I keep getting these constant fears that im going to end up all alone and it seems like it might be true.in 10 years will my parents even be alive and were will I be if there not here to take care of me.im going completely insane cause Ive never worked.i don’t do college . I’ve never been in a relationship nor is anyone even remotely interested in me.no kids.im disabled I want to die but am a coward who cant find the strength to jump off a bridge and the only other thing ive ever tried is overdose . everyone says im doing well […]
Today is my birthday.im twenty two.twenty two and unmedicated and suicidal.but heres the thing i dont know if I’ll ever complete suicide.i tell myself i will and i even get as close to swallowing pills or standing on a bridge.but the thing is i seek help or i wait to long and help arrives.on wendsday i want to kill myself but my mind jumps ahead to overdosing and seeking. Help right. After.i believe a lot of this is fear based and this is a cry for help.i just don’t know how. To ask for it ecspecially seeing as the only help the er will offer […]
Dear sister wether this is are final goodbye or the first of many more.i want you to know ive always loved you though you dont feel the same way.i wanted us to have a special bond the kind of sisters who could share anything.instead I became the sister you wanted to get away from.now you got your wish amd hopefully after this letter youll be free.im not just doing this cause of you theres a lot of reason.sure I love you and cant stand you leaving but theres a lot of reasons kind of to many to explain on a single note.i have to let […]
so i burned myself the other day feel like doing it again cause im not satisfied with the amount of damage.school is also tommorow dont know why im trying again at something im bound to fail at.I want to do good but you cant live in the world if you dont want to live in the world.
I do have good reasons for wanting to leave.My whole family is alive and i dont want to watch them die in the next ten years.I want things to like pause forever and the only way i can do that is by dying.this world is crazy nobody is […]
I watched this movie today called gimmie shelter.the girl basically had a hard life crazy mother rich dad who didnt want her.but in the end she got her happy ending.i would say only in the movies but this was based off a true story.what i wonder is why cant i ever get things right.this girl probably still has worries and hardships but her life will still be better than mine. Cause she got the help she needed.im twenty one all i think about is suicide and its starting to seem like thats all i know.and that would be great except ive never made […]
It feels like the only way to get people to care is if your dead or in critical condition man I swear if I had a gun id blow myself away.i just got out out of the er for trying to kill myself twice in one day. They let me in the morning and by night time I was back and they let me go again.the reason im upset though is cause the psychiatrist said my problems are not considered a crisis. I dont usually speak up for myself but I wish I had told him to go fuck himself.i have put off suicide attempts […]
So im a little afraid of dying which ive told myself is normal so im okay with that.What i cant figure out is why unlike other times i dont feel sad but i do feel suicidal.It bugs me cause i dont feel much of anything when it comes to emotions other than that fear of not knowing whats after this.Im still going through with it but it would be easier if i was feeling some depression along with it or some anger.Maybe i am empty inside i just dont know.My sisters leaving and i may hurt others if i dont stop my life.Im doing it […]
I have become determined to prove myself and make others stop treating me like i dont matter.Im going to try a more serious attempt and gods will be done.I thought i had a reason for doing it but i dont.Apart of me says good riddance to this god awful planet apart of me says one more chance.Im getting older ill be twenty two in september.My sister will be off having a life in college.all my brothers and sisters will have left me.my parents will be dead ill be lost and confused I hate people who cry about boyfriends and girlfriends on here.i want to commit […]
i am writing this down more as a note to myself than to all of you but you can still listen.I am not going to kill myself in a few days from now though i may die and that is the intended goal as i do not have the desired will to live,But im probably not going to die as my attempts always fail.
the plan will be to reschedule appointments to friday that way i can get an important event out of the way.Id like to take friday off completely but i dont know if thats possible.anyway after my appointment i will go to […]
Ive posted again and again on here and have not yet managed to kill myself.I know im running out of time.Something more tragic is coming if i dont commit and succeed at suicide.Like me being homeless.I wish i could just run in front of a car and get it over with but i freeze.Ive tried dehydrating myself and overdose.Apart of me is afraid of succeeding just cause i dont know what is after this.What if i come back to this earth.what if hell is real and ive got to look forward to demons poking at me with knives in a dugeon for the rest of […]
its funny how as an adolescent i had many different reasons i wanted to die and they made sense to me.Now im not really sure if dying is the goal as of late.Acually im not sure what the goal is.
I find myself getting depressed over little things such as my aunt wasting away and me not speaking with her.also things like transpportation issues.Money issues despite never having had to pay a bill my whole life.I worry about not having a significant other.i worry about being alone homeless and helpless.Suprisinginly i worry about my own health since ive tried to take my own life so […]
I hate the fact how i can do good not being sucidal and staying out of hospitals.Then you make one stupid mistake and it ruins everything.My mistake was being curious and that curiousity led me to find the pills my mom hid away..I now have a bunch of those pills and dont know when i will snap and try to kill myself.I just know i cant help it and it willl happen.I will try to kill myself at some point.Ive only told my best friend she asked if she could tell my parents i threatened to do it sooner if she did.I felt bad about […]
I see absolutely no point of being around.I just keep forgetting that and end up backing out of suicide before its to late.I cant keep doing that.Im not meant to be was never meant to be.My oldest sister will be leaving soon off to college i will never hear or see her again.I cant deal with that.
If i continue to live i will be homeless or institutionalized.My best friend says shell take care of me but she cant take care of herself let alone can i.I dont know how to survive this world.I cant survive this world.Ive thought of seeing if i can hang […]
i freaking called a crisis line what the fuck is wrong with me they will call the cops and send me back to the looney bin god i hope the police dont show up at my house tonight.I even told her the state i live in.Now i feel even worse.I hope i get the chance to end myself tomorrow since they think its friday
Im so done with life and all the nothingness shit it has to offer.So im out on thursday.I dont really agree or disagree with suicide.Im a little scared but i figure fear is a natural part of death.If i wasnt scared i wouldnt be human.
I got test results for my heart that landed me in the er weekend of my birthday.Guess what they found?Nothing! normally i wouldnt be bothered by this but im in pain a lot and im a bit tired of this.doctors trying to make me out to be some type of liar or crazy ass *****.fuck them all.ill self medicate and […]
dear mom dad if they take me away for trying to kill myself this time or if get what i want and die your just going to have to deal. Im tired man im just really tired.Sick of never feeling happy no matter what i do sick of relapsing.Sick of medication.sick of therapist always canceling.
well im done know it wasnt your fault but rather all mines cause i didnt try hard enough.maybe ill get my wish this time and regret what i did.Maybe ill back out of this thing monday but i very much doubt it. Theres a lot of bad things happening […]
Im trying hard to be the best person i can be but my thoughts are elsewere.Elsewere as in on suicide.I dont even have a good reason for wanting die.But i cant stop thinking about dying.i want my thoughts to quiet down.So i dont have to keep doing this.But right now i have this urge that just keeps saying do it.do it..Its not voices rather a feeling.Its night here so im especially tempted to drink the bottle of pine sol.I dont think im going too.But its very hard not to at the same time.My therapist is threatening to lock me away somewere permenately if i […]
I stopped taking my meds.By the end of the month i will have enough.I just hope i get the courage to go all the way.In the past ive been scared and gotten help.dont know why i keep doing that?although im pretty sure theyd let me bleed to death at the hospital.Ive been there to many times for them to care.I remember taking my psych meds and i almost suffocated.Funny how just when your dying instinct kicks in and you fight to live.Damn i wish i could stop doing this already.But the crazy side of me just wants to keep trying.Who knows if ill die this […]
its unbeleivable that today im talking to you all when tommorow will be another attempt that i will probably fail at but im going to try anyway.If i should die.I will probably figure out to late its a mistake and that im stupid.Im just tired of the mindless dysfunction of my life and household. I cant take all this screaming.And i have a therapist who still has not gotten back to me.I just ended today with my current therapist.That alone is a hard loss.I cant take this back.Its been planned and so it will happen. If anything goes wrong its my fault. Im a […]
sometimes id love to just bang my head against the kitchen table till i bleed to death.You see im caught between this road of all for killing myself yet slightly afraid.Not Afraid of whatll happen to me but to everyone else.My families is bad but not that bad. Im afraid by living im making my life worse and that by dying ill make there lives worse. I told my mom recently after my admission to the hospital that i felt everyone that theyd be better off if i was dead. But my mom told me how everyone acted when i was away at the hospital […]