So this is probably the only time I’m gonna use this, account. I just needed it to get out. To vent. Anyways.. here it is.
I think I’m starting to accept the fact that there’s something wrong with me, and that I’m a terrible person. I feel “empty,” don’t know exactly what that means except, you feel I dunno dead inside? None of my emotions feel real. I’m beginning to think I’m not normal, crazy even. One of these days, not today, nor tommorow I will end it. I just don’t belong here, I shouldn’t be here, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, my mind is filled with so many thoughts, I just wish I could get away from it. Get away from reality. Too feel something. I’ve tried everything that people say helps you feel.. I guess. Cutting, Alcohol, everything. Nothing seems to help me. I don’t feel the same anymore , I’m not the same anymore. I don’t know who I am, and I can’t take it anymore. I always feel alone, I feel like people only want me around so they won’t be alone. I feel like I’m the only one who feels this way. Am I? Probably. I really don’t have a point to write this, this long ass entry no one will probably even take the time to read. I have so many questions, but no fucking answers. So basically, I’m just tired of feeling this way. Some people say they would love to feel nothing. But.. I don’t know what’s worse for me.. feeling it all, or feeling nothing at all. But fuck it. I just don’t know what’s going on. And I’m tired of trying to figure it out. Does anyone feel this way? No? Probably not. Alone again. But whatever. I’m done. Bye.
4 comments
Believe it or not, i can relate.
Feeling empty or numb can be because of depression, or because of painful experiences that take a big impact on you so badly that your mind rather shut down the feelings than let you feel all the pain.
Trying things to make you feel – it’s usually what would personally work for you, could be completely different other things than what works for others.
Doesn’t have to be things with a bad after-effect like alcohol or cutting.
Could be more usual stuff like loud music, physical activity, other hobbies (Sorry if that sounds a little silly but sometimes the most basic distractions can actually help get your mind off things).
If you have doubt about the reason people stick around with you, maybe you should look for new friends or new people to talk to who would give you a different better vibe.
If the thoughts you get really bug you this badly that you can’t shake it off, try and slow down, and think slowly.
Bit by bit, what might be wrong, what you are actually feeling and thinking and what might be the things that bother you and how you can solve them.
If there really is no reason for you to feel that way and i’m overthinking this, you might have a sickness and need to get it diagnozed so it can be treated.
Honestly i could understand people who say they would love to feel nothing.
It has some advantages to it.
I guess like every other thing, it has good sides and it has bad sides.
One of them is being able to think about things neutrally without having emotions effect you.
Sorry if i’m a little ‘technical’ and all, but i can honestly relate.
Have you ever heard of depersonalization and derealization? These symptoms you have described above fit perfectly to the diagnosis of these two disorders. I’ve been feeling like that for years and I can relate to your situation. I would suggest you to start taking cold showers, eating slowly and thinking of taste of food and touching things and trying to describe their surface. I haven’t had feelings too, only a mask – inside I’ve been dead. Finding a new hobby and being around people has helped me recently. These things above have helped too.
Hey ill bead…hope I’ve been good babe
Hey lill bead…hope I’ve been good babe