I can’t stand anything anymore. I’m so bitter about everything. i hate my job, my friends are awful, I am stuck in a town that I have lived in my whole life, i didn’t bother applying for any colleges because my grades always sucked and now I’m stuck going to a stupid community college and I don’t want to go to college right now. I am not mentally stable enough to pass any courses and I have to pay out of pocket because I don’t qualify for any financial aid. But I have to go or else I have to pay my parents rent because they want me to go to college so bad. But my heart just isn’t in it. What I really want is to go to New York. i want to live there and experience the New York lifestyle. i went there in March and completely fell in love with it and ever since I’ve been home, I have missed it like crazy. But I don’t think i can get there and I don’t have patience to stay here any longer. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so stuck and I’m full of such anxiety about the future, and I just don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I feel like such a failure and almost like I don’t even deserve to live. I have so many negative thoughts going thorugh my mind at one time that tell me that I shouldn’t be alive right now and that I should just kill myself because the universe is against me and I’m not allowed to be happy.