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The circle is closing in.

by jayss2k07
written by jayss2k07

Every day there is something new–some new problem, some new slight real or imagined.   I don’t want to deal with them anymore.

I need to make a decision soon on the best way to die.   Any spare moment I have is spent thinking about the best way to kill myself.  Part of me wants to get a gun and shoot myself in the head in the middle of the woods.  That way even if I don’t die right away, I’ll bleed out.   A gunshot to the head is lethal, about 100 percent effective especially if I do it in a secluded area and no one finds me […]

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Deserve?

by Dawg
written by Dawg

de·serve
/dəˈzərv/

Verb

Do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment).

Synonyms

merit – earn – rate – be worth

 

How I hate this word – let me count the ways …

Ok – no, I’m not going to count the ways – but I hate hate hate this word – because it is so so misused. (Especially around here on SP)

The general use of this word has been utterly corrupted to become synonymous to “i am OWED something” as in some sense of entitlement – like you’ve supposedly done something SOOO special that everyone should bow down and worship at your feet and bequeath you with adoration, […]

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I wish I was never born

by tupacorbiggie
written by tupacorbiggie

The bible is mostly bullshit.  But the book of Ecclesiastes has some great wisdom in it.  It was written by King Solomon as he was dying and realized the futility of the world.  Here’s a great verse.  I’m sure you guys can relate.

1Again, I observed all the oppression that takes place under the sun. I saw the tears of the oppressed, with no one to comfort them. The oppressors have great power, and their victims are helpless. 2So I concluded that the dead are better off than the living. 3But most fortunate of all are those who are not yet born. For they have not seen […]

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I was born a loser

by table
written by table

I am 15, male.
My whole life basically consisted of people telling me how bad or disappointing I am. It still happens, just not as much because I don’t ever talk to anyone except for online. I mean I remember when I was three in daycare and I would get mad a lot and no one liked me. I had no friends really except my neighbor who I think was annoyed with me a lot. Then I remember being  annoying a lot when I was 4 or 5 and my neighbors were really annoyed with me. Like when I would play basketball with my neighbors […]

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life is pain death is hedonistic pleasure

by theguy12
written by theguy12

 

“such voluntary death must give us peace”- Ryunosuke Akutagawa

Dazai Osamu.jpg

“Now even if I die, no one will be so grieved as to do himself bodily harm. No […] I know just how much sadness my death will cause you. Undoubtedly you will weep when you learn the news–apart, of course, from such ornamental sentimentality as you may indulge in–but if you will please try to think of my joy at being liberated completely from the suffering of living and this hateful life itself, I believe that your sorrow will gradually dissolve.”- […]

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memory lane

by the_unfixable
written by the_unfixable

Took a very unwanted stroll down memory lane, was reminded of all the horrible things that happened in my life that my family blame me for. my parents getting divorced when i was 4 years old… my fault, my dad walking out on me for a woman… also my fault, being constantly reminded that I’m not as good as my siblings and blackening the family name because i’m not perfect… my fault, being called fat and ugly is also my fault because they wouldn’t have to say it if it wasn’t true.
Being reminded of all the years i was bullied in school and all […]

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STOP PLEAS STOP

by why i dont no
written by why i dont no

leve me alone i dont like this i whant out of that billding i whant to go home
a fleeting glimps of what i youst to be of the boy runing torw my haed in a feld
were the red and blue flowers grow were the grass grows tall and thick were the boy who at age 9 pikt up a gutat and nevet let go he still hasut but the words of his songs talk of deth ad losst love with no way out with somthing to shout about WITH the will to go on
a fleeting glimps of what i was
a chilld […]

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just something.

by loveisdifficult
written by loveisdifficult

For me It’s been too long.
To long from feeling the rush of the blade while it slides down my wrist splitting the skin.
Too long from helping deal with this.
Too long have I lived and breathed.
Too long have I stopped myself from ending all pain thinking it can get better.
I’ve been thinking for too long about ending it all.
It’s time to take action.
Time to start planning my get away.
Time to start saying my goodbyes.
Time to start telling all those people that they’ve done their part,
They’ve succeeded in making me feel worthless.
Time to start playing life […]

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I don’t wanna live or die.

by ijustlikevideogames
written by ijustlikevideogames

I’ve been depressed for about 6 years.  I’ve been thinking pretty much these thoughts throughout the entirety of that time period- the thoughts becoming more complex and clear or unclear as time passed.  I’m 18 now.  It has been especially bad this year getting ready for college.  The thoughts of moving out and beginning the rest of my life are eating away at me.  I never really thought I would get this far but I did.  The fact that I’ve only been here 18 years is killing me.  I’ve only been here 18 years.   How can I possibly put up with 70 more years […]

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I can’t believe what I did

by darksky21
written by darksky21

I just came out to my Dad tonight. I did not plan that at all. Came up totally unexpected. He came to talk to me because he noticed I was depressed and struggling and eventually things led to wanting to come out to him. I was so scared. I knew it was something I needed to do though. It took me so long to get it out. He’s a super conservative Catholic…so you can see why I would be scared shitless. He took it surprisingly calmly. But I don’t feel the relief I wish I had felt. I still feel like he doesn’t fully accept […]

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Let Me Feel

by AscahIsBroken
written by AscahIsBroken

Here is the place where I will let myself be terrified
I’m sick of telling you that I’m okay, that I’m fine
It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to hate lying
This time I won’t turn off the panic, I wanna cry
Release, I need to free the monster, free the fear
Even if I have to cut apart the cage
I will destroy this with my rage

I don’t wanna prevent myself from being this way
I don’t wanna tell you that I wanna live today
Because if I were to be honest, I don’t
And I’m scared of what I’ll do to […]

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Maybe you guys could give me some advice?

by bwhite97
written by bwhite97

i know this is going to sound really petty. Ive tried to kill myself a few times in the past, and Im thinking about trying again. and i have nothing to stop me. i used to have one best and only friend i could talk to, but she hates me now. no use bringing it up again with my parents. Im seeing a therapist and on medicine already. anyway, what im asking is who do i talk to about this, and how do i bring it up? i dont really have any other friends. sorry for wasting your time, and thanks for any advice.

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For so long.

by Gamerman
written by Gamerman

For so long…. My life has been one giant fuck up. I wont lie, Ive done a lot of bad things in my life. But thats not why I want my life to end…. A few years ago I lost my closest friend in the world. No, He didnt die… I suppose its best to start this story from the beginning. Please forgive me for my poor grammar and punctuation.

 

From the third week I was born, I had my friend Quinn. He was like a brother to me, He never dodged my questions when I was down and needing advice. He talked me out of […]

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One of those nights

by Starlove
written by Starlove

It’s one of those nights when I feel so alone. There’s a hole in my stomach that holds a faint physical pain and a tremendous emotional one. It’s as if I died right this second I’d be okay with that and not a single person would miss me. I want to cut myself to sleep, and if I never wake up that’s all the better. I haven’t wanted to kill myself in months, but right now… I forgot how bad it felt, honestly. My minds racing and it’s focusing on all the stupid crap I’ve done, I want to cut so bad, but my dad’s […]

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The Greatest Sea Of Nothing

by apollon
written by apollon

If you’ve ever had a chemistry class’s you should know that at every moment of life there’s and enermOus amount of pressure hurling down on you. It s what keeps the water in place and the oygen in the air I think. But just like the oceans were all under pressure contanst continuous pressure. Thats really how we live forever….

I have a deep love for bots I love the sail bots the old wooden ones . I thong that mastery of ship captains and their crew is the apex of adventure and freedom. I ve always wanted to be and old shi ccatain and feel […]

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by kissnm10
written by kissnm10

I guess I could finally tell my story on here. I’ve been posting on here for a month, and I still never got out why I’m got so fucked up in the first place. Now, I don’t claim to have a bad life, just a fucked up mind and an inability to deal with what I have experienced.

I grew up in a pseudo-Christian home. By that, I mean that my family was picture perfect in Sunday service and fighting on the way home. My parents dragged us there but never really lived any of it, and I hate that about religion. So much pretense. Don’t […]

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Where to Begin

by board
written by board

Hi,

I feel that I am not worthy of the life I have, I am not worthy of my amazing parents. I don’t deserve to go to the school I am going to. I feel that there are people out there that more worthy of the life I am currently living. I feel that if I were not alive, those people might have actually had the chance.

Despite my parental support, despite my amazing research advisor, I cannot keep up with my life and succeed. I feel that I can never go anywhere in my life. Not professionally, nor emotionally. I have never had anyone really love […]

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A Struggle

by Silverstream
written by Silverstream

Here I am sitting in front of a computer screen, having tears run down my cheeks. I just need to let this all out. I was born abroad and faced tons of bullying when I came to where I am now. Started in 2nd grade and it never ended in elementary or middle school. I never made much friends until Middle School. I was in a clique, were weren’t close; it was simply to gain an advantage over each other for selfish purposes like getting good grades. I saw everyone in a race, in a race of being the best in academics. I was smart, […]

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