It has been 6 weeks since the last time I self harmed, usually at this stage I would be shaking uncontrollably and digging for a release. But I don’t feel like that, I feel good. The thing that’s different this time is I am no longer in a relationship. It makes me feel so guilty because my ex knew about my self harm and tried to help the best he could but now that he’s gone I’m finally okay. I know why too, he was so jealous and I would isolate myself in attempt to reassure him but it destroyed my friendships and I would […]
Last night, I was stressed. I feel like it’s just all my emotions beginning to leak out. I had a pretty bad headache too. I just kept slamming my palm into my forehead, hoping it would just stop. It gave me a moment of relief and then it just continued to hurt. I don’t like consuming medicine because it weakens your body’s natural fighting. It might sound like a stupid reason, but it’s not in the long run, it’s not. It’s like I’m stuck here, for 3 more years. It sucks. I still hate myself. my left arm still hasn’t healed and you can see […]
Life……it’s a complicated thing for many people. Some of it is brought on by ourselves, though some of it is thrown upon us outside of our control. Both good things and bad things work that way. Sometimes you have to take a step back to see the full picture to not get lost in the details, and sometimes you have to take a closer look at things to find your way through the forest. Balance won’t always be the same. The scales can shift. The weights can slide and you have to be ready for when they do. Not everything in the future is foreseeable […]
Gratitude is overrated, like many other optimistic/positive-thinking advices. Not everybody can do that. It’s unrealistic, and honestly full of BS (bullshit)
Gratitude has become today’s current hype which everyone seems to be doing, and even keep posting about it constantly on social media. Everywhere you see people always talk about gratitude (& with all other optimistic/positive stuff usually).
It becomes irritating however when gratitude is forced and shoved down our throats, as if everyone should (or must) do that. In reality, you can’t just force other people to keep showing gratitude constantly. Things happened, shits happened; problems, pain, & sufferings happen to some people, which is ridiculous […]
What an god awful day. My emotional capacity is of a child, I couldn’t even let anyone know I went home early, due to feeling like ass. I had it in my gut, that none of my friends will have time to talk to me about it, and I was right. I’m going to cut my arms open tonight. It has been a long time, since that happened but it’s just one of those days you know.? I feel heavy, burdened. It feels like an entity has reached for my heart and keeps hold of it. My weekend will just be me.
Healing.
That’s the word we keep using.
Healing the inner child. Healing the past, Healing and moving forward. Moving with each other.
Special.
What we have is clearly special.
It’s not like we love each other, but we care. We keep using that word, too. Care. I care for her. She cares for me.
…
Pact.
We made a pact together.
We would be alone with each other if it helped and also avoid self-isolation.
Her mind. Font. Her Font. She is so similar to me. She calls it OCD and Anxiety.
I am afraid to speak before her.
but my words
become easier as they leave me
when I speak with her –
i feel heard. After all. Somehow. […]
Do you ever dissociate on your couch at night and casually talk about suicide with your friends, though usually you keep it to yourself.?
Welp, I didn’t just spend a whole hour, writing a whole monologue on the matter of the meaning of life, nooo, I did not… This is going to be awkward tomorrow, I can tell. Not sure, if 50 deleted messages are worse though, seeing as I do that a lot, when I am hurt about something or think: Eh, it’s irrelevant (in a few hours) anyway (’cause my mood is like a pendulum of shit).
I think I’ll leave it. I don’t want […]
Hello there, friends. I just ran across this website tonight. At first I was shocked because it seemed to be promoting suicide, but then I read the rules and realized that wasn’t the case. However, I didn’t worry any less about the people on this site. I don’t know any of you but I’m guessing I know the feelings you’re feeling. Please take a look at what I have to say.
Disclaimers
I’m going to make a few disclaimers before I start. First of all, if I accidentally say something that offends you, I apologize and recognize that your viewpoint exists. However, I don’t apologize for speaking […]
lonely, i’ve been. no matter how much i say that, it still doesn’t change. i’m stuck in this pit.
my own little world has been harder and harder to focus on, a place where i’m not that lonely.. but this one album(s) makes me carry on. it’s called The Metal Opera by Tobias Sammet’s Avantasia.
i found it simply on a whim, i started with one song called The Seven Angels.. and ever since i’ve been hooked.
I bought the gold edition CD, and reading though the whole lore makes me feel more connected to the characters, the world. i love everything about this album and i can’t […]
I am afraid of harm.
I have grown wise about harm.
But I just found that when I perform it, the crippling pain leaves in a way and for a time while my wound remains.
I am scared of myself now.
[image and caption removed]
My eyes roll back, my tongue hardens, balling up in my throat.
I choke on my body, every finger feels alone. As if somebody is pouring their voice into my mind, humming a drone which washes over me like I’m being boiled alive, I reeel repeatedly, awash sans sensation save an echoing of separation.
Like a hand to the face, or a soft bucket of cold water, my senses return, the highways of mind occupy themselves once more.
Defenseless, totally vulnerable to otherworldly nothing, unreasonable in any fashion.
/~\\
(Abandoned places)
https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/transition.html
https://www.bmj.com/content/341/bmj.c3222
https://www.uptodate.com/contents/suicidal-ideation-and-behavior-in-adults/print
https://drjonicewebb.com/how-to-deal-with-your-emotionally-neglectful-parents/
https://www.wikihow.com/Accept-That-Your-Parents-Don%27t-Understand-You
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantone_448_C
(here- […]
FUCK TIME TIME IS A B!TCH
FUCKIN RANT O’CLOCK, FUCKLES MCGEE!
GUESS WHAT?! I’m FUCKING waiting now, and I FUCKING hate it!
WAITING FOR THIS STUPID FUCKING SOLUTION which is GONNA MAKE MY LIFE BETTER
but FUCK WAITING OH GOD
I WAS STABLE for like A WEEK AND A HALF damnit! FUCK COPING! FUCK QUESTIONS from PROFANE PREACHERS of PALLID HATE!
HERE’s the UPDATE, because HELL YEAH that’s useful!
Part ONE:
I wanna make some FUCKIN DEMANDS, damnit!
I WANNA COFFIN, DAMNIT! and you BETTER NOT THROW AWAY ALL THE SHIT I PUT TOGETHER TO LAY THIS WHOLE MESS OUT FOR YA!
alright, now to the kind and well-deserving members of thesuicideproject.org, I’d like to […]
Looking to golden lights, disoriented by gossamer affection
You never loved me- lie no more. Leave me or love me, I shan’t stand for your façade any longer. I see truth, I knew from the genesis of your sin, it held no virtues.
You called my light delusion, and you called my patience an unchecked ego. When I spoke clearly at last, your shell crumbled, you held no quarter to the lies before which you had brought forth against me. You say it “I love you not, I care nothing for you however you shall live.” And so it was laid plain.
Goddamnit, I’d hate for this to just be some bum other journal for me. But- At break point, I know that need.
Tonight I make the daring leap, I do what I hate myself for, what they will never forgive truly. For they cannot love, They cannot care for anything other than their purchase ‘pon me.
They will hate and weep, plead and probe into me, but my adamantine message cannot falter. Tonight will be difficult, I fear it’s malfruition. I pray to honest God for strength, for forgiveness for the resolve of self I have lacked so long, and for grace abounding […]
The playlists abounded, the only things left besides the journals upon journals, notepads chock-full
https://creator.nightcafe.studio/creation/lgZAU77M5JbFZvkkBCuY
It is human to, at this point, put forth a greeting to the community i have just joined here. Hello. I want to die. I shall start with a recent tale of achievement in my life.
-I am very happy that recently, I secured my avenue of prospective death in a manner of which I shall not discuss, but which brings me great solace to find was appropriately covert and fruitful. I feel peace knowing I can hold the hand of death this way, and have been more productive for having this comfort.
This is all I shall share for now.
Wishing […]
It helps me when I’m suicidal to list little dumb things that make me last an extra 10 minutes. Try making your own list. Make it personal and stupid and something no one else would find inspirational. I’ll include mine as an example
——
You haven’t been on a 19th century sail ship before. Or pooped in a golden toilet. Seen that one celebrity in real life before. Or that one famous painting. Or heard your favorite band live. What’s that one thing really like, in real life? What does frankensense smell like? What is it like to ride a Jetski? There are so many things you don’t know […]
Every day I think about ways to stop this overwhelming pain and sadness. I can’t be bothered anymore. I feel that I can’t leave because I have my son to look after and he has already suffered tremendous loss. I can’t focus. I’m going to lose my job if I don’t return. I find no joy in anything. I only want to lie around and sleep or watch TV. I am a worthless nothing piece of crap. The love of my life blindsided me and left – no contact. Just cheated and left after eight years. I’ve struggled with my mental health for years and […]