or is that to selfish?? Should i take care of my friends insteed? And i know i can’t spell for shit se yeah…