For general topics related to the site.
I don’t know how to make this a picture but click on the word you can see the cows at the farm I go to to get milk. They have the whole field to themselves and only a few are milked – and the others just hang out for months eating grass.
I love the light tan one on the right, but the one next to the spotty one was making me a little nervous. Â =)
ps. its one of the few places that makes me happy lately. =)
What if I didn’t exist? Would the world be a better place? Or would it feel any less different. I ache with pain that no one seems to understand. I speak softly but people listen loudly. I do not want this for myself but it seems I cannot shake it. I cannot shake the demons off. I am lost and in search of an imaginary peace. What people don’t realize is that I am not as strong as I seem. I used to be, at least I used to portray it better. I am now weak, the weak never prosper. I sought help from a […]
i want to die soooo bad, i think about it all the time now. i’ve been thinking about shooting myself in the head, i’ll put the gun in my mouth to make sure i dont survive. yep, thats how i want to die, i have officially chosen my exit plan. im not sure on when im going to do it, but its probably going to be soon. hopefully before anyone suspects me of being suicidal again. right now, everyone thinks im fine, that im doing great, but on the inside, im despising every single minute of living. i have gotten used to being suicidal for […]
it’s been awhile since i posted on here. I guess things are going okay, Ive had a lot going on lately actually
first off, ive had two of my close friends (both guys) confess to me that theyre suicidal and one told me that he had just took pills and i freaked out. i couldnt lose another friend, i wouldnt be the same if i was the only one who knew. and his reasons were the same as the other two boys who suceeded in the past two years. My other friend ruined it with his girlfriend and hes been dying everyday because she wont even […]
This is my first time posting on here… So I’m alana I’m 15 years old and I’ve been depressed/suidical since about the beginning of 6th grade. I’ve been bullied my whole life being called fat, ugly, *****, ect…. People made me feel like shit and made me cry myself to sleep about every night. I started cutting in seventh grade when I got called fat. Is was the first time . It go worse cause I tried killing myself by choking myself it never worked. 8th grade year I thought would get better but it didn’t I started losing friends , guys pushed me into […]
for a very very long time i have felt distanced from my family from people from life. i mean eight grade was the darkest time of my life… i faked my way out of a suicide/depression test so i could get out of therapy convinced i didnt have a problem i would never do anything its all words and words dont mean anything. but words mean alot and words can hurt a lot. for as long as i cna remember i have been pushed away by my parents. they have no love for me. i have two younger sisters who absorb all their attention and […]
“People fear death more than pain. It’s strange that they fear death. Life hurts a lot more than death. At the point of death, the pain is over. Yeah, I guess it is a friend.” – Jim Morrison.
People fear the unknown and, yet death is full of the unknown, so is life. The only difference is, once your dead, your dead. That’s it. You don’t feel pain or loss or sadness. Let’s face it, we are all going to die eventually. Everything that life throws at us, only for us to die anyway. Everyday that we live is just another closer to our death, so […]
I wanted to share an amazing quote from a incredible Comedian/Genius.
The World is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it’s real, because that’s how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round, and it has thrills and chills and is very brightly colored, and it’s very loud. And it’s fun, for a while.
Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they’ve begun to question, ‘Is this real, or is this just a ride?’, and other people have remembered, and they’ve come back to […]
had a therapy appointment today. as long as i am still going i guess that is a good thing. my therapist mentioned how scared she would be if i was a no show to an appointment. i told her she should be scared. the pro death part of me is rather insistent. i have come to the realization that i probably will kill myself. the question is when. that i do not know. all the suicide sites say that one should be alarmed if said suicidal person suddenly seems calm or even happy. it means that a decision has been made. well that decision has […]
I’m an 17 year old junior in high school right now. I graduate next year. I’ve always been unsure about what I want to do with my life, but I’ve been starting to feel a lot more pressure now that im graduating next year. I don’t know where to go to college, I don’t know what for, and I don’t know even if I want to go. I’ve feel like my life might be headed for an downward spiral. I’m not motivated to do much nowadays, and I don’t think a lot people understand me. I know there are people here that go trough much […]
So it’s been a while since I’ve posted… Hope everyone’s surviving. Overall, I’ve been ok. Since my last post, I’ve been in therapy to attempt to put an end to my cutting. I had been clean for 3 months. A few days ago I cut for no reason, absolutely none. I just made up my mind and did it. Since then, I decided to ask for an antidepressant and my therapist was all for it.
She said it will be easier to listen to the rational voice in my head, I really hope she’s right. Living has been an absolute struggle. I want to be ok, […]
this is so beautiful
it calms me right down
like a river with the water slipping over the rocks sparkling with sunlight in the water
just calms me down
…and loneliness is hell, too….
Does that mean Heaven is full of talking animals? If so, furries everywhere, rejoice!
One day I will get my happy ever after, but I am so tired of waiting for it to come. Â I wanna take everything in to my own hands and have the life that I know I deserve but of coarse I can’t and I wanna know why can’t I have it. Â I dated a guy for 10 years, I mean seriously you would think he would be my happy ever after but wrong. Â He decided that being a crackhead was more important and I just couldn’t do it anymore I was physically and mentally drained. Â 1 week after we break up he has a […]
Today, I explained my non-intervention policy to one of the people I tentatively (for lack of a better term) call a friend. (Being more concerned with what they perceive as my interests than the interests themselves, I don’t think they can be termed “allies” precisely. So I use the word “friend” rather loosely, although I suppose it would be more accurate to say “one of those people I hang about constantly whom I happen to know”.) I interfere (interact, I suppose) with people as little as possible and would appreciate if they showed the same consideration to me.
She confronted me with the question: What if […]
Has anyone else ever taken an Ambien? One pill knocks me out within 15 minutes. That’s not the interesting part. The interesting part is that it wipes out all memory for those few minutes leading up to unconsciousness.
I know it would take at least 1000 pills to kill me, so that’s not what I’m posting about. But something about those few minutes of blackout is interesting. People who have seen me on ambien say i just lie down and I’m out cold, no amout of noise or shaking can get through.
What if, for example, I were to take a dozen pills and then go swimming […]
i don’t even know why i’m on here. it’s not like people want to know about me anyways, but ohkay. i’m cat and i turn 15 in november. i’ve been suffering with OCD, depression, anxiety and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). the body dysmorphic disorder is the worst because i got homeschooled because of it. i would sit there and stare at myself for hours and cry when i should be getting ready. i would punch myself in the face or wrists and pull my hair or skin. i started out just being constantly late to school, but now i’m so afraid of people seeing me […]
i dont know why, but lately ive cryed over the weirdest things. sometimes i start crying over seemingly stupid things, which makes me feel like a little spoiled brat crying over nothing, which makes me feel like no one would want to help me which makes me cry. school is awful. three days in and im so done.
if you’ve read my previous posts, you’ll know about the guy in my class. things have just been getting worse. i want to hate him. i want to hate him just so it would be easier. it wouldnt matter what he felt, because i would hate him and […]
Gone are the days when therapists believe in their patients. In their ability to survive – although often times as they struggle in the deepest darkest places inside themself. They know that we are cutters, have eating disorders, self medicate, and many other things but they forget that we are SURVIVORS. Our coping methods may not be the norm, but our lives aren’t either. It’s what we do to save ourselves.
Gone are the days when therapists remember that we are not ourself when we enter their office. We are wounded and afraid. We are depressed and angry. We have been living with these pains long […]
I feel like the reason I like the suicide project is because I can write my true feelings. Â Usually I keep them bottled up. Â I know my dad has advanced diabetes and my mom just lost her mom and then her little sister and she feels helpless so I cant really tell them “hey I have serious depression, I lay in the fetal position and cry and wish for it to be over” Â That doesnt help them. Â So I try to keep going and then what happens my sister starts a fight with me over shit that has nothing to do with me. Â So I […]
Please log in to report posts