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Does anybody else have nightmares that make them afraid to sleep? Like when you should be able to get away from lifeyour dreams make it impossible? I wake up with scratches on my arms they are so bad… How do I get them to go away? Its hard enough trying to stay alive when im awake I dont need nightmares of me killing myself to add on top of everything….
Its been almost 2 months since my dad agreed to stay out of our lives. Ive hated every minute of it, Ive sent him messages, texts, basically anything to get him to contact. After our last arguement a few weeks ago, he said fine..I mean he didnt even fight to see me..He spent ten years away, in prison. Now its been almost 3 years since hes been out..Ive only seen him almost 2 years out of that. My mom keeps saying instead of being so rude to him, which I will admit im doing now because he wont respond at all, try asking if he`ll […]
i know its time to check out of the world, but i found out whats holding me back. people, actual people who i know truly care, i dont want to let them go i wanna hold onto them neverlet them go cuz for me its rare to find someone who loves me for me and befriends me to have fun in each others company not to trick me into hurting me along the road. i never wanna see these friends to leave me and i dont leave them. i know this is when im supposed to die. i just took half a bottle of […]
My “What if?” turned into “Should I?”. Then that “Should I?” turned into “When should I?”. Soon after that, “When should I?” turned into “How should I?”. It all starts with one thought. That one thought drew in so much pain. When suicide becomes an option, it’s suddenly the only thing we see. It narrows our thoughts to only suicide.
Then your feelings start to become dangerous. But you don’t want anyone to know, right? So you lie. You lie about your feelings. You lie behind your smile. You lie to yourself. All we want is to be happy. Sometimes we can’t remember the last time […]
I just want to runaway. Honestly, that’s my only hope for staying alive right now; but I don’t have the means. If I had somewhere to go, I would… and I would do anything, ANYTHING for the opportunity… but once again I am stuck… lost and hopeless… if I could runaway, I could live; but because I can’t, I might be gone soon..
If he lives I hope you all die painful, torturous deaths. If he doesn’t make it, I hope you live extremely long lives. And I hope that everyone you ever love is taken from you. If he dies I hope your lives are hell. I want you to wish that you could have been afforded the courtesy of being beaten to death. I hope someone bashes your fucking kneecaps in. I want you to wish you were dead. I hope you fucking rot. You deserve less than nothing.
Getting drunk or wanting money is not an excuse. You’re fucking pigs. Worthless pieces of shit. You don’t […]
Had a rough few days. I’m so drained, and still have things to take care of. Crying every now and then. Music by my side, stuffed animal by my side. I do not hunger and I do not thirst. I just sit here like a brick as I keep moving forward. I read a an old posted link and It made me realize I am not as good as I thought. While other want to fight but don’t know how I’d just like to get away from everything. Away far away. I don’t know where that is. But it’s what I want. And just like […]
I’m 36 years old, a bad mother, a worse wife. no job, no life, I finally got the storybook family and life I always wanted, but now I have to sit by the sidelines and watch it go by. I’ve tried a total of four or five times now to get rid of myself over my lifetime, and I can’t even get that right. I am a useless, burden to my family. They would be better off without me and won’t even know I’m gone. I use to believe that I was here for a reason and that everything that I have gone through would mean […]
Yes I fuckin know. I’m useless. I screw up everything. I fuckin try with all I have in me to help people online every day. Just because I refuse to hold something for someone who treats me lik sh*t I’m useless. I probly haven’t helped anyone on here… Anyone? is there anyone on here who would not be here anymore if it weren’t for me? Probly not.. I’ve been wondering that for a while. Have I actually helped anyone? God I’m a loser -.-
Well I’ve become friends again with a girl i went to high school with, not sure if I’ve mentioned it before… But anyway every weekend for the past 2 months we go out clubbing and everything but she doesn’t invite me out on Wednesdays or Thursdays which are the most social days of the week here… I don’t want to ask to go because like that’s just asking to be around people who don’t or might not want you around you know?
Uhhh I don’t know what to do at all, I over think things to much and create problems that don’t need to be […]
not to kill me but to save me, i wish i had such thing but i have no motivation, i was so close yesterday but backed down yet again:/ i can think of reasons to actually do it, yet that damn whatever keeps pulling me back to fuckin earth, and no reason to save me whats the point to keep going? there isnt one, not one. im a disappointment to my WHOLE family, there isnt a light at the end of this tunnel its a tunnel of eternal darkness every step i make its ganna just stretch and stretch and never will i find my […]
I’d like to discuss self-harm with you guys and gals. I don’t cut, I wanted to get that straight! But i do self-harm. I burn. It reminds me that I’m still alive on this dumbass planet. I love how the flame flickers on a match or candle. I realise we have much in common with a match (/candle). That our human form flickers while we work our very short lives and then goes out.I used to think that I would make MY flame shine he brightest and that my flame would survive longer than most. There is NO afterlife, no god to greet us, I […]
yeah basically it seems like a habit now, and im sure iv said the wrong things plenty on here so sorry.
This is the question I ask myself everyday and honestly I don’t ever expect the answer. All my life people have had little faith in me. Telling me I will go to jail when I get older, saying I beat down a girl when I did not, and so much more. In fact I was accused of rapeing my  niece when I LOVE that girl and have told everyone that I always want to be there to protect her. If I raped her that would go against my word AND my morals.  People have told me numerous times I look like a pedophile and that I have […]
I have absolutely had it with this world. This society. The sheep that live around me. The doctors so greedy for money that they slap a label on me, without doing proper investigation, that follows me for the rest of my life. Let me elaborate a bit.
At 16 years old, I was having trouble coping with the pressures of adolescence and growing up in an abusive home. One day the pain became too much to bear and I broke down. I was taken to a mental hospital. (Of course a mental hospital. Because people in this day and age are too self-absorbed to HELP a […]
Lately, I’ve been trying to determine if I was born broken or if my life made me this way.
I mean, I can go down the list of my life experiences and lay out a path of the things that seem to have lead up to the way I am now. But, might not a better person, with better DNA or a better soul or whatever you believe to be at the core of us, have reacted differently to the same kind of life. Maybe I’m just not meant to be well, or worthy or happy.
I can’t sleep much at all anymore. My mind just races […]
Well im only 15, about to start 10th grade next months. To be honest feel like im about to start hell. Having to see the same faces i’ve seen for the past years. I really feel like giving up now. Im so worthless. Really. And im sure no one would really be hurt if i was gone. Most of my friends turned their back on me. Ive always been an insecure little shit. And today i realized im really a big hypocrate. A pathetic brat. im just so mad at myself…… I’ve always hurt the people around me, everyone really. Im sure there isnt even […]
and its raining like a god damn *****. And I have to go to my shrink. On a bike. I hate her even more now.
My Life Just Needs To End…
 Well I’m 16 now but 4 1/2 half years ago my life started to change… For the worst.
 It was my 8th grade year I was so excited to grow up and be a “teenager” I knew a lot of people but didn’t have many friends I kinda kept to myself and my sister got me into weed so I thought I was the only one who smoked at my school. I kept it a secret from even my Bestfriend at a time… But then I met this girl and her name was Alex omg she was amazing she became closer […]
I’ve finally done it, Only took me almost two years to say no more.
No more doctors. No more pchycologists. No more meds. No more anything. I’m done with everything.
Its what i wanted. So why dont I feel good about it?
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