Chronic Pain


Never felt so mentaly naked

December 24th, 2017by Urm8451n

I’ve been told by a psychologist, that my “inner sensitive /feeling persona” is being held chained and at a close space inside my mind. He also stated that I’m good at dividing between having this horrible pains due sickness, and between fully functioning at my life and doing the best I can. He explained that my feeling persona gets to the conscious only when it has strength, and that happens when it is mad, or which when I’m mad.

He said that right after the pain stops, I totally repressive it from my consciousness, and I do it for …

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I think it’s time

December 18th, 2017by soundless scream

I had hoped to recieve a response from anyone that might be able to relate to my feelings of hopelessness or could share their experience as it related to mine. But I didn’t and I guess that’s alright. I figure you come into this horrid world alone, you walk through it alone, and I should expect to exit it the same. I know my husband will be devasted in every way humanely possible when I die because it will be him that most likely will discover my remains. I’m currently trying to figure out where in my home to do this. I’ve decided that I …

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I was already bad, and then he died

December 14th, 2017by SunshinesBlackhole

So, I first wrote on here in 2013 talking about my budding depression.

I’ve had lifelong issues: chronic illnesses, abusive parents, bullying, many sexual assaults, death of family members, panic attacks, self-harm, suicide attempts.

I wrote in here when I was fourteen. I’m nineteen now, a sophomore at a good college. Decent GPA. I haven’t cut myself in years, I was seeing a therapist, on some helpful medication. I was better, never good, but better.

I had a bad breakup a few months prior. I was getting diagnosed with yet another a new chronic illness. I was estranged from my friend group because of said breakup, and my …

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What are you doing Chloé?

December 12th, 2017by chloe17

Its 12.30pm on a Tuesday morning, people my age are at work or school doing something meaningful with their lives yet here am I: Lying on my bed with no intention to make today worth it. I don’ t even know how I found the strength to type this. I have a job interview in a couple of hours yet I am wondering if I should go. I feel like doing nothing. Nothing interests me anymore. I have lost my appetite, my eyes are swollen from crying everyday.

2017 was one hell of a year. I graduated from college, I turned 24, got my first car, …

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being your illness

December 12th, 2017by onemorehour



i lost my grip about 5 years ago, i started thinking that everyone i loved hated me, that they would leave me, and so i pushed them away.


i had been through a lot of trauma with the people i loved, people we loved had killed themselves and as we always took life as it was a little harder than the rest, i thought they would understand, that they would stay by me as i had stayed by them, that they might help me out. they could not handle it and i manifested the abandonment through my paranoia and dramatic cries for help that no one …

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who am I

December 12th, 2017by Drained-Blast

I’ve been around this project for a while but I did never have the energy to post, today’s am feeling bit better and that’s why I grabbed the opportunity to write.

I feel like having a whole population in my head, each person trying to make it theirs, looking from outside I have the best family and a prosperous future, but no one ever asked if I am really happy about it.

my parents ruined my life with their fucking ideal principles, : you should not do this, school before friends, school before hanging out, shcool school school and then school, ok I secured my future but …

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phantom pains from forced genital mutilation

December 10th, 2017by generic name

I was born in the late 90s in probably the second most liberal area of california.

Before I was even an hour old, my mom had my genitals mutilated. “Everyone does it”, “girls prefer it”, “it was normal then” she said, despite the western US alone having a fucking 30% circumcision rate in the year I was born, and likely that area being somewhere around 3%.


Almost nobody else was who wasn’t jewish when I was growing up, funny enough, everyone I wound up becoming close friends with turned out to be circumcised. All but 1 were jewish.


In elementary school, they made fun of me for being …

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December 4th, 2017by Lostagain1991

I’m so done with everything. I just went through a fucking school shooting and people want me to be over it all ready. I’m so sad all the time, no one needs me. I have no idea what to do, no one knows that I’m sad and if they do they ignore it.

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December 3rd, 2017by My Name Is

Everything about me is wrong. Every inch of my skin and hair is messed up and imperfect. Every thought I have is impure and every idea I have is bad. Every drawing I draw is too dark and every note I sing is off pitch. Every word I write isn’t placed right and every song I listen to is written strangely. Every book I read is weird and everything I touch disintegrates. Every person I know sees me as imperfect and wrong. Everything about me is wrong and I know it as well as anyone else who has the misfortune of meeting me or even …

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December 3rd, 2017by My Name Is

I have a 4.2 GPA. I am on the varsity swim team. I am an honors student right now and there’s not a single class that I’m taking that isn’t advanced. I have a good amount of friends and my teachers like me. I live in a good stable family it looks like with two parents that are still together along with a brother and a sister. My family can afford to go to the beach in the summer for the weekend and allow me and my siblings to have out own rooms. I have a seasonal job that paid really good this year and …

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How do I make it through?

December 2nd, 2017by Urm8451n

Hey, good week everyone.

Hope you guys do well.

This post I’m addressing to any reader with a question :

In the end of the day, you are still alive. How come? How did you make it through?  you are more than welcome sharing to me your secret.


I’m a little bit of suicidal now…

So freaking terrored by the idea of not making it through.

I see the following week and I’m disgusted of my life.

It’s going to be a tough time for me.

I never hoped to get this lonely, but here and there, life has brought me here.

Will I make it through, like you do?

Will I one day, stand …

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Maybe, I just need to jump… (to my death)

November 28th, 2017by Urm8451n

A lot of time has passed since I wrote here.

My last post was about “Tips and good bye”, but I came back.
I’m suffering from abdominal pains each day, and it has become more and more harsh.
I’m trying to study, but I can’t concentrate. Where ever I go, I feel isolated. It is not socialy isolation, it is different. I feel different.
I can’t explain how I’m doing, I can only say I’m cracked, I’m fully torn apart. I’m all alone in this war and I don’t FEEL like I can make it through, I need help, and I HAVE NOWHERE TO GET IT FROM.

I’m a fighter, …

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My story if anyone cares

November 28th, 2017by Max



November 26th, 2017by deerdezz

ups and downs, ups and downs
so much has happened in a year..both good and bad that i sometimes still find myself waking up if any of it was real.
and now i feel that feeling again. not necessarily wanting to be gone but not against my time being up. wondering how someone like me could be allowed to stay here when i feel so foreign to the world.
Like im not even human at all but desperately want to.
When the fog settled in and anxiety already hit its peak i left without saying a word.
I started out walking. I thought getting fresh air …


A year has

November 22nd, 2017by DepressedFilipina

A year has passed and I still have the same problem as I was a year ago.

The only thing different is now is that it’s not just emotional pain but also physical pain. There are times where I can’t breath. Sometimes I have back pains, body ache, dizziness and head ache. I’m not saying its about my depression but the thing is, this sickness adds up to I’m feeling.

I thought I could escape this through some people entering my life but unfortunately I can’t. They made me felt special, yes but it was just a glimpse. I felt it but just for a moment.





November 20th, 2017by iamdarling

my ocd is at an all time high, and i have no idea what to do about it — please help?


It’s bad for me, but it makes me happy..

November 10th, 2017by lonelylostsoul

Yeah.. I uh.. I have started drinking beer. 4% of alcohol, but it still counts. I know. I f*cked up really badly. So badly that my only true friend threatens me that she’ll abandon me, just like that, if I don’t stop. I somehow find a way to f*ck up everything I can.. I just wish I f*cking killed myself when I had the chance to.. I just don’t want this life anymore.. I am only alive right now, because if I killed myself, my only true friend would too. Only because of that. No other reason. If it wasn’t for her I’d be dead …


Future Plans

November 6th, 2017by asheunderwater

Recently, things have been worse than normal. More family issues, issues with my lover, my so called ‘friends’. It’s alright though, I won’t be here much longer. Hopefully I’ll only have to endure a few more months of this hell.
I have three plans in mind. First I’ll try and get my hands on a gun. It’ll take awhile, I either have to crack the code on the vault or have them trust me enough to get me one for ‘shooting practice’.
If that doesn’t work, I’ll plan a time to sneak out with a bunch of liquor and pot and go to the railroads. If I …


Can we talk about mental health care providers real quick?

November 5th, 2017by greyghoste

A.k.a. how fucking useless they all are? The only thing mental health care providers have ever done for me is make me feel like they’re exploiting my mental illness as an expendable source of income. 0% helpful. 100% scam. And yet everybody swears by them while I am absolutely convinced that the mental health services are pseudoscience. They don’t give a SHIT about me unless I’m paying. And then they have the audacity to take the $200 I managed to scrape together to try and get some real help, and tell me to fix it myself. Fuck all of you, I hope you all burn …


My Suicide Note Was Addressed to You

November 5th, 2017by greyghoste

Even after every day you didn’t talk to me. Every day you told me you hated me. That I should leave and never come back. After every day I tried to say I was sorry for my shortcomings, and every day that you never forgave me. Every day you never apologized for your own shortcomings, for the bullying and the heartbreak, for every time I tried to share my life with you only for you to throw it back in my face. Every day you told me I looked like a whore when I put on make up when I didn’t feel confident; every day …