8 years and counting

I know the feeling of isolation. When you can’t form relationships and have a rich life where you do a variety of things with others, then it is not abnormal to turn inwards and look for purpose/satisfaction by yourself. Some of these outlets are beneficial (like photography, playing the piano, meditation) , some may become harmful.(like cutting, smoking pot,drinking etc) Been there.

First of all, I think the main problem is the social anxiety. It has resulted in the other problems which seem bigger now, but which would be easier to let go of, if you were more at ease around people. You would start connecting with them more, and simply start letting go of your unwanted habits, and transform yourself. The reason you can’t let go right now is , you have no other area of satisfaction.

In terms of the social anxiety, how I got rid of it was, I basically did many things which didn’t work. From repeating myself suggestions like “I’m confident” like a parrot for days, to learning hypnosis installing beliefs and habits to myself, to trying CBT, to taking antidepressants/benzos, to forcing myself to walk up to strangers and talk everyday. None of them worked, the reason which I later learnt being that it’s the emotions that I feel while I’m around people that cause me to be weird and shy. And this was due to an emotional learning. When I observed it, I noticed, I always anticipated making a mistake and people laughing at me, so I was very anxious as a result to never make that mistake. Then I stumbled upon a self help tool, which works on this exact principle and removes the emotional learning that keeps the anxiety going. After years of struggle the anxiety was gone, and I started going out on group events, met a girl I like, started a business etc.

Anyways, my suggestion would be to pinpoint the emotional learning, and remove it once in for all. You can force yourself into social situations as much as you want (even if you can muster up the courage to do that) but in the end as long as the emotional response is there you will have a hard time doing the action and finally most probably retreat. In rare cases, people start with say a fear of public speaking, and by forcing themselves through it many times, become good public speakers in the end. But I think that usually does not happen when the phobia is there.

I don’t want it to look as I’m advertising here , but I can give you the name of the tool I found through email and you can research it and see if it helps you. My email is aaronguner1984 at gmail .