I need to get Ryan out of there. we have little contact, because his phone broke. he is the one I love most in this world. I wake up crying every single day and I feel like he feels trapped. I pray for him multiple times a day even after saying God doesn’t exist. I try to contact Ryan from his dad’s phone, only to have his dad tell me to never call or text his phone again. my parents don’t care about my problems, I pushed all my friends away, I have nobody that really wants to be around me anymore because I’m so […]
Monthly Archives
September 2014
I am a 40 year old male and I have never been in a relationship. All my life I have been abused and neglected and girls just don’t talk to me. I guess I’m one of those skinny, “creepy”, whiter than normal people who people, especially women feel pity for. And that is all I seem to get from the women who drive by with their boyfriends and husbands in this shitty town out in the middle of nowhere. My work history is really not that good so I can’t seem to get a job and all I live on is a dim hope that […]
We are all born, for the most part, knowing absolutely nothing about where we are or why we came into existence. When we grow old enough, we eventually learn of the inevitable mortality we will all face; we all discover there is an end to life. Sometimes, I go to sleep and wake up wondering what’s after all of this existence. I grew up living within the structure of a Christian denomination, which presents the possibility of ending up in either Heaven or Hell, depending on how unjust or just of a life I lead. On the flip side, as I’m sure many have, I […]
I am waiting.
I’m feeling super pissed now. I know. I’ll eventually crumble. I’ve always hated the end of the year. Worst. Memories ever.
I’m waiting.
For a worse memory to appear. For my anger and rage to dissipate, to be replaced by an abyss of hopelessness and regret. To be replaced by self hate. To push everyone away from me, from my own incompetence in life. To be angry at myself for doing so and repeat the whole cycle.
I’m waiting.
For a time where my life does not have this cycle. I wish I could kill people, but first I’d kill myself.
I’m waiting.
Till I am called by my […]
When are you a self harmer? Is it wrong? How long can you control it? I need help but i don’t think that i am a threat to myself. please help
All my life, people have hated and humiliated me for no reason. I have social anxiety disorder. I look timid and weird, so people treat me like crap. I’ve had rocks and trash thrown at me for no reason. Strangers scream at and intimidate me for fun. I stay home most of the time. I’m always lonely, so sad, and so angry. I’ve never been on a date. I’m so sick of life. I feel like the devil is punishing me for no reason. I wish I could close my eyes and die, but every morning I unwillingly wake up to a brand new damn […]
I’ve always wondered why during my darkest times can I never pick up the phone and call a friend? Is it pride? lack of will? or just plain embarrassment?
I don’t know why the days that I need someone’s help are the days I just wanna lock myself in the room and be alone. It just seems so counterintuitive and yet I do it over and over again.
Why is it that we prefer to suffer alone? Is it just me?
Why is it so scary to admit that you are sad? Sometimes I almost avoid ppl just so they won’t notice how depressed I […]
so i couldn’t really sleep so i was left all alone with my thoughts, and that’s not really a happy place for me. insert sigh here. heh i’m not used to spilling my problems out, but i thought this might help a little; that and i can think up horrible things for myself and this was a good way to distract myself. and right now any little bit is good. so i suppose i should start with the basics since this is my first actual post and non-comment. i’m 16, i’ve had a pretty good life so far, kind of distant parents, not that i […]
Beautiful and talented girl. You hid your pain so well. I know you’ve found your peace now.
Life is such a messy business
I have an amazing guy in my life that I keep pushing away, he does so much for me but why am I still not happy?
I have friends who care and try to help, but I’m still not happy.
My life isn’t perfect, I cry myself to sleep so many nights, all I want to do is die. I think about death all the time, the other morning I wanted to open the car door and roll into traffic, I couldn’t breathe last night, instead of taking my asthma pump I just let it be and closed my eyes…. but I’m still here…
I thought […]
I simply don’t look at life the same way others do. You can look at is as a miracle but I see it as a simple meaningless cycle. We laugh, we smile, and we cry but in the end it is ALL for nothing, you die. You die and then those who remembered you will die and then you are forgotten. I’d give the same advice to those I will leave behind “be strong, look on the bright side, things will get better.” Just when will they? If you’re telling me this everyday and nothing is changing then you are lying. Some say life is […]
New dilemma. I had another panic attack today, while at work. I was lucky enough to excuse myself so no one realized, but I don’t really remember what happened in the 20 minutes I was gone. Later on I notice my sleeve is sticking to my arm so I go to the bathroom to wash it off, thinking it was juice or something from one of my customers…nope. I had somehow cut myself. For the first time, I carved “useless” into my skin. What the hell?
“but then, it’d come out all fucked-up like me”
-Down-tempo, beautiful trip-hop;
not in the ship, the water the color; the dead messiah-
Tonight, who can save me
All rolled-up, is all that I see
Today, who the can save me
All dug down, is all that I see
There’s nobody, there’s nobody
Multiple-man, to resuscitate another
A mass-growth-utter, seven and eight-billion inside the Labyrinth
Killing me, killing me; the humanity
Jesus Fish
I want to go on but save me
Go to the store and get me my weed
We shall, we shall, decipher; golden dying
I am the living-myth, what is the living-myth
The living-myth, a giant black beast of hell
Who am I, why am I
Inborn with my golden […]
I cannot sleep…. I keep thinking about what someone said to me “no one gives a ish”….
No one cares and to have no one in your corner ,hurts. I tried telling a friend a few minutes ago that I still deal with depression and cannot get rid of these sucidal thoughts, And just said ” i thought you wasn’t going to go to that place no more”? Like really…. if i could really had a choice to feel the way I do don’t you think I would choose not to be feeling sucidal, depressed and lonely all the time…Damn, I do wanna be happy but I […]
I’m new to this site but I have seen a lot of posts about God. So I guess I’ll throw my two scents in.I’m just sitting here thinking that I should choose my next words carefully. Most of you will not read or care about what I write, so WTF.
Don’t you think it’s strange that every civilization has had some concept of a higher power? A God. Some benevolent being that looks down on all of us? Envoking an element of fear and obideince? Expecting our every whim and though to bend to this end? No matter what religion it might be? Is this not […]
I’ve been alone in my depression my entire life. I’ve got social anxiety so I’m basically a recluse. My depression is treatment resistant. The longest a medication has worked for me is two months before it stops and needs to be changed. To add to it I get the worst side effects. Uncontrollable muscle movements slurred speech and worse. I can’t take life anymore. I need a friend and a hug and someone to just hold me while I cry. It just doesn’t end. With everything going bad in my life I want to die so bad but I’m too big a coward to kill […]
So today I buried the man who was the closest thing to an actual father I had, and at the funeral my asshole of a stepfather who wasn’t half the man my uncle was, had the nerve to come talk to me about what I should or shouldn’t do with my uncles estate. It took every ounce of restraint not to knock his ass on the ground and pulverize him. Afterwards he begins to walk around and talk to people about his work. News flash, it’s a funeral. No one gives a shit about what you have to talk about. People are mourning the loss […]
I can’t pretend that I know what love means, neither how it dies. I lost control, everything around me goes on but doesn’t move. Maybe this was real love, too late we realized about what we had and lost. I’ve wasted so many years my love. I wouldn’t like this to be my conclusion.
Lately I’ve had lots of thoughts about cutting…I’ve never done it before. But I’ve know people who have and they say it relieves their pain and makes them feel better.
I guess the only thing stopping me is the pain. (Ironic that I could try to kill myself but not bring myself to slash my wrist lol right?)
i just want some of my pain to go away. I’ve never been 100% positive about suicide so this sounds good idk.
How bad does it hurt?