I overreacted now my hand may be broken…. Well parts of it.
I guess it’s a little bit more like me now, maybe after the horrible pain stops I’ll finally feel like it’s part of a body that I deserve.
I hope it’s fucked forever, I deserve this.
-wonders if emptypluto is still around- :/
I should really consider stopping sucking at writing poems. But I enjoy being shit at this hobby I guess. Welp I guess I want to share this anyway, it could probably be made better with more refining I mostly wanted to just get an outline down, and will probably never fix it up I’m sure…. At least I’ve never fixed up anything I’ve told myself I would eventually. -_-
The waiter brings you to your table
It’s as perfect as the person
On the other side, tonight is fable
The candle light aids your immersion
Your beings melt together
Drip, Drip, Drip
An ice sculpture melts forever
Drip, Drip, Drip
The red velvet table […]
My life is darkening
My heart is hardening
My mind shut, am I insane?
I make a cut to numb the pain.
I watch my blood bead down my arms
Scars are my protective charms
They ward me from the evil
Of this world, evil so deceitful
Friends become lethal
To me they act so gleeful
To their real friends, just so evil
Say things that I cannot hear
Then one day they disappear
They were a puppeteer
And I their new toy
A solid hunk of plastic to bring them joy
Do and say all they wanted
I just needed to be wanted.
Opps…. I published that early…. damn enter key not being tab, I’m really tired in general…. Really tired of life…. I did finally find a job, it doesn’t make me feel like a person, I no longer can see my counselor either…. I only wanted a part time job but I’m being forced to work 40 hour weeks eventhough I was hired as a part time person…. But I found time to write this garbage thingy, I wanted to share it…. It feels nice to do this…. I’ve mostly been lurking here as of late :/
What is life worth when we can’t even dream?
Feeling like […]
I’m eyeing this blade that I pulled out of a pencil sharpener…. It sucks, I hate it and it sucks, it just doesn’t do enough for me. I tossed pretty much everything else I have into the trash a long time ago and never really bought anything back, my xacto blade broke so badly and is so dull that it can’t even do anything anymore, it’s just a dull piece of metal so all I have is this little blade from a pencil sharpener, hey at least my xacto served me one last time by unscrewing the scree on that pencil sharpener that the screwdriver […]
Looking at the scars running down each arm
Realizing no one cares so I self-harm
I know I’ll get glares if I don’t wear sleeves
Even when it’s way too hot to believe
I feel tired, I feel forgot
Undesired and always trapped in thought
Picking at a scab until it bleeds
Then licking up all of the tiny beads
Of blood forming on my arm
I don’t care, so I self-harm
I hate that I want to do this again :/
But I probably am going to get back into the swing of self harm I have been mostly free from this for almost 2 years. I mean I haven’t gone more than a year without slipping, nor even come close. This year I tried lying to myself and pretend that the last time I cut was last December and I was close to a year, but I couldn’t even make it past this December, digging into my arms a few days before this year started. Honestly though my skin was licked by a blade before that […]
In a world full of people,
Filled with hope.
In a world full of needles,
Filled with dope.
Hope dies when a mother
Sees her son as a different color
Lifeless in his bed, undercover
Like his habit, now discovered
And she has another
A tiny boy, a little brother
By her feet, his eyes are covered
He shakes, and convulses
Mom cries, there are no pulses
He was dead at least all day.
That’s what the medics say.
He wanted to stay
While they went on vacation.
They missed him for the whole duration.
Excited on the drive back home
Didn’t know they’d be left alone.
In a world full of people,
Filled with dope.
In a world full of needles,
Filled with hope.
Noone cares, I’m unwanted
By their smiles and stares I am taunted
Are they fake or are they real?
I’m left crying into my meal
Hurting, dying from inside
Flirting with the divide
Between life and the void
Maybe if I was employed
I would be happier
But life keeps on growing crappier
With every breath
With every blink
I feel like I’m living death
I’m on the brink
Help me please
I need it
I look in the mirror and see my worthlessness
I feel the blood pouring out from my wrist
My body empty, face still expressionless
Self hatered boils, why do I still exist?
In a cycle of nonproduction
Failing Classes, making lacerations
endless cycles of self-destruction
Always falling short of expectations
All I could will myself to write today, today was fairly bad…. Normally writing shitty things makes me feel better but today it did not, I’m probably just going to cut myself instead it’s far easier.
Be alone for eternity?
If love is real I don’t see
I don’t feel, and it’s hurting me
Trapped alone, in my own
Prison hiding in my home
Burning deep within my hell
Yearning for a wishing well
To cast a coin
Make a wish
Listen for the swish
Water echoes hopes and dreams
Of those with ropes and streams
Of tears, falling down their face
For years feeling out of place
Tying knots, getting chairs
Feel forgot like no one cares
Step off, fall, fade away
Then people act fake and say
They’re all shocked, and surprised
But when it’s all summarized
It’s them who caused it all
They made you want to fall
Never have they shown you love
Until it’s time to start to shove
Your […]
I can’t write with any feeling
My work’s always unappealing
Even when my skin is peeling
Off and my mind is reeling
I don’t know what I am feeling
I don’t know if I am feeling
I was told a bit ago that everything I create seems empty and void of feeling, so I was going to write a thing about that…. About how I can’t really put feeling into things if I barely have those things to begin with, and of course me not being able to stay on task or topic with anything just sort of led to this pile of shit…. Obviously now I should add two lines […]
Welp, my counselor may be right…. Maybe I am bipolar, I was feeling amazingly great two months ago, and now I’m back to feeling like shit. Complete shit, utter shit I should die.
I havent been able to sleep decently for the past three weeks, I always fail classes, I dont want to spend upwards of three days per week with pathfinder with people, I feel like I need more time to just calm down and relax and not talk to people, I like pathfinder and really am fond of the people I play with, but I want to cut one day off of […]
Rise from the grave
Bring them pain
Make them all into stains
Show them all of your distain
Tell them all how you’re thirsting
To see all their bodies bursting
Hear all their dying screams
Eat all those crying teens
Taste their tears
Haunt their fears
Linger in their best dreams
Turn them into stressed machines
Rend their flesh
End their breath
Hit refresh
End their death
Watch them all reanimate
All to help exterminate
Their old friends and family
Be the end, the calamity
Meh, decided I can toss this here…. I wrote this while in the mindset of a necromancer for some reason…. -_-
Maybe one day I should put more than 20 minutes of effort into something, then maybe I could write something […]
Do you want to know what the best joke is?
I wish that pain would vanish, fall out of focus
People are crying masses full of sadness
Chocking, dying on the gasses of their own madness
Isn’t it fabulous?
Makes you want to quit and slit your wrist
Doesn’t it?
I guess I should share that short, shitty thing I wrote…. I gave up on keeping track of things I wrote, and kind of gave up on writing all together. I’m still alive, and mostly just checking here quickly…. Things are going well enough I guess, kind of speaking to people a lot and stuff. I am worried about when I stop […]
Welp a bit behind, this one I tried something very different…. not sure I even like it, or if I can even call this one a poem…. Since it wasn’t written down until after it was mostly together in this state…. -_- I can probably hit 100 in this year at least, even with last month sucking…. Technically still possible, maybe I should just count more things…. I hope somebody at least finds this enjoyable…. -_- It felt strange to do :/ But maybe different is good, maybe I can learn more from this than if I was sticking with-in my established style.
Smashing in your […]
Yesterday was pre bad, I missed part of my final, got a chance to get it doe by midnight yesterday but that didn’t happen…. Yesterday was pre bad, I don’t recall if I talked about it, but basically it involved locking myself out of my car at the gas station and having to wait there for my father to come and let me back into it…. that’s the second time in 2 weeks…. then my friend spent time with me which was nice (got home after midnight, so missed the chance to do the test) but I’m doing much better today ^_^
I’m quite happy that […]
Well I’m counting this…. This was written pre quickly and I had a shitty day today, but my friend came over which was good I kind of asked if he would as I was pre sure I was going to cut myself…. -_- I don’t really like this, but it may be okay I guess if I’m going for 100 per year I have to count everything right? at least it will help…. Guess it’s practice….
I watch life through these misty eyes
I blinked once but I missed it twice
I’m crying I need advice
That is what I realize
Nightly I initialize
Self-inflicted lacerations
Always losing hesitation
More and more until […]
Kind of loosely related to my 8th one I was reading things I wrote because I wanted to write something but had no idea how to start, and sometimes looking at old things helps me do that…. So yeah I just kind of built off of the general feel of it because I liked it…. It’s a bit different than normal…. I’ve been sick for over a month now and this has pushed me way behind, I need 9 more this month so like one per day now…. no sleep either so yay will be tired for school and pathfinder today ^_^ -_- 🙁 :/
So […]
I’m behind, and I’m feeling too many things to write right now…. I can only really write when I’m not feeling that many things…. Feelings are overwhelming…. I have also been sick for the past 2ish weeks or so and I want to die…. I’ve lost about 10lbs it seems…. That makes me sad now…. I am now 130lbs (at about 5′ 10″) at least that’s what I was when I weighed last time…. Either way I can see all of my ribs now threw my skin that’s not good…. Onto this piece of shit that is written while I’m not exactly entirely all together […]
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