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Tonight’s the night I end it. The only person I ever loved left me and won’t talk to me . I lost a baby and my friends don’t care anymore. I can’t wait to just go to sleep and never wake up. I only hope I do it quickly or that if I drink enough that the pain will be quick. I wish I could have told him I love him one last time.
I really don’t know if I qualify for being depressed. I chose to have “depressed” as a part of my user name because it was a label that people were throwing onto me. I thought that depression was irrational. Wanting to die for no reason seems like depression, but wanting to die because of say, spiritual reasons or philosophical reasons does not seem much like a “chemical imbalance” to me. I should probably be careful with what I state here, but I believe that some people actually have rational reasons for suicide.
I don’t know if my reasoning would be so rational, though. All I want […]
I went shopping today & caught myself going through the winter clothing sale racks, thinking to buy for next winter. Whats the point? The universe has only 4 months left to brighten up my life before I’m done.
It is amazing how many times I could have stolen from shops. You see, I have to use a walking stick if I’m going anywhere. And I always wear a small backpack. Whenever you exit a store, the person at the front is supposed to stop you to check your bag if its larger than say a small clutch-purse. Not one og the stores I went in & […]
I’m drowning in my own sadness and depression. Just when i think I might be getting better I get worse. It’s a constant cycle of feeling happy then utterly hopeless and wanting to die. I can’t break the pattern no matter what drugs the docs prescribe or what activities I used to enjoy. I can’t find a thing in my life to lift this depression. I’ve tried all the things from before but nothing helps. I’ve taken to constantly listening to music to try and help but every song no matter how happy it sounds makes me even sadder and more depressed. I can’t win […]
I am 51 years old. This is not about fleeting moments of sadness or bad days or a broken and lonely heart. I have family that loves me, friends and a good job. I have no reason to be sad and miserable, but I am. I am tired and bored and depressed. I no longer have any fight in me, no desire, no hope of better days to come. The thought of living another twenty years, another ten or even another year is nearly unbearable to me. Life for some of us was never meant to be long. For whatever reason, some of us just […]
Everyone knows me as that smiling outgoing girl who is sometimes annoying but speaks her mind whenever something pops into her head! No one knows I feel so alone all the time, and that I just want more love. I always think about my life in the future, married to my dream man, having my dream family that consists of a boy, a girl, And a pair of twins (girl and boy). But then when I think about it I don’t want anything I just want to meet my maker and live a happy life in heaven.
Does any else have trouble sleeping? With amy problems or conditions that prevent you from being able to sleep or get any sleep at all?
I’ve been wanting this for so long; but now it’s more than a desire, it’s an obsession
I have nothing in my life that gives my living any credibility
I’m just a girl who’s broken beyond repair and this may well be how the rest of my life be like and I do not wish to keep going this way.
I need to go. I have to go.
As I write this, I’m sitting in bed with a loaded 9mm and capt Morgan white rum.
For the life of me I don’t get why I can’t do it, all my life all I’ve whined about and cursed god to do was take my life, yet presented with the opportunity I can’t do it… This is NOT a plead for help nor is it having second thoughts, my life has been shitty since birth! The usual… Father issues, my whole family gives me the cold shoulder.hell, one of my aunts thought it would be a good idea to tell me how my mother was […]
Everytime I try to write a poem it just ends up being depressing, I wrote a depressing poem and tried to make it more positive by ending it with a good message but others aren’t so pleasant:
Some people don’t know the truth,
But I’ve uncovered the proof.
The world out there sucks,
It’s evil, cruel and vicious
Life is a malicious *****.
You must believe me
I’ve suffered the pain
And felt my work was all in vain
I have had depression
It attacks your mind with great aggression
The little words you speak,
They keep breaking me, making me grow weak.
I don’t want to die
All the mental and emotional stress hurts.
My body is starting to hurt as well.
I just hope the pain ends.
I can’t stop crying.
I just want inner peace.
Somehow i always end up back here… back to my blog thats held my darkest secrets. I guess i find some comfort in that sp will always be here to listen. ive turned to tumblr recently which ive been venting on… but on here its different. every time i come on i feel like ive lost a battle; except this time i can truthfully say i dont want to die; i have so much more living to do… but i am so sad. i’m lonely and i hate feeling this way. I feel anxious all the time, i feel helpless, alone and i hate living […]
I don’t know what it is about him that makes me feel worthless n nothing to him I have spinal scoliosis see he doesn’t seem to believe that n sees me as lieing about how much pain I’m in he has been my stepdad for about 10 years since I was in grade school I’m so tired of him I’ve been in pain from my spine n body for about 3 years but lately it’s just been getting worse I don’t know what to do I feel like giving up on life n he doesn’t care for I can see it in his eyes […]
went to my first therapist session today. …
yeah i really can’t do this. i thought so seriously about killing myself afterwards. i mean, not more seriously than i have before. it’s just… i can never explain to anyone how this feels. i hate everything, and i try so fucking hard all the time to just get along
but i’m stupid, and i make mistakes, and everything is just so goddamn pointless and i never get any joy out of anything and i know people want me here now but i still don’t care, and i guess i hate myself for that, too, but what am […]
Do you think it’s painful? I have come across stories of others who have chosen this methos to have appeared to have thrashed around during their last moments, making me think that this might actually be a very dreadful way to go. I can only hope that the thrashing happens after the brain loses consciousness…
Any thoughts on this? Either educated guesses or preferably factual based, but any input would be appreciated.
Much thanks in advance,
CT
there’s a feeling I get every time a friend asks me to hang out. I often get short of breath my my heat races. I get hot and my head starts to pound. but why?
why is it that even though I want to hang out, I always find my self making excuses.
is it because I’m afraid they will ask me why in wearing a long sleeve shirt in 100 degree weather?
is it because they will comment about my pale face a bags under my eyes?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me..
The utility of this platform to convey inner thoughts and true emotion is unmatched. I can express myself even though I’m talentless. Look let me skip the formalities of how I usually write and just get to it. I feel guilty. I was reading the first post on SP (this was approximately 1 month ago) and I realized this is a website where you’re supposed to share experiences of suicide. Anything else is viewed as unnecessary. I’ve only posted here a few times, but most of my pieces do not spare detail. But never have I wrote about my suicide attempts, nor do I plan […]
I’ve been depressed since i was 4…why so young? it started when i realised, what losing someone and getting bullied was. I was bullied when i was 4…is that even okay?…I’m 13 now and you know what, im worse than i was before, im suicidal. AT THIRTEEN…Because ive been bullied most of my life…ive been beaten, and used by so many people…And ever since April…ive been planning my suicide, Because someone pushed me to the edge, they used me to feel good about themselves…Im planning to […]
For years now I’ve lived life miserably. I have children that I love very much but I feel no good to them. Life is a chore not an enjoyment. The only time I’m “happy” is when I’m with a certain man that I can’t even have. That’s all I look forward to and now that’s being taken away. I’ve gotten help. I’ve been on meds and I’m currently on them. today I found myself looking up painless ways to commit suicide. I don’t want to take my own life for the simple fact that my kids won’t get my death benefits. However I can’t wait […]
Now, I’ve said a lot about how much I hate myself and want to die, but I haven’t really gone into who exactly I am as a person that makes me hate myself. Here I’ll go into detail about the things that make me despise who I am as a person.
I didn’t have a shred of hatred for myself until I was about 10. This was where certain things in my life began to shape me into the self-loathing person I am today.
It started when a close friend my Grandmother had at the time crawled into my bed as I was sleeping one night, put […]
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