Don’t use smiling as a coping mechanism.
I have grown to hate my smile. Back in middle school, i tried to cope with the depression attacks by smiling. Because, having a flash of inspiration, I thought i’d be able to get through it if i smiled. Because you smile when you’re happy, right? Idiotic thought, really. As befitting of a naive middle schooler. I never considered how creepy it’d be until after it became a habit.
I started to smile whenever i was hurting, whenever i cried and whenever it became unbearable. Memories of me smiling became the scariest and most unsettling nightmares for me.
I really hate smiling now. But i do it everyday. Because constantly having suicide thoughts doesnt help, apparently. I’m scared to smile when i’m truly enjoying things.