i don’t really know anymore

Lately, drugs have been one of my closest friends, and still the best I have to this moment in time. I’m 16 and ever since I was 14 I’ve just wanted to commit, nothing pleases me more then the thought of ending all the pain; from passings in my family to just being lonely. I’m home alone for most of the day outside of school, and I don’t have the grades for a future. School makes me want to hurt myself, the expectations are never met, no praise is ever given. I’m over it all, over everything, I used to be obese then something clicked and I got myself in shape, thought it would solve my problems. Maybe id like myself, it’s the complete opposite I’ve never hated myself so much, and the loneliness kills whatever is left alive inside of me. I want to cry. I want to tell my parents. But it will all come down to you just want attention. I’ve told my parents, I believe I have ADHD and they completely dismissed it and it was just a cry for attention. And the same goes for when I explained I may have PTSD. Just another cry for attention. I hurt everyday, I worry about every single detail. I don’t know what to do other then what im actually doing here on this website. Pick my death and don’t look back.