Chronic Pain

3

quiet house

June 6th, 2017by vee

tonight when i arrived from work, i was welcomed by silence and lights out, which meant everyone was asleep. i was not surprised, considering i just got here and it’s 11:10 pm. even though i understand why they’re asleep, considering it’s a Tuesday night, i still know that deep down i wish they were waiting for me. but they don’t care that much, and i understand that. i’ve felt very anxious all day, and i don’t know why, considering last night i tried to get more sleep than usual. it’s weird. speaking of weird; today is the birthday of an old friend of mine. she …

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6

Misery

June 5th, 2017by Purpleunicorns

Misery loves company

I lack company. All my 16 years it seems I’ve ever only known misery. I spend my time faking my happiness and crying alone in my room. I’m tired of being lonely. I’m not even bold enough to end it. *sigh* I just wish I had someone around me who even slightly knew this pain.

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1

sleep

June 5th, 2017by vee

i don’t know why, but i’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping. on sunday i went to bed at 4 and woke up at 8. last night i didn’t sleep at all, but i took a nap at 10 because i had to work tonight. and today, here i am. it’s 2:45 and i’m about to go try and sleep. it’s really hard though. most people tell me to just go to bed earlier, but the thing is i just can’t seem to stay asleep for long. i constantly wake up, which makes me more tired. i even noticed how i feel more awake …

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5

Grrnnkkh.

June 5th, 2017by Cordless

In bed.

Dark room, 3:30 a.m.

Waiting for my headache to go away.

Ever had a handful of glass marbles, and you make a fist around them, hearing/feeling the piercing scrape of glass against glass?

That’s my head right now.

I keep hoping this means I’m being inundated with radioactive crap from outer space, and I will wake up tomorrow with superpowers.

Shhh. Let me dream.

If I end up being able to fly, it will save me a fortune in gas money.

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4

the sunrise

June 4th, 2017by vee

i’m about to post things that have been going through my head for more than 10 years, but i’ve never shared with anyone. now, why am i saying it here? because no one can know. and here, everyone knows yet they don’t know; and i just need to get this things out, because i feel like it’ll maybe help somehow. last night i couldn’t sleep, and so i was sitting on the couch, watching the sunrise, when thoughts that haunt me decided to keep me company. this time, however, i wrote everything down. keep in mind i didn’t check what i wrote and don’t plan …

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3

1:41am

June 3rd, 2017by vee

you know those days where you wake up and decide you will definitely enjoy that day? you decide you’re going to do anything you can to feel happy and do everything you always put off. you feel determined and excited. today was supposed to be one of those days. since yesterday wasn’t the day off i would’ve liked it to be, i decided to try my best and have an acceptable day today. it didn’t particularly work, and i’m not surprised.
numbness is a very strange feeling. at first, you don’t understand it; but after a while, you forget how you felt before. what it feels …

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3

I’m done

June 3rd, 2017by silent_songbird

Life has been such a huge freaking struggle and I feel like I’m done. The chronic pain I suffer from, my sick family, my failure as a person, I’m sick of it. I’m tired of living…but, I’m not positive I want to die.

I’m kind of convincing myself not to off myself by challenging the concept of suicide. You see right now, when I think about suicide I ask myself how my corpse will look, or how others will react as well as the bliss of nothingness. If I was going to really commit suicide, I’d have to stop caring about superficial aspects of my postmortem …

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2

eh

June 2nd, 2017by vee

even though i had a day off, i wasn’t able to actually rest. i fell asleep at around 5am, and woke up at 9am.

i’ve been getting random headaches constantly for years now, i’m not sure why; but i’ve had one since around 4pm and it’s currently 1:19am.

even though it wasn’t a good day, i went to the movies so that was nice.

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12

Ugh

June 2nd, 2017by Kitten

I posted here a few days ago while going through a bad pain attack, just stream of consciousness, whatever I could make my fingers cooperate enough to type. Got a few kind responses (which I’ve only just now read, want y’all to know I appreciate them) which was nice.
Funnily enough, the very next day was the best day I’ve had in years, at least physically, and a pretty great day emotionally as well. My boyfriend and I got to help my dad move some stuff – and even got paid decent enough. I was actually able to do a lot, my P.O.T.S. didn’t act up …

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3

a summary of today

May 30th, 2017by vee

today i was expecting to get home and find everyone asleep again, but it wasn’t the case. for a second, i thought they were waiting for me, but as it turns out, they just lost track of time and were planning on going to bed at about 9pm. not surprising.
today my fingers hurt a lot, and me having to constantly wash dishes and such at work doesn’t help. I’ve always been clumsy and i use band aids very often, but I’ve never had 4 at the same time on my hands; it looks kinda funny, actually. i can’t type very well though, but meh.
still tired …

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8

Just an Object with Three Holes

May 29th, 2017by BlueDiamond

My mom decided to take me to the hospital tomorrow, since I have a phone interview for Snap benefits.

I have conclude that I set women’s rights back 50 years. I know that there are awesome women are out with amazing talent. I have looked, and found them. Let’s get one thing straight never declared myself as a feminist, yes I support equal rights between men and women, but before the SJW stuff hit, I pictured a feminist always being strongly passionate women’s rights, marching in these women’s parades, or going to these protests. I wasn’t interested in those things. I just supported equal rights, and …

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31

Character!

May 29th, 2017by Cordless

.

There’s a fine line between “Adversity Builds Character” and “Please Just Shoot Me Now”.

I try to strike a balance halfway, but sometimes it’s a stretch.

Good news, sort of:  Bought two new strong aluminum canes with a pretty leafy green vine print on them. And, since the last time I posted in 2016, I got a brand new wheelchair for indoors.  Currently it’s in the kitchen, right next to the fridge, so when I want a bottle of water or tea, all I have to do is sit there and enjoy.

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7

at night

May 29th, 2017by vee

i just got home from working, and it’s 11pm. normally, my brother waits for his wife to get home and then go to bed, but i guess it’s only for her. they’re both asleep. i guess they don’t care, and i don’t blame them for that, nor am i mad at them. i just found it a bit sad.
in other news, this morning was very difficult for some reason; having said this, i was really struggling to not harm myself. i managed somehow, but at work i did get hurt many times, though not on purpose. at least i don’t think so.
life has been …

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3

it’s funny…

May 29th, 2017by 5201jm

The guy with over 1000 friends, a family, in college, the life of the party when he goes out to bars or parties, no serious medical issues other than  the occasional seizures, poor but enough money eat at least once a day, in great shape from biking and parkour, a roof over his head, a job, artistic both musically and visually….

Yet the fact I haven’t had a girlfriend in years, only shared a bed with a girl once, haven’t  kissed or even hugged a girl in weeks has brought  back the feeling  of  loneliness…. and this feeling of loneliness is the reason I have to …

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2

I Don’t Think Anyone Cares.

May 29th, 2017by BlueDiamond

Today, I plan on going back into Tucker’s. I don’t want to work anymore. Tired of tormenting myself to accepted into a world that will never accept me. I want off the human plantation, but I guess I’m now going to have to fight for that now, when I feel like they never wanted me on the plantation either. I’m going to be off this web-site for a week. Means I’m going to be eating shitty hospital food and sleeping on a bed that’ll hurt my hip, but it’s better than dealing with the outside world.

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3

Stop

May 29th, 2017by Kitten

i just want it to stop
pain always pain never stopping never letting me breathe I’m hurting and crying and hiding from everyone so they don’t know how bad is i don’t want to hurt them worry them anymore i just want it to stop i really can’t do this anymore i can’t
i don’t know why I’m writing this i can’t even think straight i don’t know why i come here nothing helps
maybe just trying to take my mind off it or show someone this is me this is real and its shit fucking bullshit
i don’t want to be here i don’t want to be anywhere …

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5

Just counting down the days

May 29th, 2017by The riddler

June 3rd, 2016 was the day I snapped. I drove my car into a light pole at about 100kph. I just couldn’t/can’t handle life anymore. First responders arrived, I admitted to the crash being due to me wanting to die, and not losing control of the car. I was taken to the hospital where I was drugged up and put through extensive testing. I guess it was considered a serious crash even though I had no physical injuries. The next day I was transferred to a mental hospital for a 3 week term where I was supposed to become a mentally healthy individual that can …

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2

blank

May 28th, 2017by vee

i can’t think properly but it’s not like i want to anyways
i’m very sleep deprived at the moment but that’s fine because i just “have to try harder and go to bed earlier than i do”
in short, i’m tired

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2

Almost Made a Scene at Work

May 27th, 2017by BlueDiamond

I keep being told that I’m doing a good job, only been critiqued on one thing, but then well I wasn’t in trouble or anything like that. He said he wants to focus on zoning things in the store, since that was my strong point, and that we have too many employees and the plants have enough water due to the rain.

I’ve worked too many jobs to know where this heading, Yeah, they’re going to soften the blow, this is why I never believe the good comments, then they’ll laid you off because you were not needed enough for the company. I have noticed that …

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0

My Story Part 2

May 25th, 2017by gioia

I’ve decided to not tell anybody else about the abuse; their reaction just made me realize how inconvenient and unpleasant this was for everybody.

I knew before that I wasn’t an easy person, but I never felt that rejected in my whole life -not even when I was bleeding and bruised from my exboyfriend.

But I made a mistake. I’ve tipsily told a guy I’ve been with for a while. We’ve never been officially dating but we spent almost every day with each other.

I didn’t want a label for what we had and neither did he.

But I’ve told

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