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I start a new job. It’s very physical and it’s 50 hours a week. I’m so afraid I’ll fuck it up. i’m only 19 and this is a “mans job”
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She cried, no, she wept all because of the secret she had kept she cut and she bled..knowing there was so much blood and tears to shed. She had love and she had lust…but this one she felt was a must. She had regrets and memories but this one was one I won’t forget..no not me.her life would be taken..with one simple movement from a knife,calling me out for I have committed a sin.
ive been up for 2 days now, no sleep. im so damn sad. ive got no friends to tell things to. ive got an issue on my hands. a very big damn issue.. dont know what to do. when someone asks me what’s wrong, that just makes the whole situation a lot worse. Hysterical crying begins because of my shittiness and non self-worth. honestly, im not good at anything, i really dont like people that much, and the people that i do like, i’ve pushed every damn one away. I’m pretty sure i’m bi-polar now, cause i went through one of those mania phases last […]
You know when I was depressed I always had this thought.
I always had this dream, this expectation, this thought.
That a person would come into my life and pick up my broken pieces.
That someone would help me off the ground and get me walking again.
Someone would wipe away my tears and dust me off and hold my hand.
That a human being would sit down with me and just hug me.
That someone would help me calm down and stop me from punching the wall and bruising myself.
Well guess what.
I’m fine now.
I am recovered and still recovering.
No one […]
Sit on the sand,
No other hand.
Sit there alone,
Heart cold as stone.
Sit there at night,
Have no more fight.
Sit there and think,
Sit on the brink.
Sit there and hear,
The ocean real clear.
Sit there under the moon,
Time to go soon.
Ocean is rough,
Life is too tough.
Sit there, ready to jump in.
Sit there now,
Death it will win.
Stars in the sky,
Don’t want to cry.
Just make it real fast,
So the suffering won’t last.
Ah, I return back to the dark abyss called my memories. Let me describe one that encompassed the last three years of my life:
Not too long ago, I got involved in some pretty bad things. Throughout this, I will never say exactly what, but a clever mind can fit the puzzle pieces together. I was 15-16, just looking into the world of the internet. I had discovered things no child should ever see, noted by the obvious adult only signs.
Eventually, I started talking to real people on the internet. Granted, they were mostly males because that’s who mainly was interested in me. That stroke of […]
I finished school, got my degree, married my long time partner, moved 1000 miles away and got a salaried job.
None of this means anything to me. I can’t enjoy any of my accomplishments. I’m not happy with my marriage and this job is only busy work. I can’t remember a time that I felt truly satisfied with life. I drink my weight in alcohol, smoke packs of cigarettes, buy worthless crap off the internet…I feel like there’s nothing I can do, like there’s no such thing as content. I am wasting my time.
We fight often, my husband and I. I feel a heavy sinking feeling […]
I’ve always thought about suicide since I was 6. Been molested by a few people until I was 11 years old. So it made me really suicidal since a young age. When I was 17 I was disowned by my dad’s side and he left when I was 8 years old. I was thinking of ways to kill myself because it would be hard in the group home to get a way with it. So I came up with one that I thought would work. My school had a freeway above it so one morning I was dropped at school ran up the hill and […]
Is it weird that I want to die? I don’t really know if it is. For about a year I’ve been debating my life. Do you want to die or do you not? I do want to die. I want to die because I am socially awkward. I want to die because I have no future. I want to die because then the pain would be over. But I don’t want to die because then the pain would be over. Is it weird that I enjoy crying every night, that I enjoy my heart aching every second, that I want to die. I am full […]
No idea how I just survived nearly three days incredibly suicidal. I am exhausted. Ready to sleep for a few days. How the fuck did I make it yet again. I cried so much my eyes hurt. I am really only here because my cats. They are my furry angels. One is 13 with cancer. She is doing really well. I am mostly her for her because I don’t trust anyone to take care of her or my other little angels.
I realise things will never get better for me. I’m a an ugly retard with no personality or talent and I have chronic mental health problems (borderline personality disorder, social anxiety). This life is futile, I’m a moron and there is no point to my existence. But how can I end it when there are people who love me and vice-versa? My aunt adopted me after my mum died and she spent years, $1000s, and energy treating me as her own despite my differences and what I put her through. I think it would tear her apart. But what’s the alternative? If I stay here […]
Hi there, my name is Sami Jo. I remember being 13, and it was the best year of my life. After that, I fell into a dark place and thought there was no way out. I decided at 15 that it just wasn’t going to get any better. Over the next 5 years, I tried to kill myself 5 different times and somehow someone or something stopped me every single time from succeeding. I’m 21 now and I still have days where I am angry for ever being born into this world. But, every now and then I’ll have days like today where I think […]
I am having the hardest time getting out of this bed today…. It’s super frustrating. I don’t understand how I’m just expected to wipe off these tears and go about life with the fake smile plastered on my face that I am forced to share. I can’t afford to miss work anymore. This struggle is beyond me, but I’ll take just one more step today, because somewhere deep down I know there’s more life left to go.
I looked through maybe a half dozen books to try to get an idea of what the after-life has in store for those who commit suicide using the documented stories of near-death experiences.
There are really not a whole lot of reasonably impartial documented cases of near death experiences as a whole (as I have been able to determine anyway), maybe only numbering in the hundreds, if that. And of those stories only a handful from people who had attempted suicide…
… at least stories that get to the heart of what everybody really wants to know: Do we go to hell? Or what other negative outcomes can we reasonably infer […]
The most important part of planning or imagining suicide (to me) is knowing what music will lull you to your final rest. I realize it may seem like an insignificant and even petty detail but don’t you think the last thing you experience should be the soothing beauty of your favorite music?
What song(s) will you leave as your final farewell?
I personally would like to hear Pink Floyd when I die. I imagine that before I act, I’ll listen to Comfortably Numb and Brain Damage and then, as I’m waiting for my method to take effect, I’ll listen to Goodbye Blue Sky, the last sound to […]
I would like to share with you all a moment in my life where I felt the value of living.
I am a big fan of comic books. When I was younger I would consume manga (Japanese comics) which led to my later love in life of American graphic novels and great American literature in general. My favorite graphic novelist is Alan Moore. If you’ve never heard of him I’m sure you’ve heard of some of his works. He’s the mind behind the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, V for Vendetta, From Hell, Lost Girls, the Killing Joke, and Watchmen. He’s a wonderful man […]
Just saw a preview for the movie, If I Stay. Seems that a girl gets into an accident and she is left to decide whether to live or die. Then, she probably gets a glimpse of the life she would lead if she chooses to stay.
I wish I could see how my life would turn out if I stayed. I already made the decision to die but I am still here. Some days I am planning for my death and others I act as if I am going to live to 90. It is actually quite exhausting to live in two extremes.
It is crazy because […]
I spent a long time writing that shit. Fuck it.
Tryed the rope around my neck and slowly go Down in knees. Just to try how it feels. Im scared for What happens next? I get dizzy and then stand up again. How long Will it take to be unconsious? Im not from US so sorry for Any spelling mistakes.
Existence is pointless but for people with Social Anxiety and other condition its also a constant torture. Healthy and rich people can at least enjoy themselves and not ponder their existence too much. Some days I really wish I could believe in god, living in ignorance must be bliss.