I Actually feel alive and really happy for once<3
July 2013
I’m back in my hometown for the summer. It’s between the semesters for college, and I’ve been suffering the entire time. Is it odd that the moment I stop on the pavement I got a stomach ache? I couldn’t get a job and I’ve chosen to drop one summer class. Just from those two things, my parents think it’s reason enough to beat me. To scream at me. To call me ‘retarded’. They didn’t even pay for my classes. My grandmother left me money for college; from things like this… but they think that because I spent it on a class that I dropped, I’m […]
Been cutting since I was 15 (7 1/2 years). Never thought I would do it, once I started, never thought I would stop. I finally stopped. Went over a year without cutting, then relapsed, then stayed “clean” then relapsed then stayed “clean” then relapse and so on and so on. I will always be an addict to this stupid thing that controls me. I crave the feel of it, the release it gives me. I know I should have control over it, especially by now, but I cant help but want to give into it. I am still and always will be a depressed person, […]
I’m not sure why I’m still here. My attempts at suicide are failures and it’s starting to make me think about more effective attempts. But I want to stay. I want to see my future. I just want out of the present. I feel numb, tired, and weak. I go through the days avoiding people and just trying to find ways to make each day go by. I feel broke down inside. I’m  still in high school and living with my parents. I’m gay but don’t know how to tell them. I had a gay friend over once, my dad told me not to talk […]
What’s the point? I hate everything. I hate being a teen, and I don’t want to go through whatever bullshit comes my way in life. It’s just going to be full of people who have no sympathy for you and just laugh at your misfortunes. I frustrate people to the point to where they want to just disappear when they listen to my problems. No one can get anywhere with me. I was even called “typically close-minded” today. I always thought I was better than that. I always think most of the poem “Richard Cory” perfectly describes me:
Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on […]
New to this, but have experiences I would like to share and would also like any advice from others.
I have large scars on my leg from top of my thigh to the knee, some very long and wide. On my left arm I have scars on both sides of my arm including my wrist. I have been in this situation for six years. I use to live in small towns where scars were more acceptable so I showed off my arm with ease and didn’t have any issues. I moved to a city a few years ago and have found peoples reactions more of an […]
I don’t know what to do. I’m writing this and it’s all so sketchy. There are days I’m not paranoid and then there are days where I question if I should trust the world and my loved ones. I’m just a fucked up statement of life. I hate life and everything it consists of. I don’t wanna see the sun shining and the clouds passing by. I don’t wanna see the grass and the food we eat that in the majority is micro-processed. I feel so burdened with my thoughts, for they consume me entirely. I am not me anymore, I am a […]
Every time I see a kid walking down the road with his mother or father or a grandparent, I get this weird pang in my stomach. I feel sad, like dead puppies in the ditch sad. I can just tell myself that its just some depression thing and move on but it just keeps coming back. Every time I pass a poor family sitting outside around a fire waiting for dinner, waiting for the night to end, every time I see a housewife standing on the porch looking and waiting for ways to kill time, every time I think of a paper pusher in an […]
Sooo.. Recently I have been having suicidal thoughts for several reasons. Most of them I’m sure no-one will ever understand, because we all view the world differently, what may mean the world to someone may mean absolutely nothing to another person, so with that in mind my suicide thoughts have done nothing for me but make me feel even worse about myself, but I am now realizing that life is hard on everyone, some just handle it better than others. now, my family means the world to me and 90percent of the time when I am soooo close to killing myself.. I think about how selfish […]
Does anyone know a good website that can help me plan my funeral so my family wont be left with so much burden. Â Please do not respond with stupid stuff that is not helpful. this is a serious matter and getting dumb replies just verifies my need to be done with the stupid ass people here on earth.
Though you are my friend
My love for you will never end
Remembering that night
And god it felt so right
Your body pressed against mine
And boy did the moonlight shine
As I closed my eyes
And took slow breathes
You leaned down and kissed my neck
Not to fast
We made it last
There was no rush
There was just us
Every kiss I reminisce
The way your lips
Rubbed against my lips
There was love
I felt this
We took it slow
Not one moment did we miss
As you lay there on my chest
At that moment I felt so blessed
You […]
I want to commit suicide! I don’t wznt to deal with my stupid life anymore. Anyone have any ideas?
Here I am
Here to stay
Fucking happy night and day
Your words mean nothing
Effecting me in no way
Because I am me
I am here to stay
Bully me yeah…that’s okay
I don’t listen anyway
You are big…
I’m not afraid
You Bully me
Call me gay
Hell yeah I’m gay
Gleeful everyday
You pick on me…if I do say
you’ll get it back soon one day
Yeah I’m a nerd
that’s all I get
that’s considered a compliment
I’m not like you an idiot
But do your worse
I am up for it
In conclusion
And in the end
Here I am
And dammit […]
Hey
I know you feel alone
In this place we are forced for years on years to call home
When I hit earth I entered hells dome
It is a scary place we all have to Roam
So I decided to write you poem
About this… the wonderful place we call home
A place where it rains
Where there’s nothing to gain
So we try an maintain
A bad life we restrain
We work hard all day
To get to that place
Where we wither away
Then suffer in pain
We get to that point
Where we wanna give up
Because during the day
Lately it seems like everything is falling apart. I used to be so into church. God was everything to me. I finally got married to the woman of my dreams. I had a crush on her since i was just a boy. Everything seemed to be going great. We were married on July 28th 2012. Almost a year now. I had a great job, was a member of a wonderful church, and things seemed like they couldn’t get any better. Then i lost my job last December just before Christmas! Everything started to go down hill from there. Things seemed like they were going to […]
i am very depressed .. i can’t see a way .. i want to die.
It’s not like anyone really cared for me. I promised him I wouldn’t cut. I promised him I wouldn’t cry. I promised her I’d stay strong. As everything falls apart I realise that I can’t see any more colour. I can’t notice what they’re trying to tell me. So what if I’m a paranoid schizophrenic? Does it matter? Does it matter if I have social anxiety? Does it matter if I’m different? According to them, yes. It means a world of a difference. Trying to breathe and see through tear filled eyes. I know I feel guilty for cutting. For just breaking that promise. What […]
I woke up this morning and felt numb. When I look in the mirror I see a glassy-eyed freak. I don’t get up in the morning and feel good. I just bury my head deeper into the pillows. I don’t have a purpose anymore. I feel so useless.They say that everyone has a purpose, but I don’t. I don’t have motivation, and the things I used to have passion for don’t matter anymore.
Depression and suicidal thinking seems to have taken over my life for the past year…could run on about my sad life… the traumatic sexual assaults as a child…the counseling… but why? Does anyone really care..? well the problem is someone does…my best friend has been dealt a shittier hand in life than me…its what has brought us so close…so there in lies the problem…as much as i want death how can i go through with it knowing how much it will hurt my friend..?