eternaldarkness

I really don’t want to have to go back home. It’s dysfunctional and the place I’d get is TINY and not great. Also then I’d have to deal with family shit. Also there is nothing for me in that city/state.

But idk where else I can go. I can try overseas but idk. I’m just too sick and depressed to make it work. It what I had wanted to do, but my confidence has been shot thanks to this vulnerable narcissist that purposely kicked me in the face while i was down bc she relishes in hurting people (you evil […]

I was abused as a child and NOBODY did a fucking thing. Hell, they all claimed ignorance bc they “didn’t know.” They “didn’t know” only bc they didn’t bother to even talk to me. Nobody even wanted to have anything to do with me back then. And it wasn’t 1 time. Or 2 times. It was over a period of TEN YEARS so no fucking excuse.

I left home and I had nothing to do with them for the last 26 years. Turns out they’re just as shitty if not worse to me now. I told them about […]

Mom was abusive to me as a child. But she is the only one who even semi “cares” about me. Which is more than I can say for the rest of them- sisters, brother, cousins, uncles- don’t give a rat’s ass about me. NONE of them are willing to help me in any way or shape. Everyone except my mom would be HAPPY if I killed myself. Not kidding about that. The rest of them just want me gone. They already want nothing to do with me. I don’t talk to them. The 1 or 2 […]

Like that story about the girl who pushed her “friend” off a bridge and got 2d of jail while a 16yo got put in jail (juvie) for 78d for not doing her online hw. Or the 17yo girl in Texas that got put in jail for truancy- missing more than 10d of school in a 6mo period. Or the CA mother who was jailed for 180d (SIX whole MONTHS) bc her kid cut a bunch of classes. So…if you can’t make your uncontrollable kid go to school, YOU the mother get put in jail. Mother then loses her job and her […]

Ok, so apparently you can push someone off a bridge, say “oops, sorry” and get just TWO days in jail.
Meanwhile the girl who got pushed broke 6 ribs and a punctured lung.

The story is insane.
“Prosecutors recommended NO jail time, but the judge refused to go along.”
So they made it seem like the judge was being all stern for sentencing the girl to TWO days in jail when that is just absolutely nothing.

TWO days for pushing a “friend” off a bridge. Meanwhile, this girl Grace gets jailed for 78d for not doing her online homework. Yep, makes sense to me […]

America needs to WAKE THE FUCK UP!
People need to stop being Sheeple or Ostrich’s with their head in the sand.

But the ones seeing this dysfunction are the ones labeled “mentally ill.”

It has been done many times in the past.

Past visionaries, people ahead of their time, were either jailed or locked in asylums, for thinking differently than “mainstream.” Back in the day, if you thought the Earth was Round, you were considered insane.

But giving COCAINE to TODDLERS for toothaches was a […]

Holy shit, we’ve had our 130th mass shooting just THIS YEAR ALONE. And it’s still March!!

What do you all think about that? It’s been going on for SO long and after every shooting it’s always the same, “thoughts and prayers.” No one EVER does anything. No one EVER funds the desperately need mental health services. Hell, I’m not even a fan of the US mental health system and I think it needs more funding and better access (especially the therapy and support part, not the meds/psychiatry part).

Therapists and counselors also need better training bc right now, most are shit. […]

So this doesn’t apply as much to you young folks, bc you still have a chance. But for us single middle age folk- if we haven’t been able to find a suitable person to want to be with us by now, what chance is that going to happen in the next 5 years? or even 10 years (although at that point we’re getting pretty fucking old).

There’s the “left over” theory- ie those that are good quality men and women, get snatched up early. Those who are left, well, they’re not really desirable- people who are poor, ugly, disabled, depressed, unmotivated, unproductive, not smart, […]

What would you undo?

edit-
lol i had originally meant in ur own life, like any “mistakes” or choices that would have brought out dramatic changes in your life, like just switching majors or having gone to a different school. had i gone with what i originally wanted to do at the original uni i wanted to go to, my life would have been MUCH different. sigh. 🙁

or what if i had tried running away when i was little and actually done it?

I’ve been so depressed the last few months that I’m not even eating. Ok, it’s more like due to my fatigue and health issues, it’s the GETTING food that is the big problem. I could do it, but it’s so taxing on me. Which means I haven’t been going as often as I need and so I’ve been going hungry.

I told myself I need to go to the grocery store today, but yet again, I am lying in bed not doing it.

It’s so fucking bullocks that you have to keep getting groceries, keep eating, just to live. I […]

What would you undo?

I wouldn’t be half as depressed if food, housing, transportation, or anything related to LIVING weren’t so goddamn expensive.

It was always expensive before, but since covid, the cost of EVERY FUCKING THING has skyrocketed. How am I supposed to be happy if I am poor and can’t afford anything?

Telling me to “think positive” doesn’t do me shit if I’m hungry and my brain is throbbing from lack of affordable nutritious food. And going there without transportation to lug all the food back is a problem too, especially if you’re disabled and sick.

People have REAL problems. Whether it’s lack of money or […]

This post isn’t about politics. I am not a Republican or Democrat (I hate them all, all the establishment shills), and I don’t care for Trump, but he did give us a good term- Fake News. This video is the definition of Fake News.

This is a good example of what our “news” is really like. This isn’t even political or covering anything controversial- just RAIN. But even coverage of something that’s just rain is being painted and pretended to be something it’s not. And this was 11 years ago, before the age of “Fake News.” This was back when […]

There’s a TON of things online that is just not true, but is put out there like it is. No, I’m not talking flat-earthers and such. I’m talking from things like science, diet, nutrition, finance, money, economy, etc. There’s so much “misinformation” out there, both intentional and unintentional, and it’s coming from everywhere- MSM but also alternative sites too. Nobody can agree on the facts. And I’m not just talking politics. Talking about everything- name any subject.

I hate how when ppl write stuff online, ppl just take that author’s word as fact. Just say you’re publishing Opinion Pieces, […]

What do you do when you no longer have the energy or the willpower to fix your life? No one is going to fix our life for us, or help us. But when you’re sick, have no energy, can barely sustain going to the grocery store and showering, then how tf is anything going to get better?

all i can do is get through each day, which means laundry, food, showering, brushing teeth, etc. After it’s done, you crash. then repeat the next day and next day and next week and next month. No energy to do anything more than that. […]

How can we be happy and productive when our bodies feel like crap 97% of the time? This isn’t even about depression. I have so many health issues. It’s impossible to have any kind of life, let alone enjoy one’s life, when you’re always feeling like crap- physically. Which then obviously brings on the depression.

For about a few hours last night, I felt physically ok-ish. So therefore mentally I was doing ok. But now I’m back to feeling like crap, physically. So therefore I’m now back to feeling depressed again.

I just can’t.
I want my misery to end.

No one is going to save me, and I’m too sick and broken to save myself.

too long to type but FML, just FM shitty life

You know, I had always thought mind control would be the best superpower to have. It probably still is. Along with self-healing. Or time travelling. Or the power to see the future.

Ooh there’s new powers i’ve never heard of:
omnifabrication- the ability to invent anything.
omnimanipulation- the ability to manipulate anything and everything- time/space, objects, mind, life/death, etc. now that’s just cheating! lol

But I’m thinking the power of “luck” would be cool too. It’s a power you can’t directly control, but shit, it sure would be nice to be “lucky” for a change.

would greatly reduce my stress and anxiety over lack of money
reduce my depression from my lack of resources to go places, do things, see things, afford things
pay ppl to help me do things
afford better, healthier, and tastier food
oh yeah, and have an actual NICE place to live in instead of worrying over fucking mold/mildew/stale/rotten air
would do wonders for my depression.
and my health.

who says money doesn’t buy happiness or help depression?
fuck yeah it’d help me. LOTS.

you notice how the people who always say “money doesn’t buy happiness” never give it away.
funny how that is eh?