claritee

Fuck.

Alright, I’m back. You know me, the girl that whines about her ex in almost every post. Back in July he sent me a text message, basically after 3 months of not having contact with him. It made me VERY anxious.

We had a wonderful relationship but it just collapsed near the end when I started showing how fucked up I really am. How I had trust issues and also anxiety issues that made me keep a distance from him. It drove him up the wall. He also has severe anxiety issues, probably more than me, having suffered with intense OCD for the majority of his […]

I haven’t been here for a while, I was feeling good. Now I feel exactly the way I did about 3 or 4 months ago.

I’m tired of this.

I kind of wish sometimes that I could just check out. Like… just go to sleep for like a year and then wake up later. But what is that going to solve? I’d wake up still depressed. I’m just tired. I’m tired of all the responsibility on my back and I’m tired of struggling to get through each day. I hate living like this.

When things are going right, but you still have suicidal ideation.

What a *****. I’m so tired of my brain.

I feel BAD. I know, you’re thinking… well duh. Why else would you be here? My anxiety and depression has been somewhat under control lately, but today I just want to end it all.

This is the only place where I can let this feeling out. I’m just so tired of my thoughts and my brain.

It would be nice not to feel anything. I want to be tranquilized mentally and thrown into a deep cold hole.

I’ve been steady for the past few weeks, but sometimes I get these whiffs of clarity that I would rather be dead. It comes and goes like waves. I’m tired…