My last breath is now my first.

I want you to think of something, but not just anything. About you. About you life. Ever wondered how many people around you actually care and how many are just people waiting for gossip. Or if the people you loved so very much would care if you just one day disappeared. See I recently discovered just how many people “care”. We try to hide the things we love the most, and that’s exactly what I did. For many years I had a best friend. Someone who knew everything about me and the one person I thought really cared. I chose not to see who she really was cause when you care about someone you don’t want to see the bad. She never cared nor will she ever. I was called for help when SHE needed it and that was all we went months without talking but hey when she needs help there she was. I guess I’m one of those people who need it to slap them in the face before they realize there’s a problem here. And that’s exactly what I got. For years now you can say I haven’t been mentally stable. But this just pushed me over the edge. It was that day I realized that she did not care. It was that day my best friend the one whom I told everything to, told me to kill myself to make everyone happier and leave. And at that very moment I did not say a word, I could not it’s like time itself just froze. Like my life just stopped right there. I got home and I had enough I really did it this time I thought. deeper then before and more then before. Ha I said no more of this shit. Dozens of calls and texts from the people that I did not want to hear from saying don’t do anything stupid. I got one call that night JUST ONE from my “best friend” I did not pick up my sister did because I was busy. But after that not one more call nothing. I have a cell facebook Skype…. but I got nothing. she tried once. As I laid down that night I really did think that with what i’d just done I would just die in my sleep.( the many pills I took would kick in) But I woke up the next morning, feeling even worse. Great I couldn’t even do my own suicide right. That day we spoke (not my intention, long story short we were forced to speak) she cried and carried on that shes sorry and she could not sleep last night because she thought I wouldn’t be here in the morning. I finally just said it asking why she only called once, if I knew someone could die that night, why would u call once. Why didn’t u stop me or better yet why would you say that to me in the first place. she cried and went on. Then I just said she was lucky im here today. Today we are classmates no more no less. I am here today to prove to myself that I can live my life on my own. Yes im still “mentally unstable” and whatever. But im living and im breathing and to me that’s accomplishment enough.