For general topics related to the site.
General
The reasons why I failed as a “man”(and I use that word loosely)?
In short:
too numerous character faults, too many past regrets & way too much poor thoughts about my future to mention. I hate myself so. I hate the man in the mirror.. I just wanted to say that. I wonder what life after death would be like for me since I think its different for everyone. I just wanted to say that
I got a job …. That I suck at becuase I have to talk to people, but I suck at talking to people and I kinda look creepy……buts that’s not the promble …the problem is I am trying to save money to start my bussiness ….but at the age at 17…. I find my self giving my money to my mother and grandmother who spend money irresponsiblely ……..if I can start my bussiness and spread like I want to by next year I can easly help my family and my self out………but rigth now I even spend a dime from my weeks pay…..working to save […]
Sorry, I’ve tried, and can’t figure it out. Thanks.
I want to be honest, because I’m not being really honest with anyone else. I am seriously thinking of killing myself. Its more than vague feelings. I can’t look in the mirror. I don’t hate myself but I just don’t feel I can recover from being hit, betrayed and raped. By two people. I trusted both. I have tried everything I honestly know. Praying, staying busy, intercepting thoughts, eating so incredibly healthy, don’t drink, smoke, or anything anymore, I call help lines, I have a counselor.
I can’t. Anymore. And I don’t want to be saying this. I want to feel stronger. I want to live. […]
Well I am basicly obese in the sense of BMI….the last guy I fell in love was gay and every thing I wasn’t, but he was depressed to, and I knew all of this before hand…..it hurted so bad to be by him now but I think I finally moved on….. I promised my self I will never date in my life time and I was kinda fine with that….,becuase I am a huge pervert and been that way since five….even thougth I never let any one see this part of me……but any way I found this guy who is worth trying for…… But I […]
I don’t want your help, I appreciate the thought, but I don’t want to be helped, I don’t want to have to retell my pathetic story. I just want to be left alone in my lies, because that’s where I can have a normal life. My smiles may be fake, but others smile with me, my laughter may be forced but it gives other people hope. My positive ideals are my own, but they are shrouded in deception. My dreams are false, and my mind is shattered. I can’t accept help because I have no idea where to begin. I am broken, but I will only […]
it’s not that no one notices me, it’s just that the only people that notice me are repulsed by my existence. i’m too young, too ugly, too fat to love. in school all of my friends are guys. straight girls pretend to fight over me but no one really wants me. it’s all just a joke. i’m actually not feeling that bad today. i’m in school, preparing for my art show, working my ass off staying busy. but still; i’d rather be gone than be here. i’d rather be bleeding, or high, or dead.
So if I can I want to make a living will that basically says if I’m in a vegetative state I want the plug pulled. Â Like if I theoretically shot myself in the head or jumped off a cliff/building or got in a random car accident and ended up brain-dead but not completely dead I’d want my organs donated and the plug pulled and pumped full of morphine to pass away peacefully.
I’m awaiting your informing replies folks. Â Take care. Â I’m off to work for now.
Hm so im completely lost with everything. Im not sure what im supposed to do.
I have been dating someone for 7 months but the begining of this month he left for the navy… for recruit school and that goes for 9 months and we can only talk for a few minutes on the weekend. I used to pretty much live with him, never came home and now that hes gone im stuck living back with my family. I would say my deppression went away when i was living with him but since being home ive crashed and burned, i cant even keep a job, […]
Hey, call me ruta. Just about all who write on this cite know how they feel and write about it, but do most of us notice others in the exact same position we find ourselves? I do. I still go to High School every Monday thru Friday, 7:30 to 2:30. What I see isnt what you would really expect. The kids I see during my day range from emos to jocks to the mormon mafia (the popular kids, not kidding about the name) every one has found themselves infront of me telling me how their day is going and why they feel so down. Now Im no psychiatrist, […]
just come back already! jump out and say Syke! just don’t be real…please…be alive…I can’t hear your voice, no way to call, I can’t see you, you’re on another continent…we lived in a virtual world…but…you still are family to me…so fucking be alive, don’t be gone…did you swallow your pills? did it work? did…did you cut too deep…was I the reason you left…I could’ve helped, I couldv’e saved you. It’s all my fault. You…you are not dead. you have to be alive…you have to be. YOU HAVE TO BE!!!
They want to send my back to the hospital, and i don’t even care, i don’t care about anything anymore…putting weight on, breaking things, mess…my scars…it all used to push me to the point id freak out and cry and cry and cry. Now, i just don’t care i just lay in bed and wait, wait for they day i get the chance to end it all…i never thought it’d be possible to not care and to feel a world of pain at the same time. But it really is, the only other time iv felt This Bad, was when i last attempted to kill […]
I think its amazing just how naive people can be… I am starving myself to the point were I wont eat for days and when I do eat ill discreetly throw it back up… my friends and family think im just on a diet that is actually working for me little do they realise I am killing myself in the slowest way possible so nobody has to find a bloody mangled mess that would be my body if I was to take the conventional way(cutting). I know its no ones problem but my own but it just feels good to let this out because although […]
I can’t take the loneliness anymore. I have been a loner most of my life and all I want is to meet one other person that I can relate to and maybe have a companion. What started out as shyness has turned into self loathing and shame. I try to be friendly and positive to try and attract friends and partners, but I have to be artificial to get people to like me and I feel like I can’t let anyone get too close to me. I haven’t had any actual friends since I was a kid and I’ve only been with one girl. I […]
Hi. I really don’t know who to word this (yeah, I am pretty socially awkward). Well, basically here is my story:
I lived a pretty normal childhood. I had nice parents and friends and stuff. My mom and dad WERE separated, but it didn’t really effect me (or is it affect? Sorry, I am bad at grammar. Well, either ‘effect’ or ‘affect’, you know what I mean). Again, pretty normal childhood, but somewhere around when I was five or six years old I started to feel weird. Worthless. Just like, no one cared. I had a little moment were I really just felt like giving […]
I won’t be tied to anyone, then.
It wouldn’t matter if I killed myself.
I think about it all the time now.
It’s a warm source of hope in the back of my mind.
It comforts me immensely.
13 months from now I could be dead.
I’m not going to eat a crumb or drink a drop for three days.
Not to kill myself. Not to draw attention. (I live alone. The latter would be pointless.) Not for a fasting and praying marathon. Just doing it to make myself sick.
If I can get in the hospital, I can have a break. Mental unit not happening. I just need a rest without being treated like a criminal.
Sue me…
This place, suicideproject, is it really helping anybody? Nothing is solved, behaviors aren’t changed. It’s the blind leading the blind. Maybe it’s the stepping stone to the inevitable realization that we can only help ourselves. We will tumble and collapse while in pursuit, but it’s all part of the progress to reaching the answer. Don’t be afraid.
Hi,
My name is J. Â I was born in Portland, OR on January 22nd, 1988. Â My father’s name was Cris, my mother’s name is Laura. Â They were both 34 when they had me. Â To the outside world, they were practically the perfect couple (as I am told). Â My father played college football, was of genius level intelligence, tall and handsome, and loved by all. Â My mother was a petite 5 foot 5 brunette, who was a State champion swimmer in Highschool, and met my father while waitressing in Portland. Â However, despite all these stories I was told, I found it hard to believe any of it […]