Goodbye to all you strangers :)

I sometimes miss what could have been- some people wont get that and wonder how I could miss something I’ve never experienced first hand, but I guess you don’t really need to understand it. My life is too full of what ifs, maybes, and day dreams of what I want myself and my life to be like. I think I stopped trying to live “here” a long time ago, I live in my head now because facing what is right in front of me is too painful. I cringe at the thought of acknowledging  my life, both past and present. Yet I am obsessed with how much people are acknowledging me, which drives me crazy.

There are so many things I hate about myself, and I know they say you should love your “flaws” but they’re called flaws for a reason. I wish I could say that I was a wise and a strong human being both mentally and physically, but i gave up on the physically part a long time ago, and the mental stuff is such a challenge.  I want so badly to grow into an independent person who doesn’t care what people thinks about her.

My username”caillte” is Irish for lost, which is what I am. I so desperately want to find myself at some point before I go.

If there is one thing I’ve gained off of this site is that I am not alone, and that my situation is not half as bad as what others are going through. I also learnt that I am a chicken and will never probably kill myself, but if I ever do then I know that the pain will of overided the fear.

I have figured some stuff out from this site and from the people who are on it. Just reading your stories has been  inspiring, sad, awakening, and comforting in a sense.

I’m not going to say something like keep holding on guys suicide isn’t the answer, which I have seen and heard people say before on sites and in life.  I think that is a load of bull and is the last thing someone wants to hear when there world has turned to shit. I’d like to think that for me and everyone else that the hollowness and depression we feel on the inside is.. well, I haven’t even answered it for myself so I’m going to leave it there because if I were to say anything on the matter it would be a case of the blind leading the blind.

Bye.x