I don’t come on this site often, only when I feel shitty. Please try to comment if you can so I can get as much advice as possible. I was given a load of shit when I was born and honestly, not one single thing has changed. I have a sister that has mood swings and has some form of autism, my mom wants me to be her slave, among other things. I mentioned in my last post about my mom being in a wheelchair and I don’t mind helping her, but she does nothing else for me. My dad lets me do stuff with him but he doesn’t give a fuck about me either. I am 80% sure I’m gay but I don’t believe I was born gay. I think not being close to my dad and never making a single friend in my life is part of it. School starts very late in Michigan where I live; first day is September 8th. Going back to school is the only thing I want to do right now and I can’t stand another day of summer break. I want to at least have a chance of making a friend in the first month of school. If I can’t, then I’ll hop on Facebook and show my true self and start sending friend requests to people that I like. The only sports I like are NASCAR and football, in that order. I know, all they do is turn left, that’s beside the point. Anyway, back to questioning my sexuality, I have sexual fantasies about guys that look cute 2 or 3 times a day. Sorry if it’s too graphic but the truth is better than lies. I’m 80% sure I’m gay because until I have a sexual encounter with a guy, I will never know my true colors and I’m so confused and twisted with my thoughts that I don’t know what I want. My ideal situation would be having a guy friend about my age, 16, or maybe a little older. I want to be more than friends with a guy I like but not in a relationship, at least not at first. To add to it, I’m not a typical gay guy. I try my best to act as straight and as masculine as possible and I want to meet a guy that looks straight and acts straight. To me, most gay people are crybabies that just want sex and want to wear lipstick and eyeliner all the time. I really like football players and there is one on my high school team I have a huge crush on. I’m super shy and don’t talk to anyone but he’s tried to get me to cozy up to him and be his friend. He’s so god damn cute and he is an absolute stud. He’s your typical high school jock but he’s had suicidal thoughts and he’s a softie even though he doesn’t want to admit it:). I know I went too in depth but I just needed to express it. Finally, to end my thoughts and I know some of you may be offended but I am a conservative. I listen to Rush Limbaugh daily and I might be voting for president in 2016, so I like Republican candidates a lot more than Democrats. I want anybody and everybody to comment on all the points I mentioned and even though most of you are going through shit I can’t even imagine, you can pull through. Think about what you want as a job or career in the future and work towards that goal. Or, just think of something you like and do it as often as you can.
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How do you think your family would take you being gay ? Do you think they would accept you, for you? Im just thinking you would benefit by comming out. Let some of that steam out 🙂 Eventho you are not a 100% sure. Its always a good thing to talk about it. That is if your familiy can handle the toppic.
My mom comes from a very Christian family and I guess she just doesn’t understand gay people. My dad is not a church-goer but he thinks gays just want attention. I want to at least have my parents to lean on if I can’t find a place to live so even though I hate them I still want them in my life. I’m afraid it would be too risky to have that conversation but thank you for commenting.
Sexual preference is not as concrete as we make it seem. Biology is a process. You don’t have to be born gay or straight nor do you have to stay gay or straight. One of my best friends who absolutely believed he was born gay is now in love with a woman. His new motto is “hearts not parts”. If you feel attracted to someone, you’re sending out signals and subconscious cues. Chances are he’s picking up on that. Hang out with him, don’t make the first move, he might not either but if you’re enjoying each other’s company then you’ll spend more time together and you’ll eventually know. As for being a republican, don’t feel bad. You’ll wise up. I’m just kidding. Just vote for what you think is right. Your sexual preference does not determine your political beliefs. Goodluck.
I agree with your point that sexual preferences can change however I love guys for more than just their parts. Also I plan on trying to make friends in the first month of school and if I can’t then I might talk to him. His name is Austin and he is so cute but I will try to be friends with him first. Thanks for the comment.