So maybe it’s not much of a problem I mean I’ve been through way worse and felt way lower in my life but for some reason I can’t help but feel alone and depressed. Growing up I didn’t have friends and I hit my peak in middle school. I have hundreds of friends well I guess looking back none of them were really my friends but once I got to high school everything changed I didn’t trust anyone and I was the most paranoid person in the world. Not like omg the FBI is after me but like I always felt that someone was going […]
Hockey season is starting and already there has been lots of drama in my team. It really doesn’t have much to do with me but being around it and talking to people about it got really stressful. Although it’s mainly over now I am still tired from it and already made me feel really down getting into the season. My club games have already started and I’ve played pretty average. I always feel like I’m letting me team down ever since my Dad told me in the car before a game that I was letting the team down and I wasn’t doing good enough. I […]
hello
im a compulsive lair and suffering from ocd
i started taking prozac for my ocd
and admited being a liar to my family
but fact is i’ve been exposed as a liar
in university
among people i know
and dont
even in social media
and having a wierd name
gossips and reputation precceds me
where ever i go
how can i be given a second chance when im cast out like this
is only way out suicide
This is in part for all you forest lovers here at SP (looking at you Waldschläfer!) and also to ask you guys if you have a ‘special place’ and if so, what’s it like and why do you go there specifically?
These are a few photos of one place I spend a lot of time getting away from it all. I took these in the winter and even then it’s a beautiful little spot to go unwind. My novice attempts at photography don’t do it justice, so you’ll just have to trust me, it’s real nice, even in its dankest state…
I actually feel quite clean today. Well not exactly. A bunch of hoes are pissing the crap out of me. And i apprently failed my exams again.
anyways. My point is… like suicidal thoughts flash into my mind out of nowhere in the middle of class. Not every time but from time to time. It’s quite scary actually. I’d also think about how people would react to me disappearing. I honestly feel like they wouldn’t care. I mean a lot of them don’t care. Maybe some will but not a lot. Just about 2-3 people would. Out of all 100+ people in school that I know.
I […]
Why do i have a obsession with cutting myself ? as soon as i see the blood i feel a relief flood through my body . no drug compares . the best way to get rid of a problem . cut the bad from the good . a walking scarred shell. no future . whoever believes that is stupid
I have officially made up my mind and am at peace with it. Time to say goodbye this weekend. I wanted to go earlier but one of my daughters birthday is tomorrow so I am going to wait.
I learned that due to my NP hydrocephalus that I am about 18 to 24 months away from suffering the same symptoms as those with CTE. It is almost like dementia. I do not want to sit and be a burden to anyone. Especially do not want to be a burden to my soon to be ex wife and my kids. I think I have come to peace […]
Do I get up and disappear while she lays beside me, sleeping beautifully? Even if she did no wrong I can’t force myself to believe she hasn’t, If I disappear maybe she’ll find someone better and worthy. I was always told anything said or thought after 2AM should be ignored but it seems to be my wisest moments. I don’t know how or why I think this way, I wish I didn’t. I wish I was ‘normal’… I used to say consistency is key in my previous relationships but it seems the only thing consistent in my life is sadness, suicidal thoughts and total destruction […]
From time to time I still find myself overwhelmed and just wishing all was over. I fear this will never fully go away. It’s been building up for sometime now. Longer than normal, stronger than normal. Ever so slowly imploding. Back to drinking myself to sleep cause I really don’t know what else to do. Even that has it’s limitations. Work is what I use typically. Just focus on it day in day out. Let’s me simply ignore or avoid what I can’t handle or can’t control…….that’s becoming me now though.
I have never had insomnia before, this is the first time in my life. It is hell and making my depression even worse.
Does anyone else have it? Or has anyone else had it? How did you deal with it?
I feel so alone, as if I am not good enough.
Today I almost suffocated from my own self-hate. Sigh, not literally, metaphorically. There were so many people in the bathroom all of a sudden and I could not cry, I had to hold it in for approximately ten minutes while they fussed over their picture.
Every day I search for something to take my mind off of wanting to die. It’s been over a year since my first (aborted) attempt. Since then, I’ve thrown myself into my work and family. But some days it’s difficult, especially those days when my thoughts become consumed by the failures in my life, and being stuck in them. Today was better than others but I don’t know what tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, will bring.
Weekends are the worst because there’s no work to keep my mind occupied, and Wednesdays mark the point at which they become visible at the bottom of the slide.
So […]
Hey! I hope everyone’s doing good (as good as it gets here at SP)…
This is my first post but I’ve been lurking for a couple of weeks now, commenting here and there more recently. This site and all of you on it have been a massive help to me recently in many different ways and I wanted to thank you all for that.
I used to spend a lot of time drawing but haven’t been as much lately, this is the last thing I finished and it seemed pretty relevant to SP… (sorry for the poor photo Q).
![You're Gonna [...]
</p srcset=](https://i.suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/IMG_3026-450x338.jpg)
How do you learn to trust again once that trust has been broken?
I don’t know how to deal with this pain and anxiety of not being able to trust
I feel frantic and irrational
My boyfriend is talking to his first ever ex, he didn’t tell me until like a week of them talking. From what he’s told me of her she was really manipulative and they ended on bad terms. When they dated she was in a relationship and cheated on her boyfriend with him constantly. It tore him up inside because she said she would leave her boyfriend but kept them both. She’s still with […]
within the last two months, ive started to feel like i am not myself anymore. i am not doing the things i love because i simply just dont have the time or motivation. ive found myself spending more time living inside my own brain that is telling me constantly to harm myself or end my life in total. i am sad to say that today was a breaking point for me, and i did harm myself after months of being clean. i am absolutely devastated and ashamed in myself, and that isnt helping me with my suicidal thoughts. ive tried coming up with a list […]
Does drinking make you suicidal? What do you guys think of drinking when youre sad? Does weed work better than alcohol as a coping mechanism?
I never wanted any of this to happen but it did.
I never wanted to feel this way but I do.
I’m tired of faking my interests and smiles.
Cutting never helps, it never helped me feel
in control.
But I liked the pain, the feeling like a flicker of fire dragging across your bare skin.
But then it’s gone and I’m left numb… with nothing else but the scattered thoughts that are jumbled in my head.
I may seem crazy and people can have their judgments about me, but I’m just like everyone else yet I just have more problems then they’ll ever have.
But yet again I never asked […]
Oh jeez where to start. I actually haven’t logged onto this site for at least a year maybe longer? It’s hard to remember. I was doing a whole lot better and things were looking up. I had setbacks, times where I struggled but nothing unbearable. Well recently my best friend of 6 years (by far the longest friendship I have ever had) left me. This is the person I have gone to with everything and who I probably care about most in the world. We have been drifting for apart for about a month because I attempted suicide over a PTSD trigger and she got […]
Hello, I’m 18 and I was recently hospitalized at an impatient facility before my 18th birthday for a suicide attempt. The facility I was at was really comfortable and I made great connections there. I kinda rushed out of it because Christmas was in a few days and i felt a lot of pressure to be home for the holidays (and I was a little homesick). I’m thinking of going back, but now that I’m 18 I would be in the adult ward and I’m afraid of what that’s like. Im in a really dark place right now and I came to this site with […]
The minutes are torturess. It’s as if someone is screaming inside of me. My life has become unbearable.
But suddenly now I’m at peace, with the concept of death. I’ve reached the point where I’m okay with how I feel. I accept it. I accept that my life may end with an impulsive slit to the throat. I accept that I may go on for a lifetime feeling this pain and enternal hurt.
I accept these things, but it doesn’t mean I’m no longer aching inside. Because I am. I still have this dull heavy pain in my chest but I’m no longer fighting it. […]