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I don’t know either.

by Cordless

What my brain apparently told me today:

1. Get a small coffee but refill it way more times than you should. Repeat until hands tremble, and blinking no longer makes logical sense.

2. Hold the nearest pencil without dropping it, and draw a picture of Alan Ominous’s avatar on the back of your receipt.
(His avatar is “Crazy Eyes” from the Adam Sandler movie “Mr. Deeds”. Google it to see a plethora of eyes going in separate directions.)

3. Stop after 40 minutes, no matter how BAD the drawing looks. Ignore the buzzing sound in your head as you take a picture of the drawing and post it to SP, wondering how you’re going to apologize later.

4. Dammit, my coffee is empty. Why is my coffee empty? I need a refill.

5. Colors…. they sound like chipmunks.




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mysteriousvisitor 5/25/2016 - 6:52 pm

Wait a minute! You mean Alan’s avatar isn’t his picture? 😉

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 9:27 pm

Shocking, isn’t it?

rocketman 5/25/2016 - 7:04 pm

Cordless, Good job! i’m glad you decided to pick on Alan, Sorry Alan! misery loves company!! 🙂

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 9:28 pm

I’d be glad to sketch YOUR avatar too if it was a picture of an actual person….

rocketman 5/25/2016 - 9:38 pm

Hang in there! I have a feeling you may have something to sketch in the future!!

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 9:43 pm

Rocketman: Here, cordless, sketch this!

Me: What the hell is that?

Rocketman: It’s my new avatar picture!

Me: But it… looks like…

Rocketman: Exactly! Me in the nude, holding a cluster of grapes.

Me: I… um. You didn’t wash off those two grapes at the bottom very well.

Rocketman: Those aren’t grapes.

Me: Maybe I’ll let Hazy paint this one instead.

rocketman 5/25/2016 - 9:51 pm

Cordless, I Couldn’t think of anyone else i’d like to paint my dirty grapes!!!! just don’t squish them!!! they mean a lot to me!!!!

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 9:54 pm


mysteriousvisitor 5/25/2016 - 10:06 pm


rocketman 5/25/2016 - 10:12 pm

mysteriousvisitor, yeah easy for you to say their not your grapes!!!!

HERE4UOK 5/25/2016 - 7:49 pm

Oh come on, I thought Steve Buscemi was one of us..!
Good drawing btw

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 9:29 pm

Sadly, as far as I know, Alan’s eyes are perfectly straight. 😉

rocketman 5/25/2016 - 9:53 pm

Cordless, oh yeah a soft brush would be preferred 🙂 not a roller!

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 9:56 pm

No paint guns?

rocketman 5/25/2016 - 10:01 pm

AWWWWWWWW!!!!!! NO NO NO!!!!!! NO PAINT GUNS!!!!! Soft brush!! Please 🙂

rocketman 5/25/2016 - 10:05 pm

Made of camel hair 🙂 Those are the best kind! 🙂

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 10:37 pm

There are also those stiff wire brushes they use for cleaning BBQ grills….

It would probably be cheaper than a paint gun.

Morris 5/25/2016 - 9:40 pm

I’m somewhat dismayed to learn that you drink McDonald’s coffee. Life is short, don’t support corporate juggernauts. May I suggest trying mom n pop coffee outlets instead. Spend money at neighborhood corner shops, not the soul-less Wal-Mart’s of this world.

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 9:46 pm

For the longest time, I HATED coffee of any kind.
It was only in the past 5 years or so that I gradually came to tolerate it.
At first I blended hot cocoa with it, and gradually tapered that off until I simply take it straight.
I haven’t yet learned the difference between good coffee and bad coffee.
I admit I have a lot of learning to do.

Alan Ominous 5/25/2016 - 9:55 pm

It’s not the quality of coffee per se. McDonald’s coffee = funding the evil corporations

Billy Bobs backyard BBQ and Cafe = local community support.
Just be weary of Billy’s “signature Colombian” blend. It’s actually regular coffee filtered through a guy named Jose’s sock.

Morris 5/25/2016 - 9:56 pm

That’s ok, I’m sorry if I came across as a coffee snob. (I am. I’m worse than those wine snobs).
I’ve been drinking coffee for my entire adult life. There is a very discernible difference between good, decent and bad, and all variations in between when it comes to coffee.
I despise corporations, too, but that’s a different conversation.
Anyway, no disrespect meant. If evil, watered-down corporate McDonald’s coffee stokes your creative fires, who am I to judge?
Rock on.

Alan Ominous 5/25/2016 - 9:59 pm

My expertise coffee drinking, Starbucks is shit. Surprisingly Pilot truck stop is decent.

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 10:06 pm

@alan: Point taken. I like rooting for the underdog instead of the overlord. I just have been negligent about applying that philosophy in a commercial sense. I’ll see what spots we have around here. If it’s good, I’ve found a new place to go. If it’s awful, I can always enjoy the angst. Win/Win, I guess.

@Morris: I don’t know if it stokes the creative fires, so much as it fuels a healthy sense of cynicism and makes me have to pee.
Have you ever tried Luwak coffee? The kind made from civet droppings after it’s passed the coffee beans through its system?

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 10:08 pm

I have never tried Starbucks.
Not sure where the nearest one would be.
I live in one of those rare spots on the globe where we DON’T have one on every corner.

Morris 5/25/2016 - 10:22 pm

Don’t go to Starbucks. It’s about $80 a gallon and B grade.
I’ve never tried coffee that’s brewed from a bean that’s passed through an animal’s digestive tract, but they say it’s delicious.

My go-to Java is Peet’s Major Dickason’s Blend. According to the blurb on the side of the package, it’s “Rich, complex, multi-layered; like a relationship with an old friend”.

🙂 Fucking marketers. It’s great coffee, they’re based outta Berkeley, CA, but they likely get the beans from Guatemala or someplace llike that.

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 10:41 pm

Interesting that this seems to be another of those cases where the most expensive option is not necessarily the best.

$80 a gallon…


Hazy Day Sunflower 5/25/2016 - 9:51 pm

Free internet Morris.

Alan Ominous 5/25/2016 - 9:57 pm

Most places have that now. Sure, free internet… but what happened to free sauce packets MCDONALD’S!? 30¢ for honey mustard, bastards.

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 10:10 pm

I know!! Outrage!
Sweet & Sour is my favorite.
I liked the Sweet Chili before they got rid of it.

Habanero mixed with BBQ is also promising.

But 30 cents? Gahh!

Alan Ominous 5/25/2016 - 10:17 pm

Next they’re going to want a nickel for an extra napkin. Or restrooms for customers only. $1.50 “convenience” fee for using drive thru.

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 10:22 pm

Ten cents for a straw….
Five cents if you actually want a lid on the drink.

mysteriousvisitor 5/25/2016 - 10:32 pm

An extra dollar if you want actual meat in the hambuger.

mysteriousvisitor 5/25/2016 - 10:33 pm


Cordless 5/25/2016 - 10:38 pm

And if you want it cooked all the way through….

Morris 5/25/2016 - 10:39 pm

There are places in Mexico that charge you for toilet paper. Seriously.

Me: Donde estas bano?
Clerk: (points) Ayaa
Me: Gracias
I walk to the bathroom, go in, and notice there’s no toilet seat or toilet paper. I walk back to the clerk.
Me: No tienes papier? Es no papier para el toilet.
Clerk: It’s a dollar a roll.
Me: Oh. Your English is perfect. Here’s a dollar.
Clerk: (Hands me a roll of toilet paper).
Me: Thanks. (I wish he would’ve spoken to me in English from the get go, but whatever. He was testing me).

That happens pretty frequently.

mysteriousvisitor 5/25/2016 - 10:42 pm

Morris, there are some places in the mountains that charge per flush because of the expense of hauling water up to that location.

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 10:43 pm

@Morris: And I’m guessing it wasn’t Ultrasoft Charmin, either.

Morris 5/25/2016 - 10:52 pm

I didn’t bother asking how much it cost to rent a toilet seat. I just hovered over the relief station, dropped my shipment, turned in the paperwork then left. (No soap, so hand-washing seemed kinda pointless).
Toilet paper costs money, I understand that. A business doesn’t want non-paying patrons blowing up the bathroom. Fine.

Cordless 5/25/2016 - 11:01 pm

It would truly be frustrating if you spent a whole dollar on the paperwork and ended up getting only air mail.

Morris 5/25/2016 - 11:10 pm

Don’t eat and you won’t have to poop.
Personally, I enjoy a good meal so I’m willing to accept the consequences.

Geez. This conversation has taken a hard left turn from drawing a bug-eyed Steve Buscemi.

I’m terribly sorry.

nepheliad 5/25/2016 - 11:14 pm

No soap in Mexico? Jesus. I’ll have to remember to bring my own, and lots of hand sanitizer whenever I visit. I’d rather not risk contracting deadly diseases.

mysteriousvisitor 5/25/2016 - 10:40 pm

Best coffee I have ever had is Vietnamese coffee in a Vietnamese restaurant. I was also pretty impressed by the Hawaiian coffee that I tried one time. While I’m all for supporting local coffee shops, I have to admit that Starbucks’ s’mores frappuccino is yummy.

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