Chronic Pain

6

Mystery Illness

July 3rd, 2015by ciz

I was happy before the pain began. I was a better person.

Going on three years now of a mystery illness that’s drained me of who I am. Been to several doctors this past year, took a whole year off from college and still no answers. I have just continued to feel worse and worse. I have lost all functionality as a human being. My family now expects me to get a job because at 22 I can’t be taken care of forever but I can’t work.

I don’t want to kill myself because of a lack of caring on anyone’s part. My family has helped me …

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4

I’m too deep, and I’m only falling deeper

July 2nd, 2015by melancholy_punk

Okay. I’ve never done this before. I’m not open about these sorts of things, mainly because the people that are meant to love me and support me are the ones that are causing me the most distress. Only two people in my life have actually loved me – one changed to hating me when I let them crack away at the surface, and the other doesn’t know half of what the first did. I know that I am unloved, and no matter what I always will be. It’s just who I was born as.

There’s a friend I’ve been talking to about some of this because …

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1

Setting dates

July 2nd, 2015by disgusting

Since my last (serious) post, I made this pic and put it as the wallpaper on my phone. It’s a question to myself only. The point was to see if it felt right or wrong or somewhere outside of that. Having sat with it for a couple of days, I’ve accepted it and thought it felt good. I always wanted to go out close to or on my birthday, but last winter was too fucking cold and I said I want to be comfortable when I do it. With that said, I feel like I’ve lost a best friend. It felt like we were really …

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2

always alone

July 2nd, 2015by gingercat

I have been depressed or feeling unloved since I was 5. I am 57. I am alone. Never been first in anyone’s life. Let me be honest, I am not anything in anyone’s life. I am seriously damaged. I have never belonged. Never been loved. No one even wants my love with no strings. I can’t even make one friend on the internet. I am a loser. I have screwed up everything I touch. I hurt constantly. Told to be myself and when I am. They leave in a day or two. My sister hasn’t talked to me in 23 years. Other kin don’t care …

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9

I wish I were dead.

June 30th, 2015by disgusting

I’m at wits end. I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve a job I can live off of. I don’t deserve a place to live. I don’t deserve love. I don’t deserve anything apparently. I try so hard, but I’m worthless, useless, ugly, no one would ever want me. I know I shouldn’t do this but I want to prove that I’m right, and show you just what an ugly, hideous, wretched monster I am. I’m not mad at the person I love. I’m mad at the universe or any higher power that made me this way. Why make me dream …

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2

Am I Crazy?

June 28th, 2015by zombiedoctor

So let me just throw this out there.
I’m not suicidal but I have a chronic and, apparently, incurable illness that over the last 8 years has lowered my quality of life to almost comically unbearable levels. There are certainly days when I think, “so how long do you think you can endure this before jumping out of a fucking window?”
Let’s get real here – if you were an American being held prisoner by ISIS (or, for that matter, a suspected Muslim terrorist being held at a black site by the CIA) and tortured sadistically and de-humanized every day and was reasonably sure that this would …

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1

Lost it.

June 28th, 2015by cre5

Im a 20 year old male and this is my story, i dont really feel like commiting suicide but i just want to share this story. I have never cutted or harmed myself in any way possible.

Ive been a normal kid before someone told me i got a tad fatter in a matter of weeks (im still 2mteters talls and i weigh 75kg..). Since that day my life went downhill really fast, i started to look away from people and the real life because i fellt like i wasnt good enough in others peoples eyes. Since that day i just felt like anything i did …

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9

My Silent Battle

June 27th, 2015by Lisa Marie

I’m sorry this is so long. It’s my first post. But, it’s a juicy story filled with a lot of pain. I promise.

I’m not sure where to even begin. 10/11 years ago, or the recent events? What I do know is…it doesn’t matter if I kill myself of not. The beautiful star filled sky will still appear each night. The warm glowing sun will continue to rise every morning. The seasons will still slowly change and flow into each other in a never ending rhythm. Beyond me, everyone else’s life will still continue on. So, why not? My father always says, “Suicide is the most …

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2

Who Will Fuck me over Next?

June 26th, 2015by JustReallySad

Do you ever get the feeling that everyone is fucking with you?

You don’t know who to trust, or who to believe.

It’s even harder when you’re paranoid to begin with.

What are you supposed to do when everyone you’ve ever

known has ended up screwing you over?

I can only think of one person in my life who has never let me down.

That person would be my father.

But then again, when push comes to shove,

he always rises to the defense of my psychotic mother over me.

He says that it’s the way it has to be.

If mental illness really is a genetic thing,

then I got it from my mother

and I …

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1

It’s not enough.

June 26th, 2015by lulereign

I never believed when people said cutting was an addiction. But now it’s just not enough. I used to do baby cuts – just little ones – but a few of them at a time. They were small enough to go unnoticed even though I still wear short sleeved clothes. I didn’t want anything to be too obvious to people, but recently I’m noticing the are getting more inflamed and irritated – it kinda stands out too much.

Also I’ll admit I was scared of the pain. Initially that tiny pinprick was enough, but now it doesn’t hurt ENOUGH anymore. I want to cut deeper, but …

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1

Gave myself a chance, nothing changed.

June 26th, 2015by Manhattan

I came across this site and when I tried to register it said I was already registered. I didn’t realize I had posted here almost 3 years ago. I decided to try and live. But today, I still feel precisely the same as I did then. There have been massive, positive changes in my life and my lifestyle, but none of it has even made a chip in the depression I’ve felt since I was a child.

Now I’m 3 years closer to that expiration date I’d given myself: if things don’t improve by the time I’m 30, I’ll know that I’ve run my course. I …

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4

June 25th, 2015by Hi

Its funny, because as soon as I cut, the tears stop. I have no need to cry anymore. Until tommorow.

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2

determined

June 25th, 2015by 134kuub

I just want to die

I have felt this way nearly 5 years now, i am so unhappy with every aspect of my life. I don’t know what to do with my future, i don’t feel excitement or motivation to do anything. I got diagnosed with an illness but it’s not even a condition that could kill me, it just makes me constantly tired and sore. I gave gotten to the point that i don’t care about being selfish and if it hurts people, I’m in so much pain all the time and i feel like it’s my only solution. Sometimes i want to reach out …

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2

Life

June 25th, 2015by wolflit

I’ve been wanting to kill myself for the past few days. I’m not healthy. I should talk to my psychiatrist and get my meds changed, but I don’t have the money to get new ones. I shouldn’t live. My moods flip-flopped for a day and then settled on depression. I can’t get out. Nothing is worth it. Not even my son, and he usually is. I can’t even cry anymore. How pathetic is that?

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3

I want it to end

June 25th, 2015by 2sick2care

I’m tired I’ve been tired, I’m a walking fuckin skeleton with nothing left to give you can look at me and see I’m no longer here anymore. 24 years old or 4 this is all I’ve known, a never ending black hole I’ve gotten fuckin stupider and have ultimately fucked myself up even more. I’m sicker than sick, I’m fuckin sick and feel like nothing in this world can “fix” me. I honestly believe this is it  no heaven or hell we had a choice to make this world our heaven or hell,  the more I look around and the longer I choose to stay …

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5

I shouldn’t have done it.

June 24th, 2015by lulereign

I regret it completely.

I tried talking to my school counsellor, and another lecturer whom I hoped  could trust with this problem. I just felt so hopeless that I thought that perhaps telling someone would lessen it (I don’t know, it was a moment of weakness).

Not only did that lecturer betray confidentiality – she told the counsellor that I wanted to commit suicide (which it do not) – and according to protocol she may have to report me. I couldn’t believe it. You can’t trust anyone, no matter what they swear or promise.

It was awful. The counsellor indirectly blamed me for her not being able to …

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2

Humpty Dumpty

June 24th, 2015by LooneyLou

I moved out of my mum’s house to get away and have a chance at living. There I was falling behind in school, and I had to raise both of my siblings and take care of them even though one was three years older than me. I did all the house work, cooking, and cleaning. I played Mum because no one else cared. Finally, ten months ago, I moved out and in with my aunt and cousins. I don’t know which place is worse. Everyone here hates me. I’m the ***** that moved in and ruined everybody’s life even though I’ve been generous and I …

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1

Don’t know really

June 23rd, 2015by dontknowreally

I’ve had depression, anxiety and anger problems for years now. I have my good patches, I have my bad. Currently it’s my longest run of bad patch,  over 2 months of consecutive bad days no good ones filtered in there, it’s taking its toll really.

I have a lot of responsibility, I run a business, I just received a loan from my parents to buy a car. Every time I try and see a psychologist something comes up, a business meeting, all of my bills come out on the same day so I have no money. The problem is the bad days just keep on coming, …

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2

Does it get better?

June 23rd, 2015by lulereign

I’m a med student.

I’ve recently started cutting – just yesterday in fact – and it hurts. I’d gone and bought carpet blades and tested it, but the feeling when the blade cuts across kinda makes me cringe. But the aftermath – the little pinprick of pain that follows, is amazing. It’s constantly there, and I can FEEL it.

Does it get better? I want to feel that pain, but the starting part just kinda puts me off. It’s he constant pain that makes it so worth it. I’d woken up this morning and added three more cuts, but like I said, the starting part isn’t that pleasant.

I’d …

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3

Pathetic

June 23rd, 2015by identitycrisis10

When my mother died I was eight years old. When this happened my father turned to drugs and proceeded to neglect and somewhat abuse me and my brother (non-sexually). Every since then I have looked for some affection from any man, just to have them be kind to me or even love me. I was later molested by two men I was manipulated and broken.
Everyone says I’m beautiful, but I’m always ridiculed by guys for many reasons. And whenever I proceed to tell a guy I like him, he acts like i’m the most disgusting thing in the world.
But then I finally found a man …

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