I’m back to square one.
Started to feel same shit again.
Mind hurts. It plays. Fuck. Shit.
i’m pretty tired. life’s been quite rough lately. honestly i just want to actually feel like i’m talking to someone, since people are busy with their own lives.
when i was younger, sleeping and eating came so easily to me, i could sleep and eat whenever i felt like it with no issue. that’s honestly the only fact that made me realize i’m kinda going downhill lately lol. ate a little bit of cereal for breakfast since i wasn’t hungry but knew i had to eat /something/. then, a bit ago i though i should eat a snack but felt like throwing up as soon […]
why come in my room to talk to me?
only to put me down
to make me feel like im not good enough
i do everything right
you don’t have to make me feel shitty because you hate the way you grew up
you tell me im lucky for how nice you are to me
you also tell me that im a failure because i stay up late doing the homework i can barely do
im not doing this for you
so why critique me on the essence of my work when its not for you
it does not concern you
the reason im so […]
when i used to self harm i used to hit my head a lot, i didnt think of it that much back then but now i see the result. probably any type of self harm is better than hitting ur head, i suffer from memory loss, but no one would probably believe me, i dont even remember basic stuff such as what happened the day before, what somebody told me or things that i did, i may sound dramatic but its worse than it sounds. i dont remember how i started it but i did it everytime my mom was bitching about smth that ive […]
theres nothing to do anymore, nothing is fun, im stressing over the exams that we will have and lots of shit that we will have to do and who knows maybe i wont get accepted to that highschool that i wanted to go to and ill have to ruin my high school experience and most likely life because of it. u dont know how much i suffer from anxiety everyday, no one understands me, it hurts, i cover my ears and try not to cry and freak out from loud people, im slowly losing myself. i keep snapping and having break downs, i was happy […]
That’s just what echoes in my head. People/parents/friends/former didn’t left and that was the saddest part . Remember the day when I used to have panic attack and my parents dragged me to get on my ass. My mom exactly knew when I would shout back and thanks her for conferencing with all my family members(uncle/aunt/grandmother) and just waiting for the moment to trigger me to shout back and say them to leave me alone. Nice team you got with all your saddist/narcissistic friends. Been a looser/pathetic. My soulmate left. Just murmers inside my head. I am left with no purpose atleast I want to […]
I feel like I’ve destroyed my life by living unhealthy, being an on and off again alcoholic, doing everything in excess, these things have led to a lot of suffering. I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live in extreme pain either. I’ve been able to cure myself before so I’m hope I can again.
My death wish is the only constant thing through my life, bad days, good days, best days, my secret wish is always right here through all of them.
I have conquered most of the challenges that came my way through my 35 years yet my main goal still eludes me due to the knowledge of its consequences to others.
I don’t want to hurt those who care for me but on the other hand I live an unwanted (and empty) life because of them.
Should I estrange myself first? Is it better to be hated, missing, gone or plain dead? And why do I care for the difference, […]
Heute ist der Tag der Tage, dachte ich; vor ein paar Tagen, an meinem Geburtstag; da wollte ich es beenden. Das Leid, das sich durch mein Leben zieht. Hat leider nicht geklappt. Nochmal auf diese Weise werde ich es nicht probieren. Heute wird es drastischer.
Ich denke das ich schon mein ganzes Leben suizidal bin, nur hätte ich es bis vor 9 Jahren nie zugegeben; aus Angst meinen Schöpfer, den ich sehr liebe zu verletzen. Liebe die ich erst für mich finden müsste. Dich dieser Glauben ist passe und ich glaube an keinen anderen Gott als den in mir.
Wie ich in diese Welt […]
hating yourself comes in various shapes and sizes. for some people it’s just hating their acne. i envy those people. i wish i could only hate on my looks. not gonna lie, i’m a decent looking 17 year old girl. i get attention where it’s really not wanted but hey? men trying to grope you and ‘friends’ trying to take advantage of you while drunk is better than nothing right? but with me, i hate my mind. i’m sure a lot of you can relate to that. my mind is a mansion filled with hatred, hostility, venom and apathy. that’s probably where i differ from […]
i’ve spent years building up walls so i wouldn’t be so fucking weak as i used to be. years convincing myself i don’t care about anything. and i really fucking didn’t. anyone could say anything to me and i wouldn’t bat an eyelash. until today. today my ex-bestfriend put me on the verge of a breakdown in front of loads of people. i’ve dealt with so much worse but idk why this time it make my walls come crashing down. fuck you. fuck you for making me realise just how weak i am. fuck you fuck you fuck you. now i remember exactly why i […]
i’m just so unbelievably tired in every sense of the word and i stupidly took a psychology course in college, last year it wasn’t so bad but this year i have to sit in a room with other people learning about issues in mental health. i had my first lesson today and oh my fucking god i felt like i couldn’t breathe the whole time i was on the verge of a break down, i can already tell this is going to be the most triggering year of my life. they all think i’m fucked in the head anyway, i mean you could take one […]
i think sadness is so complex.
when i say i’m sad, what i really mean is
black abyss inside me filled with cigarette ashes, smashed bottles, bloody skin, empty screams and words i can’t say.
does anyone know of any other websites like this one? if you do i’d appreciate it if you could tell me
i’m a confused and lost soul living in a self-destructive and cold body.
since that one event in my life i’ve forced myself to be a cold-hearted and mean-spirited person because i though it was better that way.
destroy relationships before they destroy you
leave before you get left
i’ve burned enough bridges it’s insane i haven’t drowned yet.
everyone uses the phrase ‘fake it till you make it’ for thinks like confidence and happiness,
but that little girl in me used it to become an emotionless void
and now i don’t know how to turn back.
i don’t even know if i can.
Ah yes, depression. The thing that’s been haunting me all my life, and just gets worse and worse. There were some points where I would get better for a while. But then I would spiral back into that dreadful state. Crashing harder and further each time. Sometimes I wonder, “when am I finally gonna give up?”
Here’s the thing I’ve never told anyone: I want to die. SO badly…..and it pathetic. It feels like a living hell each second I’m alive. And worst part is, nobody really gives a s***t.
My parents, brothers, and even my extended family quickly dismiss my suicidal ideation. I tell them. […]
today’s been rough. not sure why, honestly, it’s just been a hard day
i’m pretty frustrated with myself; kinda want attention but also i don’t want to inconvenience people by asking for it. eh, i don’t know
rough couple of days
If you need a friend and have nobody, follow me on IG and we can be each others friend. I’m lonely and been in a dark place. I’m losing so many friends.
*I accept all follow requests, just DM me after so I know this website is the reason for the add*
riley_with_a_d
Somewhere out in the universe I’m a TV show. Nobody wishes to be me, and everyone enjoys laughing instead.
My life is all a joke. Tell me it’s not cosmic, divine intervention that made me a kid who hates affection, just to make me a stupid, unhuggable fuck of an adult that’s born on fucking Valentine’s Day.
Tell me it wasn’t all part of the plan to make my dad charming and wildly successful, all while my stupid ugly ass is drowning and trying to read up on how to swim.
Tell me that my existence, the constant struggle to find […]