welp, i’ve finally grown the balls to end my life, end this pain. honestly, i don’t know why i’m writing this. i guess i don’t necessarily want to die, i just don’t want to live. actually, let me clarify, i don’t want to live my current life; i would trade my life with ANYONE else on this planet. i have nothing, i am nothing. no one loves me, and whenever i try to love someone i end up smothering the person to the point where he/she hates me.
anyways, i think i’m just going to do it. i think i’m just going to get drunk/coked out/messed up and “fall” on the subway tracks. i’ve read that high voltage electrocution causes instantaneous unconsciousness; i’m still to much of ***** to slit my wrists, gun to the head, etc.
i think my last day on earth, i’m just going to sit in my room and watch movies; i don’t deserve to have fun. i don’t deserve anything/anyone. to all of the girls that have thrown me away, i forgive you. in fact, i SUPPORT your decision, i am disposable. after tonight, your decision will be proven correct. i will be removed from the subway track, eventually they will determine who i am and then i will be cremated and then disposed off. by this time tomorrow i will essentially be the same as a slaughtered animal; just a lifeless hunk of meat, fat, skin, bones, and various fluids. i guess i shouldn’t feel too bad, as a person who is deeply enthralled with math and science, (though not intelligent enough to grasp basic algebra), i recognize that we are all essentially just organic robots. instead of silicon wafers, copper and gold wires, diodes, etc., we are just carbon chains, with some hydrogen, oxygen, and ******** thrown in for good measure. add some water, various salts so that a voltage differential can be established and you have an organic robot.
TL;DR going to die, doesn’t matter, i am a soulless robot.
1 comment
I carried out multiple plans n yea i would have to get wasted to do it. But it takes more courage to stay alive than to die . If u dont have the courage man and need to loaded to do it dont u think mayb there is a part of u that wants to stay. I have nothing either but i have the courage to breathe just for another day. And hey ur not the only organic robot ur not alone on that. Nd ur not souless. To me ur a good writer. Use that to escape.