i want to live in my head, it’s just so. so. so. comfortable there. it’s like a treehouse with sunshine through the leaves and birds singing and a stream and frogs and flying squirrels and everything is so nice. it’s like the childhood i’d always dreamed of when i was a kid. i want to stay there forever. i’m so tired. i’m so in pain all the time. my body always hurts and there’s so many decisions to make and things to do and i have to keep my room clean and i feel like puking. My head has so much that doesn’t exist and […]
I planned to end it a couple years ago when I was in high school , but now i’ve graduated from college and started University. Everyday, at the back of my head, I struggle to imagine a future for myself because I feel like i’m way below average and I won’t be able to make it in the working world. I choke on my words when talking to anyone I’m not close with and I feel like a social failure. My thoughts of ending it were harsher than they were now but I still dream of dying everyday.
My life is actually not bad but I […]
I guess it is my escapist nature. Fantasies of disappearing involve places far away. A ship to Antarctica. A field in Montana. A Tibetan prayer tent in the Himalayas. I dream of being far away, and ending there. No one I know can see me, or stop me.
There is no enjoyment now. Disappearing into the vast made up world of media, lying in bed recovering from the physical pain of living, and the psychological pain of those whose time is dying. Why not me? No one suspects. No one would guess. The places I go. So low so low. I want not to exist. Really. […]
I just wish my mom would try to understand my emotional pain. I wish she would support me emotionally. I wish she would tell me she loves me. I wish she wouldn’t put me down. I wish she wouldn’t judge me. I wish she could see the hurt she causes me. I wish I could hate her. I wish and wish and wish for the impossible when it comes to her. I know full well she isn’t the type of person I wish she could be. I know she doesn’t do it on purpose, it’s more like she’s blunt and doesn’t have a filter when […]
I’m in a relationship with an ex of mine and i’m really happy, im smoking less, getting stuff done and having my own life while with this girl and she has hers, it seems to work. I feel the happiest I have in a very long time yet my anxiety is the worst it has ever been. Every time she tells me about her life and there is someone else she was into in the story i feel so insecure. I know it’s normal to talk about past relationships, it just hurts. And i know i’m an asshole for feeling that way and i don’t […]
“Tonight, I’m calling all astronauts, all the lonely people that the world forgot. If you hear my voice, come pick me up. Are you out there cause your all I’ve got”
The lyrics of this song describes how I feel. I feel that I’m not welcome in this world. I don’t understand why people need to be harsh. I’ve been visiting this site for years since 2013 especially everytime my mind betrays me but it is only now that I’ve decided to write my heart out.
I would like to connect with my fellow astronauts. Greetings, my fellow astronauts.
I was procrastinating on my homework when I came across this website. I’m writing this all off the top of my head so just stand by. So I read so many peoples stories on here and noticed one thing, everyone on here is going through the SAME THING. I myself often have bad mental health and breakdowns, but you know what? nobody is perfect. AND DON’T SKIP, I know everyone uses this as a pity sentence but just spend a minute of your life reading this because you need to open your eyes. Think to yourself, do you think there is a single […]
Maybe, it is me who is my own culprit, it is my fault that I did not act the way I was supposed to in order to survive in this cruel world. Maybe, everything that is bothering me is just an illusion, it is a noise coming from my mind that is making me feel worthless, reminding me constantly of all my flaws and insecurities. Maybe, I wronged myself by having expectations on others, hoping they would understand me, hoping that they will turn out the way I want , hoping they will bring happiness and well-being in my life. Maybe, I should have learned […]
Was going through my email and found an old email from this website. Holy hell it’s been years. Things got better and things got worse. The sad thing is the feeling of wanting to kill myself never left. But I have decided to live for those around me. Those who enjoy seeing me and my time. But i know when I get home I always make my peace with leaving them. I always know they’ll be okay when I’m gone. I’m not that important to anyone. I stopped being important long ago. I used to be sad my ex girlfriend left me and cheated on […]
It’s tangerine season
That’s just what echoes in my head. People/parents/friends/former didn’t left and that was the saddest part . Remember the day when I used to have panic attack and my parents dragged me to get on my ass. My mom exactly knew when I would shout back and thanks her for conferencing with all my family members(uncle/aunt/grandmother) and just waiting for the moment to trigger me to shout back and say them to leave me alone. Nice team you got with all your saddist/narcissistic friends. Been a looser/pathetic. My soulmate left. Just murmers inside my head. I am left with no purpose atleast I want to […]
By: yours truly (a sick in the head teenager)
TW ig idk how to do this lol um sh suicidal thought and questioning everything and also SA
Why? A question I find myself asking quite often. What is the point in anything if its all nothing. In 150 years, everyone who is alive at this moment, will be dead. Including yours truly. Though it is up to us how we spend those years. A sad realization my 13 year old self has come to is, in lets say 500 years, no one will know of my existence and probably yours as well. Unless of course you […]
My death wish is the only constant thing through my life, bad days, good days, best days, my secret wish is always right here through all of them.
I have conquered most of the challenges that came my way through my 35 years yet my main goal still eludes me due to the knowledge of its consequences to others.
I don’t want to hurt those who care for me but on the other hand I live an unwanted (and empty) life because of them.
Should I estrange myself first? Is it better to be hated, missing, gone or plain dead? And why do I care for the difference, […]
I’ve been feeling pretty shitty about myself lately since I feel ungrateful because I know I have a life that many others wish they had and yet I still want to kill myself. I’ve also been disgusted with myself since I feel so obnoxious, I’ve been telling myself I’m stressed when other people have it far worst and wanting things to be different when I have everything I need. On top of that I’ve been feeling guilty since everyone around me thinks I’m positive and confident when I’m really the opposite by not denying these things am I not lying not only to the world […]
Masking heavy thoughts
Like dirt covering a dead seed
Giving life to unclean intentions
And sprouting the darkest deeds
Song lyrics?:
The things I’ve tried and heard
Looking for better words 2x
Idk I’m just trying to get rid of the loud thoughts and go tf to sleep
Still the honor roll!!!! This was a post from obviously a while ago. These people meant a lot to me back in that time. I was actually getting back on to see if these people are still active on this site currently by any chance?
SP Honour Roll
written by @
12/23/2014
Bisban (Morlock)
Clevername
CyanidesOfMarch
C4 (and his various aliases)
Dawg
DeathDreamer
Distant.Road
Distress
Duke of Marmalade
Koji
Nias
OnlyLoveisReal
PainNLife
Persa (and her various aliases)
Procel
Quaero
RealTalk30
Rocketman (and the Hot Tub Gang)
RogueShadow (I forget the numerals)
Searchingformeaning
Shepherd (RogueLonesome)
Snuf (and his various aliases)
Stendarr (and her various prefixes and affixes)
StruggleOn
Thanatos (and his various aliases)
Tristeza
TheWhispersOfMySins
Xanadu (and his various aliases)
I was convinced i dreamt this website
Some sick depressed fever dream
An ill lonely teen looking to relate to people
I sunk so low
I still do
My scars scabbed through shame
But you heal
Still fragile, broken, cracked, but still healing
Which sounds like some cringe-y crap
Fuck, Ill be so-called ‘healing’ till the day i die
But
I have to make peace with that
I am 28 years old and I live in Los Angeles. I have PTSD that causes me to have a breathing problem. I have been through so much despair that I unwillingly hold my breathe when ever I am around people. Every one and I mean EVERYONE talks about like I am stupid ,they gossip right infront of me and they don’t even whisper.
They are basically Brittney Spearing me. My breathing problem is not being able to fully breathe in or fully breathing out. I work as a courier in DTLA and I am always being himulated . My breathing […]
Everything in my life seems to be going great. I am looking at colleges and can go wherever I want pretty much because we can afford it so i’m very lucky in that way, I have a job where i’m outside doing physical labor which I love, my friends are great and I have very close meaningful relationships. Yet despite all of this just because of one girl my entire world seems to be falling apart. It has been what seems like 5 months since we broke up, but I just can’t find that sense of comfort I had in that relationship. At this point […]