Chronic Pain

2

2018 is beautiful agony

  January 31st, 2018 by SuzieSalmon

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3

Hollowed out

  January 31st, 2018 by xoamaro_

I ate so little people started telling me they thought I had an eating disorder. Now, I overeat. I eat and eat until it feels like I’m actually going to explode. My body hurts even more now after eating, then when I didn’t and had those extremely painful hunger pangs.

I don’t eat because I like food or anything. Not even because I’m hungry, I’m not hungry very often. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate food. But it tastes mostly the same for me. I still have my preferences in like big differences I guess, but not really. See, it’s not about the taste, that’s just …

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8

How do you people deal with this?

  January 30th, 2018 by Black Holez

I’ve literally had everything taken away from me. I’ve had my dignity taken, my job, my life and my friends. I’ve been the target of the most vicious slanders and attacks and I can’t fight back through all this. What’s worse is that my parents don’t give a damn and even give out excuses that it’s my fault when they’ve also contributed to my present state with their lifelong years of abuse and psychological torment living among them.

I was called names, nothing I did was good, I was never good enough, turned things around to protect their ego and pride, twist things around when …

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2

Slowly breaking away…

  January 29th, 2018 by Urm8451n

I have deleted my ex friend [she was a female] from my contacts. We used to have a lot of midnight talks. She was my distraction from everything. The credit is not for her being anything special, but it is for her being a tool of distraction.

Now that she is gone/ or “it”, I’m hollowed again.
I used to have lots of sports but this month I have finals, so I have to study 24/7. With the sports gone, I’m just going straight forward deeper into the rabbit’s hole.

I wish I had a “friend” to talk to, but in the same time I know I …

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0

  January 28th, 2018 by Dehahs

no comment

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4

I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.

  January 26th, 2018 by niki

Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.

I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & …

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5

Fuck my life

  January 22nd, 2018 by SocialMasker

I can’t live anymore, not without her. My life has been absolute shit from the beginning, my real mom did drugs and hated me, i was abused a small bit, then when i got my current parents i was harshly punished for the smallest offenses. My friends all left me around 8th grade and i thought things were looking up for me my junior year, because a girl actually liked me. We ended up together but after two months she left me because she had mental issues. She was and still is perfect to me. I have tried my hardest to show i care, to …

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16

The enigma of pain

  January 22nd, 2018 by tiredofchronicpain

“there is but one philosophical problem, and that is suicide”

Albert Camus

I usually skim through this website as a lurker, so this is my first post. I am unsure how to title this but I hope people will find this note nevertheless. What can I say? I am aged 28, male, intelligent, ambitious, and attractive. Throughout my life, I have been good at sport, physically agile, and had a can-do attitude. I loved living once. I had grown so much as a man in my past 5 years and enjoyed a spurt of good health. I had a loving family throughout my life. I was at …

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9

Pork Soda

  January 20th, 2018 by thetrashmen

So I got out of the adolescent unit of a behavioral health facility

and

I’m lost.

I went purposely, y’know

seeking help.

And I got some?

I felt so optimistic

so productive

whilst I was there

but I got picked up last night

and now I just

don’t know what to do or how to apply anything?

There’s so much to fix

so much to get past

and it seemed so simple there but now it’s just

not?

I had it mapped, planned in the abstract

and no way to truly accomplish anything.

I’m trying so hard to get it together and I’m so pissed that I can’t fix myself in a day

but Rome fucking burned in one.

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0

Empty

  January 16th, 2018 by lonely2k14

So it’s been a long time since I’ve been on this site. Last month, was the worst month I’ve ever been through. No, I didn’t self harm, because, i was way past that point. I was at the point where i felt certain pain and had emotional breakdowns often, but i felt genuinely empty now. Before, I often had reasons as to why I would feel particularly horrible one day, more so than before. But last month, I just was horribly in emotional pain for all 31 days. My grades dropped so much and the drive I had to succeed in school and life was …

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13

i’m just…lonely?

  January 15th, 2018 by thetrashmen

I’m not particularly striking, I suppose.

Not lightskinned, my nose is big

Just generally unappealing

I’ve worn an afro for about 4 years now

turns people off, or the ones I’m trying to attract at least.

I oversexualize myself in a way that seems to push people away even more.

I’ve this ridiculous tendency to be both loud and overtly inappropriate

I’m aware of it but,,, it’s just the way I am, I suppose.

I’m so good at repulsing everyone and I’m just

at this developmental stage in life where everyone else is changing and I’m just…not?

Dying hair, getting piercings, finding interests

I suppose I’ve gone through that phase already

but I’m just. stagnant at this …

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6

expelled from school

  January 14th, 2018 by evelina

hi. i got expelled from school like a week ago (10th grade). my parents don’t give a shit, but they tell me to get a job. can’t seek for one outside the house ’cause i’m super socially anxious. i tried to kill myself for god knows how many times and the only conclusion is a sick head.  i don’t know what to do anymore, really. it feels like the universe is toying me.

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5

I lied… Why admit it?

  January 10th, 2018 by Urm8451n

I lied to you guys about quitting this site…
I just can’t, you strangers are the only one to talk to.
I’m getting really lonely, and afraid of losing control.
I’m at my second semester, February is going to be the finals (University tests). Last semester I scored 88.5 average which is pretty high. But I promised my mom to score around 95 this semester.

I’m focused on the target…..but at the end of the day, when it gets silent, and I feel like talking, I’ve none to talk to.

I’m a friendly fine looking man, it is not that I don’t …

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3

I don’t know anymore.

  January 8th, 2018 by foreverinevitable18

Hi I’m an 18 year old college student who is going through a lifetime of stress, depression, and anxiety. Depression has always been a factor in my life, for I have been depressed for six years now and find no way out. Although I am a very smart individual and have a great circle of friends who care for me, I have issues with opening up with people. I struggle with telling others of how I truly feel because I believe that they truly wouldn’t care, is it wrong to believe that individuals only care for their self being? I am constantly abusing drugs and …

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5

On the bright side, there’s handicap parking…

  January 4th, 2018 by Cordless


.
The thing about having disability AND depression is…
When my body feels well enough to get out of bed, my mind often doesn’t.
And often when my mind is peaceful and content enough to get up and join the world, my body can hardly make it from one room to the other.

For the body, I have leg braces, canes, walker, wheelchair…
For the mind, I have music (performing & composing), reading, and art.

I’m single and I live alone; if i dont take care of myself, no one else does.

But it’s much easier said than done.

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3

What can I do

  January 3rd, 2018 by crackedheart

I just have no idea what to do anymore. I don’t want to be alive anymore but I can’t kill myself because anytime I think about doing it and how much I just don’t want to be forced to live on this rock, I see my parents and friends faces and how sad they’d be. This always brings a sense of hopelessness, I can’t die, I don’t wanna be here but I have to be so fuck what do I do. I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere on this whole world and constantly feel homesick for a place that I’m losing hope I could …

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8

“It might be better not to wish for such a thing”

  December 29th, 2017 by furid

Recently, I got called into the psychologist’s office at my high school for a consultation. One of my teachers told me that she’d been watching over me for two and a half years (I’m halfway through my third year of high school, seventeen and a half years old) and directed me to the office.

I initially had trouble opening up; mostly because of the shock I experienced when I got asked whether there was something wrong. It felt like lightning struck me on a clear sunny day. I was silent and awkward and smiley the first few times. In the past three years, I’ve never shown any …

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0

I want to pull the fucking trigger

  December 27th, 2017 by Urm8451n

that is it. I had enough.
I had enough of this kind of life.
I screwed up a few times. other times I got screw over.
Im fucked up.

I want to be soulless. I want to be with out feelings
I want to be a fucking robot.

I don’t want to communicate. I don’t want to love, to cry, to be mad.

God. If you are out there, when I wake up tomorrow morning, please wake me up feeling less.
Please help me become this hollow shell.

Why would you take away from me so much, without taking my feelings too? …

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2

Shameful and sleepless

  December 25th, 2017 by mthrfckr

I have been alone a large part of my adult life. Ballpark 99% of it. I finally gave up hope of ever finding someone and accepted the fact I’d be alone forever. Then someone came into my life about 15 months ago. After I met her I never saw her again for 5 weeks. This is not when things started to get weird. About 7 month ago I have her a gift, something I had but didn’t need. This is where it got weird. We talked about the gift and how it worked, and I started having feelings for her despite a large age difference. …

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5

Never felt so mentaly naked

  December 24th, 2017 by Urm8451n

I’ve been told by a psychologist, that my “inner sensitive /feeling persona” is being held chained and at a close space inside my mind. He also stated that I’m good at dividing between having this horrible pains due sickness, and between fully functioning at my life and doing the best I can. He explained that my feeling persona gets to the conscious only when it has strength, and that happens when it is mad, or which when I’m mad.

He said that right after the pain stops, I totally repressive it from my consciousness, and I do it for …

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