02/09/2011

My grandfather was more like a dad then my actual father was he helped me through everything I spent all the time I possibly could with him he loved me and he always told me he did I always told him I loved him but one day I went to school and my teacher came and told me I had to leave school at 9 and my mom was coming to pick me up I was really excited cause I never got to leave school when it was 9 I got in the car and went home my dad was sitting at the table like he seen a ghost or something he told us that last night my grandpa shot himself in the heart and I was in shock I didn’t cry till almost a month after the funeral I lost it and cried every night and have been depressed ever since then I want to die because I get called so many names at school I get made fun of constantly and no one knows what I’ve even been through I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and I have even made a list of how it could happen I know it’s bad but I feel like I have no other choice I have god to help me but I just want to be happy again like I used to be but it’s impossible…