I am hurting repeatedly. Guilted for feeling suicidal and a burden. I’ve lost everyone I cared for, but I guess it’s a good thing as I now realize I never meant a thing. No hope. The past traumas I’ve endured, can’t stop reliving…guilt guilt guilt. Humiliation. Let me die. We are all ticking time bombs, everyone leaves this earth. Why can’t I have the right to end my suffering at my own time?
Category:
Chronic Pain
It hurts. Iv delt with it for a long time. Not always for the best. I OD on a couple hundred asprin a few years back. I woke up feeling like i would have a heart attack. If i moved a single muscle, arm, leg, neck, i would throw up. My body did not want to die. After hours of convulsing in my bed i became terrified. I did not want to die. But i did. I was torn between my bodies terror and my minds willingness to go. I met a girl. I told her everything. She was my other half. My only friend, […]
I feel like everyone is against me. Always yelling at me, always complaining about me, always telling me what to do and always blaming me. It’s not me and my mood swings but I’ve had enough of everyone. I’m just staying here but I’m always get the blame on. Someone just take me away. I wish I was never born into this family. I fucking hate this house. It’s everyday. When I feel that my life is improving, it becomes worse than before.
It’s been awhile since I wrote here. I’m so terribly ashamed that I don’t know who to go to. After almost 4 months of been clean, I just had to go do it. I realise that these things don’t disappear. It waits for a single moment of weakness and starts to fester again until it’s strong enough to tear you down.
the suicidal thoughts are back, although the it’s not as prominent as before. I don’t even know when they snuck up. I was so content, perhaps I was too complacent. And now all I can think of is to escape.
I wonder why people choose to […]
Ever since I was a little girl, living was an issue. I’ve wanted to die since I was 8 yrs old. My mother was/is evil and doesn’t have feelings like most people do. Common traits of a Sociopath; she would have a lot of sex with a lot of people just so she could feel something… Or at least I tell myself that’s the reason why. She married my dad while she was still married and had 2 sons with someone else. My dad didn’t know, but her first husband soon found out and divorced her. My dad in turn raised my two older brothers […]
I don’t want to live. There is absolutely no point in it. No matter what I do, my parents will never be proud of me. I know that this is a shitty reason. It sounds shitty. It sounds like I’m over-exaggerating. It sounds like I don’t understand.
But the thing is, I do understand. My parents want the best for me, which is more than I should be able to ask for. But, I am a selfish and discontent human being. I want something to go my way. I’m not right. There’s something wrong with me. That’s probably just me trying to get attention. Ahahahahhaha […]
I held on…through everything over the last year……I held on…being turned inside out…. I held on… giving it one last try as I hung on to nothing….I held on…while grasping for anything as I fell through nothing but open space…. I held on…as time keeps marching on, as it forgets me in it’s wake….
I held on…..because I know what it is like to be alone….I held on…. because I know what it’s like to have people turn their back on you… I held on…. as I cried alone…. I held on as my heart finished breaking as I held my infant son one last time….I […]
I hate it. I fucking hate it how everybody act like everything is just peachy!!! Everything is like fucking nightmare. They don’t notice it. They don’t notice how I am not eating my food. How I am dying. They don’t notice that the smile that I show is fake. Even my parents don’t notice that I am just acting like everything is perfect. I mean they are my parents right? They should know when I am lying they should know when I am putting act.
But they don’t. They don’t notice that I am acting. Every night when I go to my bed I don’t sleep. […]
I’ve been depressed almost all my life, and suicidal on and off ever since I was a child. These past few months have been nothing but hell, I’ve tried everything to fix things and be happy, but this time, I just can’t force myself to be. On Friday I plan on using charcoal to kill myself. I hope it works, the last thing I want is to wake up again. I’ve tried multiple other methods within these months, but every time I either can’t do it or I just wake up hours later. This time, I’m determined to finally make the pain stop. Nothing is […]
I met someone on the Internet. I got depression, and she was so kind and perfect to me. She understood me like no one else. She loved me like no one else has ever done.
We loved the same hobbies. We loved the talking. We loved each other so much.
But she had BP (Borderline Personality). And we talked for months and she wouldn’t get too close.
She had this constant feeling that I would abandon her. She said she trusted me, but only had to go slow… because those are the feelings she said she always had about everyone. That people will end up disapointing […]
There is nothing more for me, need the end to set me free. Trapped in myself, body my holding cell.
by fadetoblack
written by fadetoblack
I met you in my junior year of high school. its been almost 7 years since then, and exactly one month now since I last saw you. From the moment we met I knew there was something special in you, it didn’t take me more than a week to confess my love to you. From the very start I knew you were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, you were just different than everyone else. Even after you moved away for school, I was always there when you needed me. I was in a dark place when you moved […]
I have been feeling down lately. Probably because I have been feeling like I’ve lived a meaningless life. I feel that I am not doing enough to help my fellow human being. I have chosen my work in order to help people but I feel that I am not doing enough to help my fellow human being. I would like to go on the frontline, in the trenches. I feel like my work would be more meaningful there. Maybe I’m just ranting, and I’m sorry if this bothers anyone, but I feel that this is the only place where I can say it and be […]
I have this feeling that everything that I’m seeing is not real. It’s like everything is just an imagination, like it’s only in my head. It’s like I can’t see what’s true or what’s not anymore. I’m losing contact with reality. can someone answer this. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. It’s making me go crazy. It’s killing me inside
I’m starting to remember something from my past. It’s weird i can be having a regular conversation with someone and they say a word and i get a flash back of something. I’ve never told anyone the full story of what happened. That might be because i don’t even know the full story myself. I guess I’ve never told anyone about it is because i don’t know what their response will be. Will they have nothing to say at all or say something like “wow”, “i can’t believe that “, “im sorry”, or “are you okay?” I don’t know how to respond to any of […]
Have you ever been so in love it changes your entire perception on romance, life and the point of existing? I mean why bother with something that you have no control over especially when it involved two people. It isn’t like you can force the other person to reciprocate the exact same feelings that you have. Love is a funny thing, it can either make you happiest person alive or it can make you want to tear your soul into a million pieces. I guess it depends on what type of relationship you are in, although even the best of relationships can turn sour at […]
I find myself running in circles more often than not. I find myself giving myself away, again and again and again….always to the wrong people. I find I care too much because I am always trying to live for someone else. I find myself alone, even when, I am in a room full of people.
There is no action that I can make that will equal an opposite reaction; for all my actions only end up one way….heartbreak.
I’ve given all I can, I have tried all I dare to try any longer. I am not wanted, I am not loved, I am a human that […]
Dearest Friends and Family,
First let me tell you that I love you, and it is this love that has kept me here for the time that I have been alive. It is not because I have lost my way, or that I no longer respect and appreciate all the things you have ever done for me. I end my life today because I have reached the end of the road. Why continue when there are no maps, no signs and no one to walk with me along the way? I don’t expect you to understand this, nor do I want you to try and answer […]
Im lonely guy without friends, few month ago i met with girl, she supported me a lot, and helped to forget my ex gf, i thought my things going better, but whole life just ruined again, i start to feel in love with her… and since month passed, i seen how much she changed… but i did nothing bad to her, i was kind and happy to see her always, i also supported her a lot when she felt bad, and never left her as she usually did with me, because i whine and cry a lot about my shit life.. i just […]
Trapped inside this ominous receptacle,
Eighteen years, eight months, six days, ten hours, fifty minutes and forty seven seconds beyond my best before date,
I stand hollow and cavernous-as the wind cascades itself amidsts my masts, creating sweet tunes and great form;
My eyes have been spectators to such mesmerising beauty, humbling devastation and horror;
My ears have beared witness to great orchestrated melodies, profound speeches and bone wrenching pleas for intervention;
My skin has felt the sweet caress of a caring hand, the firm- corrective thump of life, the allure of a sexual pulse and the sterility and inamimacy of iron.
My heart has endured the thrills of young love, […]
I am in so much fucking pain right now. And I have to work today. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fucking walk. My back pain is excruciating and I feel short of breath. My ribs keep popping and sliding. I can hardly move at times. I should have gone to the doctor years ago. It’s never gotten this bad, though. Pretty sure it’s scoliosis. Fuck me. Wai.
Took some hydroxozine so hopefully I’ll be able to sleep. It’s just so difficult without Anthony around. He’s asleep right now and he didn’t answer my calls. I needed someone to take my mind of […]