My soul is just screaming …
I want to get out of here, disapear, how good it can be? I wish it soo much…
The unexistence…
Omgosh… Give me courage… I need to die… Theres nothing to me in this life… Nothing at all… Oh please have mercy of my soul…
If i just have the courage to do it… I wouldnt mind kill myself with a knife on the neck. I just need stop breathing
Why i have born? To suffer? To feel that pain all days?
???????????
Category:
Chronic Pain
today was my first day of school. i saw the people i loved, except they all hate me. the one person i hang with won’t think twice to make me look stupid if i say anything bad. all i can do is smile. because if i don’t they will judge me, they will know I’m not okay then they will win. but holding a smile when your about to tear your face off is hard. today one of my old friends, i went to sit with them and she said “she couldn’t do it anymore”. she was sitting by herself away from people, the only […]
school starts tomorrow. i want to bring my blade with me. if i do it, it will hurt the person i love. but i love doing it! the only thing i regret is hurting her. i wish i could take all the hurt away and have it all on me. first day back tomorrow maybe a bloody smiley on my skin is just what i need.
i stole a pencil sharpener from my girlfriend today. i lied to her. told her I’m okay. now i have a blade. school starts Monday. all i want is to rip into my skin.
What if I’m done trying? What if I want to stop hurting, and want to stop hurting the people I care about? What if push away my loved ones so they can have an easier time when I’m gone? What if I don’t give a fuck how many people show up to my funeral, because my permanent pain is more important than their temporary pain? What if I can’t feel connection to anyone, because I can’t feel connection to myself? What if I’d rather my daughter grow up without me, knowing her mom killed herself, because I hate that I’ve taught her self hate and […]
For some people, their family is the reason why they don’t commit suicide. For others, it’s the reason why they want to so desperately.
Personally I hate the idea of belonging to a family. I’ve hated it for a long time. Everything was fine when I was a kid but now my mom resents me for not wanting to live with her anymore. She thinks she understands me but she really doesn’t. She doesn’t want to take responsibility for her actions and claims that bringing me into this world was out of her control. She’s a nice person but frankly she deserves what she says she […]
i saw you today…
i swear it.
on my grave it was you.
your hair, your height, your smile…
that smile.
i saw you today.
you were there..
you were right there in front of me.
if i reached out my hand i could have touched you.
i could have grabbed your hand.
i saw you today…
but it wasn’t really you..
was it…
of course it wasn’t… it couln’t have been.
you’re dead.
I guess we’ll start off with a bit of an introduction, I rather not give my full first name because of its uniqueness especially being in Texas I would be easy to figure out so I will go by Jules.
I could start off with telling you how life was an absolute nightmare and go on and on about my misfortunes but it’s irrelevant at this stage and I’m not here to compete who’s had it worse or beg for sympathy. Now to what I want to share and get from this blog, I will ask y’all to please out of respect and I’m sure mutual […]
Hi there everyone.
I am a 29 year old guy from India and thanks to the availability of N these days, I am going to die peacefully within a week from now. This will be my first and the last attempt. I’m about to order it in a day or two.
I guess a big part of the reason people can’t kill themselves is that they can’t find a suitably quick and painless method to do so. Well, I can’t give anyone a vendor name here either because of the obvious reason that law-enforcement agencies will be knocking on his door soon if I do […]
So all my life I’ve been abused and isolated. I’ve always been mocked, belittled, verbally and even physically abused my whole life. Every time I leave the house someone has to say something to me, threaten me etc etc. I get it everywhere I go. I come to expect it because I can’t even walk to the nearest shop without being harassed. It’s always been this way. On top of that I’m a loner, never dated, never had a job, mostly housebound because of this constant never ending abuse from people I’ve never met in my life. Apparently I’ m just supposed to keep on […]
Can you believe it?
One year without you.
One year since you left us.
since you left me.
One year since your eyes were on the world.
One year since anyone has heard your laugh.
One year since the sun hasn’t shined as bright.
One year since you have been kissed by those you love.
One year that your baby brother has woken up screaming your name every night.
Once year since he found you laying in your bed.
One year since your mother had to bury you.
flag and all.
One year of pain in my heart.
god damn how it hurts.
One year since I have felt your touch.
oh, how i miss your touch.
One year.
I told my friend that I am afraid I might have anxiety or depression and he did what I feared. He mocked me. He made a joke of it and I trusted him. I’ve known him for almost 9 years now. It hurts like hell, he’s one of the three people who I told and he made me lost trust in everyone now.
I don’t know what’s wrong. I feel this nagging thing in my chest. I’m shaking & crying. I feel goosebumps but it’s so warm. I can’t handle it. I just want to cry and cry and cry. I want to scream. I’m not sad or mad but my heart is causing me to want to scream. It’s so much to handle. I’m sure there was nothing to trigger it.
To start with, it has been a pleasure and joy posting and sharing with everyone on this board. If only I’d found this home years ago I might not be in the predicament I now face.
I had a difficult childhood that sounds all to familiar to so many stories here. I was hyper sensitive, shy, physically and emotionally abused, sevely lacking in self esteem, impulsive, addiction, compulsive, bullied and the list goes on.
When I reached my teenage years I got into drugs because I was in so much pain and was unable to talk to anyone about my problems and feelings. I was fearful of […]
when i was in the 4th grade my parents decide to get a divorce. everyone who has been through one probably has a similar picture with the same line “we both love you very much”. but after that my dad was gone a lot. so here i am growing up with only my mother who is depressed herself and stressed to take care of 3 kids. we would fight a lot! but one day we got into a huge argument and she locked me in my room. i remember scream crying all day hungry thirsty for water, maybe at one point i got my phone […]
They control every aspect of my life. One more year. Then I’m gone. I don’t know if I can make it that long.
Just wanna die peacefully.
Today is somehow a good day to die and it’s kinda wrost day also.
So I Shouldn’t die.
And I won’t.
But I am unable comprehend one thing.
I know this for sure… like god damn 100 % sure that nothing is gonna change in my life.
I think I lost the love of my life.
People are harassing me at work and I can’t do anything about it which is the most current reason that makes me to kill myself.
Well it’s not only the reason…..
It’s just a trigger….. or what should I say….
Well…. I am verge on killing myself.. but […]
The bitter loneliness and anger of ugliness. I makes me insane. I hate hearing about people’s relationships good or bad. Especially bad. I hate being permanently friendless and alone. I hate working yet another job that makes me miserable. I hate that i was born. I hate i can’t just die now and end it all. I hate that i hate so much and am so hopeless. I hate all the reminders of the fact that i live in a world of misery by myself and always have and always will. I hope i will be able to get a gun soon. I hope that […]
This is my story ,this is how my life chance and I can’t take it anymore. I was a perfect person , had a nice job ,and felt great always had my anxiety, but took my medications. Years past and I develop hernieted discs , pinched nerves on panic attacks, over my 20 years in the same job. I had treatment sygery until it was almost impossible to continue doing my job. I asked to be relocated to a light duty job. But it was denied. My mother was diagagnosed with terminal cancer. I was like crazy. I ask for some time off after 20 […]
You know that feeling, when something is so close you think you can reach… And then you realize it slipped. And you were so sure it is done, before you “had it in your hands”… Miscalculation. A complete failure. I am not “me”, i don’t recognize myself. This is not happening. This is not supposed to happen. I’ve ruined everything. I’ve should known better.
I have problems accepting reality. I don’t know how i live. Like i’m in something parallel to reality. I am aware of reality but not the consequences. It feels like there are several “me” in my head and they are fighting […]