i wanna die

I’ve stopped taking my meds in hopes of bringing back all the shittiness and to maybe store meds for if I ever decide to kill myself and I tell myself that it’s better than feeling numb but I honestly just hate myself and I feel so uncomfortable unless my chest is bound and I don’t know why. but I just wanna fucking die. I’m so tired and I hate myself and I can’t find the energy to do anything and I can’t reach out to anyone and my mom won’t stop preaching about god and I’m all alone and fuck. I really just wanna die. would I be found quickly if I killed myself at school cause I don’t want my parents to find me but I really just want to kill myself. my mom found my blades so she took those but I need something to control so I’ve tried to stop eating lunch but I can’t cause I’m fucking weak but I’m too fat and I just want to kill myself. I hate my body. someone kill me