i have a condition in which i compulsively pick my skin. ugly brown scars are everywhere in my body. on my shoulders, thighs, belly, butt, on my back, on my neck… everywhere. i’m in shape (just been a tiny bit fat in summer lately, which i know i can fix quickly) and i’m not that ugly, but the skin of my body is awful. whenever i see some girl wearing tops or even t-shirts and have normal skin, i get this very bad feeling in my stomach and a voice goes in my head: “if only others knew you’re such a freak that doesn’t have […]
i can’t take it anymore. i hate it when he yawns, when he makes a disgusting sound when he drinks tee, when he chews food with open mouth, when he licks his fingers when he eats (I MEAN WHO ON EARTH DOES THAT!) when he makes some disgusting sound i don’t know if there’s a word for it… when he’s not doing anything with his fucking mouth but still there is a disgusting sound. OH and when he kisses my niece and nephew (his grand children) he makes this hateful disgusting sound with his wet lips UGHHH…
i mean like i’m in my room doing my […]
you can skip the first paragraph
i used to be suicidal some years ago, but i tried really hard and now i’m actually successful. i’m a computer engineering student and my grades are so good that i can go for masters degree without entrance exam. i’m a digital artist too and i’m currently an intern in a game development studio. it’s what i always wanted. although having to study hard and working at the same time is sometimes overwhelming, but it’s good. it makes me feel […]
ugh i just can’t stand living with my parents!
i don’t know why. i mean… they are good people! but i hate it when my father yawns or makes noises […]
Few days ago was my second suicide attempt anniversary.
I got sick for one of my exams (which was an important one) and I couldn’t get enough score to pass the exam. My friends were so good to me and they convinced the professor to take another exam from me and she accepted and now I’m really happy. Not because I didn’t fail. I just loved the fact that other students -even the ones I’m not close with- care about me so much and believe in me that they don’t want me to fail only because of my sickness. I mean, recently I kind of feel […]
I really hate my body. I’m not fat, I’m not too ugly, I’m just covered with scars and a I hate it when I sweat. I actually hate my skin. I’m only 19 and I should be beautiful at this age. I can resist my stretch marks because almost everyone has them so they are natural but I can’t stand my scars. My body is full of those red things. They first appeared the first time I shaved my body hair and now they are everywhere on my hands and legs. I used to have tones of acnes on my face and now they’re gone […]
after years of suffering, it’s getting good at last.
i think i’m feeling happy and it seems to last for a while. the question here is, why did God tortured me like that?
i know that the day would come that everything will turn upside down again and i will feel down and suicidal -since no happiness is everlasting and no sadness, too- and i think that i’m not ready for that day.
i definitely feel stronger than before all these things happened to me – i don’t really want to say what i’m referring to by “these” – but i don’t like the idea of being put […]
You have no idea how many times I typed all that down and deleted it. (I am referring to the story of my thoughts by “that”)
it all seems great and wonderful when it is inside my brain, but when i say it aloud (or in this case; type it down) it seems sarcastically unimportant.
i haven’t lived for about two years. everything has changed, suddenly and adversely. i don’t feel good at all.
yes! i don’t feel good at all! that’s the best way to explain it.
I’ve got a major problem.
I guess I can’t go on anymore.
I think that I’ve been cheated. I think god(or whoever who created me) didn’t have any right to create me against my own will. all religious people react to that in a very bad way. they laugh at me, they humiliate me (and say I have no right to decide about want god should do and what not); and some of them who are not so arrogant try to make excuses for god’s doings. I hate all those people who love god for no good reason. happy people (I tend to call them “happy”) believe that […]
yesterday when i was done and tried to kill myself, i found out something new about myself :i’m so coward . i was REALLY angry of being alive but i couldn’t kill myself i couldn’t cut my wrist with blade. i tried but it was painful so i just ended up crying like a little child and now i have another reason to hate myself. i always thought that i can kill myself if i really want to but i was absolutely wrong.
my sister told me that she loves me and begged me not to kill myself. i remember once she cried so hard on […]
i used to be a very happy child. i’m still always smiling almost all the time but it’s a fake smile covering my true feelings. this life means nothing to me. and one of the reasons that i hate myself is that my feelings are easily changed so i cannot be sure about what i really feel.
why are we here? isn’t this a bit strange for you? what does life mean? what if i wasn’t born at all? there MUST be some reasons for being here!
i feel i’m in prison. i don’t like to be here. and sometimes i suspect that other people are not real […]